[tokyo]

Can someone recommend me good books on how to improve one's communication skills? I'm not interested in books that show you how to improve your rhetorical skills or on doing better presentations, I'm looking more for books who explain the importance of communication between people and who can give tips to improve it.

I have a friend and he just doesn't understand that you have to communicate in relationships. He just doesn't understand it. It's better now and he's willing to talk with me, but I'm tired of talking to him and having to explain so much, it simply numbs my affection for him and it's a turn off. I just want to give him a book and tell him to read it to understand the basics of communication so we can talk at a more similar level, right now we're light years apart. His problem seems to be that he takes things literally, he doesn't seem to be a aware that a message not only consists of the words, but there are other messages on different levels, on the emotional level, on the informational level, etc. There are hidden expectations that can come with words and often you need to understand the context in which they were said to understand their right meaning, but all these subtleties seem to be lost on him. He's not stupid, it's just he doesn't seem to understand them.

I want a book... I don't want to explain things myself as I feel that the fact that I'm involved and that the situation between us sometimes was very tense does not really make it easier to make him open up to criticisms or suggestions from my part. I think a neutral medium will convey the message a lot better than I will ever do. He's not a great talker and I come across as too strong. He seems to be open to reading the stuff though that I suggest. A while ago I sent him links to some articles and it looks like he read them.

Any suggestions or recommendations? Your help is appreciated.

[Pyro]

Hi Kooky, I have a book here that may help with your relationship

The name of the book is "People Skills" written by Robert Bolton PH.D.

The book focuses on how to assert yourself, how to listen to others, and how to resolve conflicts.

This may not be the book for you but this book did me wonders when I needed it the most. Give it a shot and let me know.

[tokyo]

Hey Riddler, thanks. I just looked it up and it looks good. Does it also explain that communication includes other aspects as body language and tonal inflection as well? I remember a talk about a quite emotional topic and he just shut down. I guess, it was too emotional for him, so he started to distance himself from it and kept all his emotions back. He ended up sounding as if he was talking about the wheather which in turn made me feel even more miserable.

[Pyro]

There is an entire chapter dedicated to body language. You will also find examples of tonal inflection as well. Like I mentioned before, this book has indeed done wonders for me. It has opened up a whole new side of me. I hope that you will keep me updated on the status of your friend as time goes on.

[tokyo]

Originally posted by The Riddler
I hope that you will keep me updated on the status of your friend as time goes on.

Sure.

I think I will get a copy of the book myself and check it out, I need some help, too. Not as bad as he does, but still, it's never too late for improvements.

[RecordProducer]

Dale Carneggie. He has written a few books concerning that subject. Go-ogle him.