In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
Okay, this is a bit embarrasing, but I am a 23 year old male, been said to be good looking, but I am still a virgin. Every girl I ever ask out always "has a boyfriend" (yeah right...) . The last girl I dated was a year ago and she jumped ship within weeks.
Ever since high school I never had any luck with women. The only women that ever pursue me are the extremely odd and horribly unattractive ones. Examples of this included a friend of mine who decided to pursue me just before becoming a very manly lesbian (although she was quite manly before).
I don't believe I have high standards. I ask out a variety that sometimes shocks others. Still no luck. Anyway, I am posing two questions:
Do any of you believe that people can be fated to be alone?
and the second question:
Anyone in the same boat that I am in? I am kinda old to be a virgin in the USA. I must admit that it doesn't help my ego at all
don't worry to much dude, just keep being yourself and trying to meet girls and you'll meet her eventually.
Try to be confident, try not to come off desperate, girls can smell it and it scares them away.
Just to let you know your not alone, my best friend was 25 almost 26 before he ever had a girlfriend, never had a date in his life. One day he met a girl in class at school, invited her to go for a ride on his motorcycle, and hit it off right away. Turned out she was also a virgin, had never had a boyfriend, etc. They are now engaged.
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"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega." -Brodie, Mall Rats.
Forget the past, concentrate on the future. This has nothing to do with how much you're worthwhile. Honestly I wouldn't mind if my guy was a virgin. I would rather associate that with faithfulness and decency. I've had guys who had none or one girl before me and their sexual skills were better than of those who had had lots of women (except my current BF who is great).
Try to approach girls as a friend wannabe then... get them drunk!
Girls get crushes on their friends spontaneously, sex just happens, and it might even lead to something more serious as well.
Go out a lot, look the best you can, smile a lot, be self-confident (or act that way), be spontaneous, original, and show your brain and sense of humor.
Trick #1: the more you shower a woman with compliments, attention, and affection the more she will be willing to go to bed with you. That used to be Casanova's strategy.
I do think some people will just end up alone, whether by choice or not.
I have alot of people who are 50+ in my family who never married. Some off them didn't because they always wanted independence and they never wanted children or spouses to tie them down. The others...well I'm not really sure but they kind of seem like self-conscious people.
But thats just IMO
Do you think there is something wrong with being a virgin? Are you looking to lose your virginity to a nice girl you care about or could you be comfortable losing it during a drunken night at a club. Maybe your virgin status is stemming from your inactivity in the dating scene. Have you ever thought of trying a dating service?
Last edited by SnowWhite; 25th May 2005 at 7:34 PM..
Do any of you believe that people can be fated to be alone?
I don't much believe in fate. I must admit, though, that it is entirely possible for a man, or woman, to spend his or her entire life alone.
Quote:
and the second question:
Anyone in the same boat that I am in? I am kinda old to be a virgin in the USA. I must admit that it doesn't help my ego at all
I'm not in your boat, but I see it passing by me. I lost my virginity at a young age, but I wish I had waited a few girlfriends later to experience my first time with someone who was actually worth it. A lot of people lost their virginity in their early teens, myself included, which probably makes you feel like an outcast. I don't think I'm any better than you are, honestly, if we are talking only about the virginity issue. My girlfriend was a twenty-two year-old virgin when I met her, and I didn't think anything negatively of it.
Of course, people might view a twenty-something male virgin differently. Me? I don't care about that sort of thing, male or female, friend or foe. Every person has his or her time; yours just has yet to come. Every person is different. I hope that the only person really concerned about your virginity is you. I would think that anyone making a big deal of your being a virgin, or making fun of you because of your status, is doing the wrong thing.
I know I can't order you aroung and expect you to listen, but if I could, I would tell you not to get depressed over this. One day you will lose your virgnity, and hopefully you will lose it to a person who is not going to cheat on you, and then leave you one week later. Let me tell you this:
If you lose your virginity at thirty, to a woman who truly loves you and will be there for you for a long while, I would be jealous of that. I lost my virginity at fourteen to a not-very-great girl who cheated on me right afterwards, and then left me for the guy. I don't think age matters; I'd still be envious of you for that.
Yeah, you guys are right. I shouldn't be worrying about it. I don't want to get with just anyone, I do want a nice girl. I need to keep at it. Thanks for the kind replys everyone.
Dating service, SnowWhite? I haven't really tried one of those. Maybe I'll look into one as well ...
Well, before you continue pursuing women, you will have attempt to raise your confidence level. No, it isn't an easy thing to do, and it may take a long time but you must accomplish this first. I understand that it is hard not to have self-defeating thoughts. You are putting to much pressure on yourself because you feel that you are inexperienced.
You need to do things (hobbies, work out, etc) that you are good at. Accomplish some goals (take a class, learn something new)--build on that. By doing this, you are not putting so much focus on women and your self-doubt, as you are concentrating on other things. I have noticed that when I have other things that I am doing in my life, women jump at me from all over the place. Don't just do these things, to get women to chase you. Do it for yourself. You will start to feel better and more comfortable with yourself.
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Trust me, you won't last 1 round against me!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Originally posted by rhavinx
The only women that ever pursue me are the extremely odd and horribly unattractive ones.
They pursue everyone, not just you. Don't let that get you down.
Maybe you're just shy and haven't noticed the girls who do like you. Definitely get some confidence. More than anything, you need to change your attitude and start believing in yourself.
I suspect you've never had people to talk to about this. Now's your chance.
Originally posted by westernxer
Maybe you're just shy and haven't noticed the girls who do like you.
Quoted for truth.
That is probably one of the things holding you back, is my guess. You gotta learn to read some of the signals that girls give when they are interested...because they tend to be a lot more indirect than guys. A guy will come right out and ask a girl out (not a hard signal to read.) A girls signal could be eye contact when you two are not talking, or mysteriously 'being near you' often...these things are a lot harder to pick up on.
It's not an overnight process either...but you can start by reading some information on body langauge - that should help you a lot in picking up signals from girlies.
Last edited by blue16; 12th June 2005 at 11:58 PM..
I'm on the same boat as you since i'm 21 and i have yet to kiss a girl forget about having sex lol.Anyway i also ask people that most people wouldn't even look at yet i still get no
I'm not ashamed to admit I never kissed a girl until I got out of high school... sports kept me very occupied.
In fact, the first girl I ever kissed (and I mean a total lip smack) was at the Renaissance Fair, on the kissing bridge. She said it was okay because she was a stranger, and her husband wasn't with her.
I'm in very much the same boat. I'm 29 and although there's nothing wrong with me, ie not too bad looking, nice car, house and money, I still only end up with uglies.
My main problem is that I don't ask, ie, I'm lacking in confidence, but with the help of these forums and general advice, I'll be going out with renewed enthusiasm.
If you're confident and you're happy enough asking random girls out, then I can't see why you'd have any problems, just be patient
I suppose just do everything you can to be as appealing to the opposite sex as you can, the better you get at that, the better chance you've got
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At 23 you would think things would change
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