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Recovering from a heartbreak


Infusion

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During the month of April, my girlfriend told me that she didn't want to continue the relationship anymore after the summer break, and that we shouldn't talk or see each other as well. She tells me she loves me alot and I believe her, assuring me that the reason for the breakup is because she couldn't be at a university 8 hours away for 4 years thinking of me but not able to do much else. I wish I could change her mind and I tried, but failed. Since summer break has begun she told me we should see each other less during the summer (maybe once a week). Then this Monday she told me that she was ready to move on and is ending the relationship now instead of at the end of summer. I asked her why as I tried to keep calm, but all she said was that she can't tell me because she can't open up to me. Since then, I have tried to make her tell me the reason for the sudden breakup (I think i deserved to know). It wasn't until last night I learnt the terrible truth:

 

She chose to go away to a university 8 hours away from home last year because she wanted to get rid of me and partly because her parents always make her feel miserable because they don't like me. However, she didn't accomplish her goal of getting rid of me and instead missed me and talked to me every night she was there. Throughout the year she also wrote me many letters telling me how much she loves me. She said I make her unhappy but it isn't because of me, and that she cannot pinpoint a reason. However, she did say that she doesnt trust me or open up to me, even after all this time. On top of all that, she said she visited the doctor and he referred her to a psychiatrist who wanted her to be medicated on anti-depressants. I also learned that she had failed some courses at university and was put on academic probation for half a year. She told me that despite the probation (staying home for 6 months after the summer), she didn't want to be with me still. She was ready to move on, and I wasn't.

 

Last night's conversation was brutal. I asked to see her one last time before we say goodbye, but she refused to. I also asked to be her friend but she refused that as well. Since Monday we haven't talked and she hasnt called me and that was why I initiated the conversation last night, knowing that I can't stand it anymore. How can anyone simply erase someone out of their life like that? She was my girlfriend and best friend at the same time. In one night I lost her, and it felt as though she had become an entirely different person, heartless and uncaring. I never really said goodbye, although I did, and even at the very last moment I told her I still love her, because in my mind she will always be the girl that changed my life, the girl who loved me. Despite knowing everything she hid from me, there is much more that I do not know about, and most likely never will. She hurt me so much yet I know that I probably can't love someone as much as I loved her. Sometimes I blame her parents for because they always make her feel miserable and threatened to kick her out of the house like they did for her sister. (they were both adopted)

I do not know what it means to not live without her, but I certainly know that she will always be on my mind as the girl who I loved but could never have. I don't know what to do, I can't even tell my parents about not seeing her again, and every so often they would ask me about her. But either way I feel that I could never stand up straight to look at life straight in the eyes again, I really need help.

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Artscrafter

It sounds to me like she's facing a lot of issues right now. Ultimately it seems that she broke up with you because she was unhappy wih the relationship. You shouldn't be too hard on yourself about this since it looks like it had a lot to do with emotional problems on her end. Regardless, she associates those bad feelings with you now, and she wants to break it off. The no-contact is probably because she wants to move on and realizes (correctly) that seeing you periodically would only serve to make moving on a whole lot harder.

 

It's a real shame, and I sympathize with you on this, but it's done with and you're going to have to move on too. I'm afraid it'll just take time to heal from this, but I'm sure you will. Might I suggest finding something that you enjoy doing without her, since sitting around and dwelling on it isn't going to help anything.

 

Also, why can't you tell your parents about the breakup? Seems to me that one's parents would be a good source of emotional support for stuff like this.

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ConfusedInOC

My ex wiped me from her memory with one simple phone call....

 

She made up her mind well before she talked to you as did my ex. Its unfortunate she can't give you closure but about the only thing you can do is initiate no contact and hope she comes around...

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