why can't i leave him and should i leave or try harder?
hi any one here?
Basically i have my own problems and don't feel like i am maturing well at the moment, my bf is a year younger than me and i totally understand he will be slighty less eager to grow up than me yet he is responsible enough.
He lives abroad from his family and i feel the pressure of him missing family life. His brother also lives with us as he has nowhere else. They're relationship is improving slowly as it was very volatile previously. These are not my problems but i feel them all the same.
In the past my bf has been very hard work, abusive, violent, possesive and everytime i have asked for space i do not get it. He ignores what i am saying as if it means nothing cause it does not fall in line with his benefits/wants.
He has been unfaithful and is addicted to porn. We have aired this on many occassions where i tell him how i think he prefers these girls on me, as he will not venture much in the bedroom. Yet i am satisfied with our sex life? I just wish he would spend his energies spicing it up for us and not him. I have oftened initiated underwear, handcuffs, toys and watching porn with him. But he still is not quite answering my needs.
I now feel like it is hard to be nice to him because this is how he switches it when i am upset. He blames it on me or makes me carry his guilt, and he wants me to be sweet with him but i am finding more and more difficult. I don't feel like he is the one for me to keep doing this yet i feel trapped by him. I even find it difficult to say i love you and he always has to get this out of me. Whats the best thing to do if i stay or leave?
LEAVE NOW!!!! LOOK AT IT THIS WAY IF U LOOK INTO HIS EYES(IF U GET THAT KIND OF MOMENT)AND SEEN NOTHING BUT PAIN AND A MEANINGLESS FUTURE FOR THE RELATIONSHIP THEN WHY EVEN DEAL WITH HIM?
EX:BEATING ROCKS ALL DAY FOR ONE WEEK.U WILL FEEL EXHAUSTED AND YOUR WORK MEANINGLESS.SO WHY SPEND YOUR LIFE DOING SOMETHING MEANINGLESS WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY MEANINGFUL THINGS TO PUT YOUR ENERGY TOWARDS.
No if's and or buts!..u know it.. its a waste of your life, time to move on ... u want to hang on to him till your like 60? and then leave? do it now, i know what its like, and i finally did it and you will feel soooo liberated and free, and you''ll be surprised and proud u did it plus there is so much fish in the sea! good luck!
I stayed wayyyyyyyyyy too long in a unhealthy relationship. I just cannot begin to describe how GOOD it felt to drive away into the sunrise and not look back ! Please life is precious...Make it count !
If he is abusive or going to hurt you when you try to leave you need a safe plan. That means money hidden away. Bags packed with essentials which are stored elsewhere. And a good friend or support system.
You dont have to live this way ! Every minute and hour and day you waste with this loser , is time LOST ! Girl you are young....dont wait til you are old and gray and then NOBODY wants to help you ...
Re: why can't i leave him and should i leave or try harder?
Mary3 has some good (although sobering) advice. You should absolutely leave this guy, no doubt about it, and you should do it soon. But you should be careful about how you do it since you say he has a history of violence. My aunt was married to a man who was possessive and manipulative, and he tried to hurt her to prevent her from leaving. To be safe she ended up leaving the state.
Definitely have a plan. You might want to look online at resources and advice for women in your situation... I tried a search for "battered women" and got lots of information about what to do (while you don't make it clear whether you're being physically abused, abuse is not just physical.)
By the way -- these sites recommend you clear the history files and browser cache if you using a computer your boyfriend shares.
Hopefully we are just overreacting! Leave him, but do it safely!
[color=blue]I suggest you talk to your minister. If you don't have one, go to ANY church and seek advice.
These are people who are there to help.[/color]
Basically i have my own problems and don't feel like i am maturing well at the moment, my bf is a year younger than me and i totally understand he will be slighty less eager to grow up than me yet he is responsible enough.
He lives abroad from his family and i feel the pressure of him missing family life. His brother also lives with us as he has nowhere else. They're relationship is improving slowly as it was very volatile previously. These are not my problems but i feel them all the same.
In the past my bf has been very hard work, abusive, violent, possesive and everytime i have asked for space i do not get it. He ignores what i am saying as if it means nothing cause it does not fall in line with his benefits/wants.
He has been unfaithful and is addicted to porn. We have aired this on many occassions where i tell him how i think he prefers these girls on me, as he will not venture much in the bedroom. Yet i am satisfied with our sex life? I just wish he would spend his energies spicing it up for us and not him. I have oftened initiated underwear, handcuffs, toys and watching porn with him. But he still is not quite answering my needs.
I now feel like it is hard to be nice to him because this is how he switches it when i am upset. He blames it on me or makes me carry his guilt, and he wants me to be sweet with him but i am finding more and more difficult. I don't feel like he is the one for me to keep doing this yet i feel trapped by him. I even find it difficult to say i love you and he always has to get this out of me. Whats the best thing to do if i stay or leave?
I would suggest to you that you get out of this relationship he will never change although he might say he will he wont and if you stay in this relationship you will always think what if.
You should get out of this relationship he has cheated for one and seems like he is never going to change. If you stay in this relationship you will always think what if. Break away and do things that you might not have been able to do while you have been in this relationship.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
why can't i leave him and should i leave or try harder?
Please life is precious...Make it count !
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