HELP!!
I have been dating a great guy for 1yr. Met the family everything. So he makes plans to go to his home town in Cali at a time he knows I can't go. He then calls me and informs me that he is going and says "you can go if you want to I just can't afford to pay your way." To me this just means he planned a trip and doesn't really want me to go. The why is what has been driving me crazy.
So, I came up with a plan to see if he really wanted me to go. When I (lied) and told him I could probably go and had money for a ticket he seemed surprised and a little negative. 1st he asked if I could get off work. He then went on to talk about how expensive food etc. was and he couldn't afford to help me. Not the " oh how fun, I am so happy, etc." sort of reaction I was hoping for. I was testing him though but I was very upset and talked to him about it. He said he would love for me to go and didn't mean to seem that way. I still can't go though.
So now I saw (spied) in his e-mail that he send the guy friend he will be staying with with his flight and said "bring on the bitches." Now I know it is wrong to spy, and so I can't bring this up. But is he just joking around, guy talk, or is he a slut? How will I ever know since he will be miles away?
Your boyfriend's reaction to your suggestion that you join him on his trip sounds like the excuses i give to my husband when he suggests he accompanies me when i go away. I may be condemned for admitting it but i am married and having an affair without my husband's knowledge. When i'm with my lover i tell my husband i am with a friend, and be it for one night or an entire weekend, whenever my husband suggests he accompanies me i give similar excuses.
Why? - it's obvious - i don't want him there because i'm up to no good.
I'm not sugesting your boyfriend is having an affair, but from someone (myself) who knowingly uses similar excuses NOT to be accompanied on a trip, it doesn't sound positive.
Not necessarily- maybe he wants to hang with his boys??
Once a year or so I like to get away with some of my girlfriends who live all over the US. I wouldn't want my SO or Husband to go either- it's girltime!
Could be he wants to hang with the guys! And the comment is a typical comment one guy would make to another- inappropriate- but they say things like this!
Why didn't you just say "hon, do you not want me to go, because that's totally cool. just be honest with me" - that would probably have cleared things up quicker than snooping and emotional manipulation.
Excuse me? No I dont think so. I think thats so messed up! From what you have posted it does sound as if he didn't want you to go. Instead of coming up with ways to help you go all he is coming up with is ways to remind you of how you cannot go.
It sounds as if hes going to stay with his boys, in his home town, and he wants to go live the single life for a couple days.
I would definitely talk to him about this. Its sucks you spied but I would admit that i spied and ask him what he meant about bring on the bitches and tell him that your not dumb and that wtf is going on?
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The male brain is more compartmentalized than the female brain. Men can seperate things whereas women have a harder time cause their brains are all wired together in some inter-connected mish-mosh.
I would bring up the e-mail but I am pretty sure that if something is going on he's not going to say "honey you're right...I planned on getting laid. But now that youv''e found out I won't cheat" Not going to happen, he is going to get angry for spying and lie about cheating if he really planned on it.
I did ask him why he didn't want me to go, that I was ok if he didn't just why? He kept saying he did, he is still saying he does. I go on girl trips too but he knows he's not invited. It's strictly girls.
Basically, I have to go on assumptions and I can't do much with that. I don't want to dump him because I suspect he is lying. Everything else is going great. I am afraid though that I am a fool (AGAIN) for trusting this guy, and I can't do anything about it!!!
Well when im in doubt ( which is a lot of the time lol ) you can't do anything else but follow your instincts. That girly gut feeling thats telling you something it wrong.
Do you know the guy he is staying with? Can you trust them together? Do you know anyone else from his home town?
You know,.....you dont always have to go everywhere with him. We like our girls night out too dont we? Geez,..let the guy have his boys weekend or whatever. And yes,....you should be ashamed of spying on his e-mail. Thats no different than if you opened his actual hand-delivered mail. Which is a crime, by the way. But anyway,....if you dont trust him,....then THATS the issue. Too many times people think its the SITUATION they dont trust. When in fact,...you'd do the same sneaky things to check up on him the very NEXT trip he went on. And if you dont have any REASON based on past events to not trust him,....and still dont trust him right now,...well then you just arent a very trusting person. Insecurities,....we all have em' !
Yes we all have them. But I mean c'mon a girls night out ok.a guys night ok I can understand. But thats just one night out. But hes going to his home town far away and he's writing e-mails saying bring on the bitches? A guy in a relationship doesn't say that!
As for the spying yeah it sucks ya spied but then again that does go back to trust and if you don't trust him you have to sit down and think to yourself why you dont? And will you ever trust him?
If the answer is no then you have a lot to think about.
Oh and one more thing,........................that little "game" you played to get more info out of him by "pretending" to be able to go with him,......THAT WAS DECEITFUL. You're using lies to find out stuff about him. Duh........
Uh,...........yes guys do. In relationships,...out of relationships.........they all do. Its about being around the "pack". When your around the guys you say stuff like that. Or else you hear the "pussywhipped" whhhhiiiiit ticsssh!!! sound. Its all about being manly. Unless you know hes cheating,....then you cant TREAT him like hes cheating. Innocent before proven guilty???? Hello??? Turn it around on YOU for a second. You'd feel the same way. Especially if you really werent doing anything wrong. And what exactly is wrong with going on a trip with your buddies???? My brother has been married for 4 years. And for the last 10 years,.....hes gone on an annual trip with his friends to a different location everytime that they call (what a coincidence) "Boys Weekend 2000 (or whatever year it happens to be). Marriage didnt put a stop to that. And it shouldnt have. You need to stop thinking that women need to CONTROL men once in a relationship or marriage. A trip means nothing except he needs time for male bonding. Geez.
Ok first of all Geez relax! I never said it was wrong for guys to go on trips with other guys. My bf does it all the time. I'm all for it. Sometimes you need to bond with your friends and you need time away from your other.
The only thing Im saying is that from what she has posted it really sounds like he doesn't want her to go and then the e-mail. I mean you don't have to be a rocket scientist to put two and two together?
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You need to stop thinking that women need to CONTROL men once in a relationship or marriage. A trip means nothing except he needs time for male bonding. Geez.
I know I shouldn't have spied. I can't explain that. It was just stupid and I was nosy. I always have been. It was at that point when I saw his e-mail that I realized that this trip may be more than a homecoming. That was when I tested him (yes with lies) to see if he would be happy that I was able to go.
I did trust him before. I still trust him pretty much, except this "bring on the bitches" thing has me worried and his flat reaction. I don't want to go on every trip with him. I just want to know he is not planning trips so he can get laid.
And I know guys need to have their time. He never said that though. If he had said, "hey I just want to go and hang out with the guys, etc." that would be a different post. He said, "you can come if you want to", which seems to be code for: please don't go!
And no, I don't know the guy he is staying with, or anyone from his hometown. His family lives somewhere else now. Just his friends and ex's and I guess some bitches I don't know.
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Is he a slut? Are they all?
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