[Sankey]

Hi fellas, i'm new here and i guess i found the forum just in time.

I'm goin through a hard time right now Reason= Three days before i met a girl who studied with me while i was in college 5 years ago and whom i had a crush on and also she was my friend.

It was about five years ago. We 5 guys and two girls were a group while in college we were all good friends. I had a very deep crush on a girl in our group let's call her N. N & I were good friends also, but i didn't have the courage to make a move for her i was afraid of rejection (i still am). So the other chap in our group, let's call him J, makes a move for N and they become an item, J always knew that i liked N. The other guy and the girl were already goin steady at that time, they are K & M.

We were all just good buddies before itemisation happened (lol) and we were all together almost all the time. But after that happened i was left out and so i slowly stopped being with them but i still liked N.They were in their world & i in mine and we went on like that till the college was over. After college we went seperate ways and no news of anybody. And i was staying away from my hometown.

I am having holidays these days and i'm back in my home town. This saturday i was with an old frind of mine who was with me at the college and he recieves a call on his cell. He tells me that K & M have got married recently and they are here now and N is also there with them. He wants to go i didn't want to and he says N have broke up with J. I really dint want to go but i went. Actually it was nice meeting them after 5 years, i was surprised, and i was feeling happy for K & M since they were able to do it. N was there we had some eye contacts but i din't talk much but we had general conversation.

I very much wanted to talk more with N but somehow i wasn't able to get any topic either. Now she's workin in a company and doin her chartered accountancy programme. After an hour or so we all say bye bye and split up

I get N's phone number from my friend and today i first messaged her and then later called her. I wasn't able to speak much with her this time also, i asked her a few things about her job and her exams and all, she also asked me about my studies (yep i'm still studyin biotech it is) and my life in general. I wasn't able to keep the conversation goin and she's havin exam tomo, so i said bye and hung up.

The problem is i don't know how to go about talkin to her... we were once friends, but the gap is 5 years and i don't know what she'll think. How should i talk to her, should i act just like being a friend or should i let her know my true feelings from the beginning, ie., should i let her know that i love her. Now that i think J is not in the picture.

How will she react if i tell her that i love her? Respected members do you have any suggestions as to how i should take this further? I'll be leaving the place by next month and anything after that has to be long distance for some months till i come back.

Please help!!!

[LucreziaBorgia]

DO NOT TELL HER YOU LOVE HER. That would be very, very bad. You are basing that on something five years past. Treat it like a new relationship. Date her if you can. Take your time and work your way up from there.

Call her up and ask if she'd like to go out to dinner. If she doesn't accept or makes excuses (or gives you the 'friends' excuse) you'll have your answer right away.

If she does accept, see how she acts during said dinner. If she is distant, refusing eye contact, turning her body from you, crossing her arms over her chest, or the conversation is stilted or lame then end the date and take her home after dinner. If it goes well, and she's laughing, having fun, smiling a lot, lots of good eye contact, making excuses to touch or brush up against you, all that stuff - then suggest a movie after dinner. Then after the movie, you can hit late night coffee if its going well, otherwise take her home. Tell her you had a great night and that you'll be calling her up again soon. Then follow through with another date at a later time.

[Sankey]

LucreziaBorgia, i think what you suggested is the best thing to do, ask her on a date and start fresh! But since we haven't been in touch all these years can i just call her and ask her out? I have called her only once after i met her after the gap and there wasn't much of a conversation. Do you think if it's too early to ask her on a date? If yes can i call her up once in a while and then suddenly ask her out?

What do you think is better -

1) Call her up once in a while like every couple of days talk about something or bout ol memories and one day ask her out.

2) Just call her one day and ask her if she would like to go out with me.

I don't want her to think of me as just a friend. And is it good to keep in touch throug sms if not calling?