[totallydumbfounded99]

What are the official rules for "taking a break"? Does anyone know? Please let me know your thoughts!

[morrigan]

Someone who says they want to "take a break" is either afraid of being honest and telling the SO they want to permanently end the relationship, or they want to be by themselves/date other people, and keep the ex around in case they don't find someone else.

In my mind taking a break means a breakup. You don't expect or demand things from the other person.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Its like coming in to work on your day off. You aren't expected to do any work-related activities, you aren't expected to follow employee policy, you don't even have to act like an employee - because its your day off. You still get the benefit of the security of being employed, and are still collecting benefits and a paycheck - but on your day off, you can do whatever you want. You aren't obligated to the company in any way on your day off.

Taking a break is the same way. On a break, you don't have to follow relationship rules. You aren't bound by monogamy (unless that was expressly addressed as a part of the 'break' - it it wasn't brought up, then anything goes). You don't have to treat the other person like a boyfriend or girlfriend. If you want to come in and work off the clock (casual sex) - then that can happen, too - but it doesn't change the fact that its a 'break'. While on the break - the person gets to benefit from the security of having a relationship - but the 'break' allows for minimum, if any obligation to the relationship.

In the case of the victim, it would be like a fellow employee realizing that she is overwhelmed, understaffed, overloaded and needs help badly, while the perpetrator comes wandering in and refuses to help because after all, its his day off.

Depending on whether you are the victim or the perpetrator of said break, it can be seen as either very convenient, or very selfish.

[sunshinegirl]

I am the one who suggested a break with my boyfriend.

Why? Because he was withdrawing and generally acting less enthusiastic about being with me. It was confusing and painful to me, so I suggested we take 2 weeks so he could sort out his thoughts and feelings. I made very clear that I wanted it to be a break and not a break up.

But you know what? He came back from the break and broke up with me.

[Treasa]

There are no official rules. The whole problem with taking a break is that people's feelings may get unnecessarily hurt, or their hopes lifted.

[BrotherAaron]

I don't consider seeing other people to be "taking a break"

There might be a rare occasion where somebody wants to take a break to be alone, and figure something out about themselves... but seeing other people and calling it a break is a cowardly way out of a relationship at best, at worst an attempt to keep somebody around for sex who you no longer plan to be with again.