[CurlyIam]

The thread I've started really got to me (that about men's capability to change). I was running my answers over and over again, and your input also, people. As you may have seen, alpha has a totally different pov and I started wondering... was he right?

And tonight, it came to me: no, he isn't. He may have some great 10 rules about keeping women around, but the truth is he's single. And he'll always be single. IT's like he said: rules of keeping women around, not on woman, not the woman. IT's a great philosophy for people who want to score as much as possible, it's a certain lifestyle. The perpetual single and unattached lifestyle.

The way I see it, it's like a perpetual seek. It's great fun when you're doing it, sometimes even addictive,but there's no greater purpose behind it. Dating's purpose - other than indiscriminantly sleeping around - is findig that special one person and holding one to it.

There's the BIG difference. I don't know if I'm making any sense. This isn't against you, alpha. I was actually starting to think that you might be right and we're all condamned to take bad boys having their nasty ways. Not true. Because even bad boys fall inlove .

Have a great evening, everyone!!

[HotCaliGirl]

Hey CIA, can you be A LITTLE more specific, as to what about alphie's doesn't work, and why you think so and what YOU think DOES work? Thanks!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by HotCaliGirl
Hey CIA, can you be A LITTLE more specific, as to what about alphie's doesn't work, and why you think so and what YOU think DOES work? Thanks!

yes I agree, HCG. More elaboration from CIA would be nice esp since she just ripped me a new a-hole

You may think and say whatever u want CIA but you know deep down that much (not all) of what I said is true.

[CurlyIam]

I should have posted it on the confession thread, sorry!

Ok, First, if you don't mind, call my Curly - blonde Curly , really, amazing what a hair do does to a girl's image.

Read the thread about wheather men can cange or not, the 2 positions are explained there....



To make a really bad comparision: alpha's position to me is like a little kid saying "and then my parents divorced and I only had one parent, like everybody else".. I associate with a dysfunction emotional, psychological, I have no idea...

Anyway, it was my Saturday night epiphany! Feel free to disagree. It's more of a way of living, lifestyle and values, if you want... one parent families aren't the rule, nor are "players" the majority or the new rule as single men.

[moimeme]

Curly, if you go back to Alpha's hints and tips thread, you'll find quite a few people said what you're saying. His theories work fine for those seeking the 'bed 'em and flee' lifestyle but that's not a guide to winning a mate for life.

[HotCaliGirl]

Originally posted by moimeme
Curly, if you go back to Alpha's hints and tips thread, you'll find quite a few people said what you're saying

I'm in the minority then. I agree with what Blind_Otter said:

Honestly, ALPHA is right. A lot of women go crazy for this type of man. You don't and that's cool, but by arguing back and forth with him you're just wasting energy. You're just nott he type of woman who likes that kinda man...

And then you said Curly:

I'd rather be married to a good guy and be monotunously happy for the rest of my life, without having to worry about the new secretary, collegue, work mate, front desk girl ever again

I think all women don't want to worry about those things, but it doesn't take away from the fact of what type of guy MOST women are attracted to. Once they're into him - that's it, then they try to put up with him, woryy, fix, change, etc. etc....

[moimeme]

MOST women are attracted to

Cite statistics, please.

[HotCaliGirl]

Originally posted by moimeme
Cite statistics, please.

My personal experience around hundreds of women throughout my life. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's my experience and the circle of women around me. Most books, magazines cite the same thing. It is wishful thinking to believe otherwise. The other women of course exist, but are in the minority.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by HotCaliGirl
I think all women don't want to worry about those things, but it doesn't take away from the fact of what type of guy MOST women are attracted to. Once they're into him - that's it, then they try to put up with him, woryy, fix, change, etc. etc....

I agree

Originally posted by HotCaliGirl
My personal experience around hundreds of women throughout my life. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's my experience and the circle of women around me. Most books, magazines cite the same thing. It is wishful thinking to believe otherwise. The other women of course exist, but are in the minority.

yes HCG. i go by what i have seen and expeiernce in real life. we don't need any stupid statistix to know this stuff.

I love the stats and million dollar studies done by researches that tell you that eating 17 big macs a day is bad for your health.

[CurlyIam]

Thanks for listening to my suggestion .

I'm not trying to look for zealots here. You're my friends, I wanted to share this with you, it's something that bothered me, because I couldn't quite explain it.

It's my personal discovery and it filled me with joy. I'm not a woman so worried that no man is ever gonna have me that I take "bad boy" attitude. And I'm right not to. The true bad boys don't want to settle. And very few do it by conviction, I have met very little players per se. Most of them were simply hiding their unsecurities under this mask.

I don't think that those impersonating "player" are mean or anything. I dare say they are necessary. It is necessary for our speacy to have this breed between us. Because after trying one, we're able to spot the good guys and maybe not take them for granted .

I for one am not afraid to be happy. Chosing a bad boy, like alpha previously pointed out, leads straight to misery. I've got a career, friends and enough hobbies not to need dramma. I know some women NEED dramma. Like to suffer.

You see, this is alpha's main point - as I've understood it. Women should suffer because they want to tie the players down. They are to rebel and screw around. And women are to take it.




I happen to think that there's something very wrong with this scenario. Maybe because I'm oldfashioned, lived my childhood during the communism and had a stronger sense of what's worth getting involved in.

[CurlyIam]

Originally posted by HotCaliGirl
My personal experience around hundreds of women throughout my life. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's my experience and the circle of women around me. Most books, magazines cite the same thing. It is wishful thinking to believe otherwise. The other women of course exist, but are in the minority.

yeah, makes me think of the Mean New Yorker attitude - Sex and the City, LOL!

That's what I'm saying. I think I'm in the minority. some women need obstacles to feel right. Are so used to being emotionally abused that believe that this is the standard. and when it's not happening they panic.


I am actually telling you to watch the third serie of Sex and the City! I'm awful, !!!

[Marshbear]

I think what Alpha was trying to say is that women say they want a certain type of guy but the ones that they choose to be with are not like they say. Men have learned, by your mothers, that as you grow up you treat women like you treat mom. When you apply this you find that most women do not want to be treated this way but really want a more or a scandrel type of guy. Not necessarily bad but not completely nice. There is such a stigma of the nice guy label that a lot of guys avoid it like the plague.

I think you can be a nice guy but not a wimp or a door mat. Men think that a nice guy is boring to women. You need to have that edge to your personality to attract and keep a women. It is a misunderstanding by the sexes as people's actions are not the same as their words. We are still learning about us and I suppose it will always be that way.

[Craig]

. . . "bad boys" think they know who they are, have insecurities about it and try to hide parts of themselves by acting a certain way. "Nice guys" are afraid of knowing who they are, have insecurities about that and try to define themselves through a relationship. Neither approach provides long term satisfaction and just sucks the life energy out of a relationship.

Then there is the 3rd kind of guy, he knows who he is, is not insecure about it and is an open book in a relationship. Having no or little fear about who he is this 3rd kind of guy exudes confidence, respects others and has clearly defined, but fair boundaries. The 3rd kind of guy isn't into attracting and keeping women around but instead seeks the right woman for himself. Part of his finding the right woman is to make sure that he is the right kind of guy for 'his' woman while be-ing himself.

Perhaps there is so little talk about this 3rd guy because he isn't advertising that he is out to get laid by a different woman every weekend or that he just can't get a date. Those roles are reserved for the "bad boys" and "nice guys."

We don't hear much from this 3rd kind of guy because he isn't looking for his philosophy of dating to be approved of and he isn't looking for dating advice. Also, we don't hear much from the kind of woman that this 3rd kind of guy is attracted to because she knows what she wants and finds it. She is confident, respectful and has clearly defined but fair boundaries.

The 3rd kind of guy doesn't have a recipe for success in love, he is the recipe. The 3rd kind of guy doesn't win or lose at love because to him love is not a game. The 3rd kind of couple is not in love, they are love.

[CurlyIam]

MAybe the third type of guy is what bad boys and nice guys turn into once they face their fears.

All I know is that the players get the females, but there's a turnover to be respected - like let's say 3 females every 6 months. The player concept doesn't involve one women. Never just one.


I think our society wants us to be unsure of ourselves - losing the referance point. Girls eat uncontrolably, the diet product industry explodes and people end up doing silly stuff for it. They buy shoes for self assurance, they go out more to be sure they're not missing anything. They'll have sex at the first date and one night stands to prove themselves they're attractive. It's but a pattern. And all of this at the expense of female insecurities. It's laughable really!

Yes, HotCaliGirl is right. There is a social pressure into accepting this type of behaviour - gals taking any sort o treatment from guys, only to make them stay. Which they don't.


I'm speaking about choice here. And the trick is, most of us make this choice later on, because even if the divorce rate is exploding, most married women aren't staying at home waiting for their MM to come back from the isles with the secretary . The mere fact that people chose to marry proves that I am right. That no one wants to be miserable forever. That women can take only so much unhappiness. Humans are seeking balance. That's why the bad boys type don't stick around too long. Because they are to get dumped anyway. IT doesn't make them any less desirable... for a while!


The bad boy mask is just a phase. A very necessary phase. Not necessarily unavoidable. IT's a choice, that's all. Sure, everyone likes a challenge. Even men !!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Marshbear
I think what Alpha was trying to say is that women say they want a certain type of guy but the ones that they choose to be with are not like they say.

this is exactly what i am saying MARSHBEAR.