[fyrwyfe]

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I just don't know what to do about my mother. She is pushing 70, lives on some acreage about 25 miles from me and 50 miles from my sister. She has enough work for 5 adults and more animals than I can even count. She planted all the fruit trees and took in (and purchased) all her animals; she loves this lifestyle. So this is my situation The latest issue is that we don't call her daily like some other peoples' daughters do, and we "should" because she would hate for something to happen to her without anyone knowing for any length of time because all of her animals wouldn't have anyone to care for them. I do worry that she could twist her ankle or throw out her back, but this is precisely the reason she carries a cell phone in her pocket at all times. She is thinking about how she could die up there and nobody would know right away because we don't call daily. I'm afraid to point out that she could take initiative and call us too to let us know that she's okay, I mean, why does it have to be only us calling? I think if I say that to her she will just assume that we don't feel she is worth the effort. It's like, by us calling her every day that would somehow prove to her that we do in fact care about her.

In addition, she is mad at my sister for something really minor, so minor in fact that my sister doesn't even know what she did wrong, just knows that she's "in trouble" again.... My mom says that we're only wanting to come up for Mother's Day out of 'obligation' and therefore she would just rather us not come at all. She is making it so we really don't want to come up, but deep down I think she want's us to call and beg.

I am 32 and my sister is 34 - we are competant, adult women with our own families and are being treated like little kids. We don't live up to her HIGH expectations and we are in BIG trouble. So, do you think expecting us to call her DAILY is asking a bit much? She's not arthritic or disabled; she's healthy and strong and has more energy than I do, so I am having a hard time with this knowing that it's all because she doesn't want her animals to be left unattended should something "bad" happen to her.
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[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Why not take turns calling her...you one day, your sister the next? Or, would she just find something else to complain about?

[TUDOR]

Originally posted by fyrwyfe
So, do you think expecting us to call her DAILY is asking a bit much?

This sounds a bit much to me but my mother is the same way. I use to travel out of the country a lot for work and my mother insisted I call her when my plane landed every trip just so she knew I made it safely. It is kind of cute and I did to keep her happy. But every day is very high expectations. I would say just make the effort and do what you can but don't let it bother you.

[laRubiaBonita]

it does not sound like your mom is the type that wants her kids to care and check up on her. so i doubt if she will call you every day.

why not just once a week and in between if you feel like it?

like you said, she carries a cell phone around, that should be sufficiant. She is not an incompetent being yet, just older.

[tiki]

Get her a medic-alert bracelet or something. Then if she falls or hurts herself, then she can just hit the button.

I thought the 'taking turns' idea was a great one too.

[fyrwyfe]

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Thanks for your advice guys. I think I might try to address her calling us as well, but I'm not sure if she'll go for it because she's getting something by US having to call her, more than the security of someone checking in on her. For her it'll prove that we do in fact care about her... The med-alert bracelet probably isn't needed, but I did think about something like that before she got a cell phone. The purpose of her getting a cell phone was to protect her giving her a way to call for help in case she fell down or something. Now it's about her animals. She is worried that something will happen to her where she cannot place an emergency call, like she has a stroke or something.... she's not worried about herself in this situation but all her animals, thus her reason for wanting a daily phone call. She has too many bodies up there - she lets all her cats (40 something) come in and out when they please, her house smells d*mn bad from all the pee - it's completely uninviting and unsanitary to the point where we think that something must be wrong with mom to allow the cats to trash her house. It makes me sad when we go up to visit and see the condition of her home, and she won't listen when we tell her the the cats will be just fine outside. Pick a favorite; kick the rest out. So that's what's frustrating for us - it's really not about her but all her cats and chickens, etc. So now my sister & I need to make sure we call her everyday or else we will be bad daughters.
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