Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
Hanging out with a Female Friend, when you have a Girlfriend. ???
I have a friend (this is honestly about a friend)
He's 25. And I just want to know what you all think of this...
He's got a girlfriend he really digs and tells me, "she's amazing, not
like anyone else i've ever met, we get along so good, she's the one"..
He was boasting the other day about how he thinks it's awesome the
way his girlfriend trusts his love and how... if he says he wants to go see
a friend of his (a female friend) and they're gonna go out to dinner and
catch a flick together & talk/catch up, She trusts him and just says "great, have Fun!"
"No Jealousy At All", he says. I don't buy it. She has to feel a Little weird, right?
He also used to tell me that his Ex-Girlfriend, when they were together,
used to get all bent out of shape because sometimes he'd take a shower
at friend's house (another female), because she lived so close to where he worked
and wanted to visit with her as well. He considered it an insult when she'd get
jealous, like she didn't trust him.
He's not the cheating kind, i know he aint. He's not capable of it.
But I think he's dumb and insensitive sometimes. I think that it's
lame of him to think He has a right to shower at another girl's house or
go out for dinner and a movie with another girl, when he has a Girlfriend.
(Inside note*, the girl who is just a "friend", the dinner & a movie Girl: He actually used to
have a big Crush on her and he still fancies her i think, so is that fair to the current
girlfriend? She doesn't know this about him, but still...)
Am I crazy, or is totally cool with you gals out there?? Is he insensitive? I think so.
it sounds weird....but either she really trusts him, or shes cheating on him
I can understand that him having a shower at a female friends house it wrong, I certainly wouldnt like my boyfriend doing it anyways!! But maybe he doesnt see anything wrong with it? If its all innocent then he probably cant see that its wrong..... on the other hand, are you sure hes not cheating? At least hes being honest with her and where hes going, maybe they just hav ea really good relationship which it seems to be from both there sides, it would be different if they both thought and felt different ways
I wouldnt underestimate what he is "capable of". He is a guy with a penis. Maybe he is'nt the sort to go getting himself in trouble but most men that I have known that have cheated tell me its more about the situation! I belive that.....if his girl is outa town for example and youve had a few drinks or whatever and your hot 'friend' who is a girl is making eyes at him and comming onto him, flirting with him, the mind might say "no" if he was thinking with his mind...his pee pee has other plans! And the famale might be up for the challange!
Anway it could be ANY situation and even for myself....(although i have never cheated)...i dont go getting myself in situations where I might....like getting really drunk and flirting with a hot guy...what if he went to kiss me and i wanted to kiss him...but I knew i was a relationship....blah blah blah...its complicated!
My last guy wouldnt agree with me (of course) he did all sortsa things that would upset me. He has slept in the same bed as a singer he works with who he admits is "gorgeous"....he went out to the movies with another women on VALENTINES DAY...****er!....i wasnt there as we are in a LDR...he goes out to dinner and movies with ANY girl that asks him...he says its fine as they were only freinds and he wasnt cheating...he has been out to dinner with girls that have admitted having a crush on him...and STILL he would go out with them again...he admited to flirting and looking at women and loving women blah blah...i had ALLOT to deal with.
When we met he was dating a girl but not commited to her and was shagging 2 other women at the same time....when he met me he never told me this...we fell in love...i got a ticket to see him...he bonked the girl he was dating (his way of saying goodbye aparently) then told me everything the week before i left to go see him. He also told me he loved me before bonking her! i was heartbroken but he wanted to commit to me so i decided to give it a go! Unfortunetly his behavior with other women was too much and I never had the chance to trsut him.
wait i have some more to add to the list. He is friend ...CLOSE friends with nearly ALL his ex girlfriends...he went out to dinner with an ex lover (who he used to have threesomes with years ago) and they hadnt seen each other in years so he went to dinner to catch up....he has another friend he has know about 8 years and they would have sex when ever he was single...he says he would hold her hand while walking with her sometimes....they ALWAYS kissed on the lips goodbye....they would flirt together....I saw her making comments about him infront of me reminding him infron of a whole party that they used to sleep together!...he has pictures of ALL his lovers and keeps every note and card...he even has pics of his last ex grilfriend NAKED with her legs spread in one and showing boobs in the other!
Anyway i could go on.....i'm thinking that maybe he has a point when we discussed these issues individualy...but altogether it was too much!!!FAR too much...i could add even more...but ill spare you!
Unfortunetly my opion about him going out to dinner with another women when she might fancy him was not heard untill he DID go out with a girl...she says to him "I have a crush on you"..he laps it up...goes out with her again...and then one night at a club....the circumstances got worse...he had a couple of drinks...she was there and flirting very hard...so was he....all innocent up till now right? well she kissed him...and he never stopped her....he didnt tell me about it...not even the dinner dates!
God im getting angry remembering...we broke up about 3 weeks ago! I dont think i had a jeliousy problem now writing all this down....i think it was all too much in the end.
the best thing this guy could do is talk to his g.friend about boundaries so everyone is happy....but if he starts going over board with too many things she might get hurt! On the other hand...she seems not to mind..but you do...why? YOUR not his girlfriend...what do you care?
If she is fine with it...then good for her for trusting him!
Maybe you have been hurt badly like me...and dont trust men in general!?
that's something i've NEVER been O.K. with, Remaining friends with Ex-Lovers.
Unless you have children with that Ex, why remain friends?
I think it's very Un-Cool. why would i want to Have a girlfriend and have
my Ex-girlfriend in the picture? "Hey Hunny, This is Julia, yeah i had my
d!ck in her a severak times in the past, but were just friends now".
I don't get it.
And taking a shower at a girl "friend's" house isn't very cool. And going out and
taking your Gal Pal out on a pseudo Date, when he had interest in this woman? I agree, why put
yourself in those sort of situations. There's respect and morals. That's sort of like
a recovering Alcoholic becoming a Bartender, but claiming he doesn't ever drink anymore, nor
does he have the desire to, Then why work at a bar?
Although....I dont see what is wrong remaining freinds with ex's....its ridiculous to say that after loving and caring for a person...you just forget about them! still remain freinds with most of my ex's but I dont go out to diiner with them, dont still kiss them on the lips goodbye and DONT call them by the pet names we used like honey or baby! THATS wrong to me...but I have broken up on good terms with almost all my boyfriends...sometimes a relationship doesnt work....and you can say goodbye without drama or consaquence...it think its fine to remain friends but my ex was far too close to his ex's and treated them like they were still together...it just left me confused and angry...the only difference was he was having intercourse with me! thats it!
saying that he might even be shagging one of his ex lovers/girlfriends right now....I wouldnt put it past him...he's done it before!
We are still friends though....we still love each other...but we chose not to be in a relationship anymore. But I wouldnt let him shag me again. He has to learn that he should leave some of the past in the past....I think he hangs onto his past too much...AND his freedom!
I want a boyf who has the decency o not only BE loyal..but ACT loyal...wouldnt be cool about him showering in aother girls house! But MIGHT be IF he is trustworthy and I know that girl well!
I'd feel like such an A-HOLE telling my girl, Sorry, I don't
want to han out with you tonight, I want to hang out with
my gal friend and take her to a movie and grab dinner with her
and take about things. I know there's truly NO harm in it, It's just
the way that it LOOKS...it would bug me.
Same with the shower situation.
Also, yeah, hmm...still can't agree on the remaining friends with an Ex.
I guess it depends on how the split came about. I would just feel weird
having my ex and new girl around each other. Im just that way.
There are limits to the sort of relationship you have with an Ex, once
there's a new love in your life. It's just respect to the new love.
The guy I was seeing before Daniel (my latest ex) was my boyfriend for 4 years! I loved him and cared about him but we couldnt work out our differences. I think by then end of it we wernt 'in love' anymore and were angry at each other as it wasnt working. He would fight almost every friking day. In the end I sat him down and held his hand and said "look its not working is it?" he shoock his head. We didnt want it to be a sad ending. It wasnt working BUT that didnt mean we had to stop caring about each other! He said "but I will miss you" and I said..."well if you miss me just call me...its all gona be ok...and one day if we let this go now...we CAN be in a happy relationship with another person" but of course we missed each other at first. We would still call...then text...even go out for a drink on occassion. As time passed we felt less need to call and text and see each other...but still knew he COULD if we wanted to. Breaking up was sad of course but we wernt angry at each other anymore...and we were there for each other if we needed to be! After 4 months we would only send emails on occassion! We had by then drifted apart and no longer felt pain or anger...but came to the point where we accepted each other and tha we didnt work. I met Daniel after 4 months. i told him all about my lats relationship and he understood that I still cared as he does for his ex's.
One day I was with Daniel my sister and my mum and we saw my ex from before Daniel. He was in the street so we got out to say hello. My mum caught up with him...so did my sis and they were all happy to see him. I got out the car to say Hi and he had a late xmas gift for me! He knew by then about Daniel and was cool! then the weordest thing happned! Daniel gets out the car and starts to walk over to me and my ex. My heart nearly stopped! he came up to my ex and said "hey how are ya! ive heard alot of good things about you" and smiled and shoock his hand! my ex was a lil embarressed and uncomfortable and I was trying not to laugh my head of with embarressment...but my ex was like "hey thanks heard some good stuff bout you too" we got back in the car after that. I said to Daniel that was a very brave thing to do...why did he do it? he says that my ex was obviously important part of my life and we shouldnt be ashamed about it and he wanted to meet him face to face to get over any aquard ness and all be OK!
I thought it was very cool the way they both dealed with it. Daniel is very open and mature! I dealt with his ex's the same way but the thing was ...i didnt go out with my ex anymore like to dinner or movies...THAT would just bring up old memories and maybe feelings and i didnt want that to happen! I still think you CAN remain friends BUT yyou need time to heal the wounds of the relationship stuff first...but also you need to play the game a lil differently. daniel didnt which led me to suffer jeliousy!
I liked the fact they were so cool but maybe its a cultural thing...i still like to leave a certain part of the relationship in the PAST...but no harm in checking in with them....just cause you arnt in love any more...doesnt mean you stop caring...and its always nice when someone cares!
If I was the girl I would feel a little uncomfortable with the situation.
I wouldn't like it if it was just the two of them. Just him and his 'girl' friend going out to the movies.
I would be annoyed if I was his girlfriend and if he ever blew me off to go hang out with the other girl.
If they were in a group then maybe it would probably more appropriate because then the girl would be more like one of the guys.
The shower thing would really get to me though.
If he's being honest about everything (sounds like he is about most things) and she doesn't seem bothered by it then it shouldn't be too much of a big deal.
Originally posted by bicyclejunk
That's sort of like a recovering Alcoholic becoming a Bartender, but claiming he doesn't ever drink anymore, nor
does he have the desire to, Then why work at a bar?
Because it makes a great premise for a long running Sitcom? No, wait, he has to own the bar, not just work there.
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I know the difference between right and wrong, I just don't care.
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Shut up, I'm not done blaming everyone who isn't me.
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"I have done that," says my memory. "I cannot have done that," says my pride, and remains inexorable. Eventually--memory yields.--Nietzsche
If I was the girl I would feel a little uncomfortable with the situation.
I wouldn't like it if it was just the two of them. Just him and his 'girl' friend going out to the movies.
I would be annoyed if I was his girlfriend and if he ever blew me off to go hang out with the other girl.
So would I, if it was the other way around. I just can't see the girlfriend being 100% into the idea of
him going out on a sort of DATE with his female friend. He can be pretty insensitive to people, friends
in general...So part of me just thinks he "thinks" she's okay with it and missing any signs that it's not okay.
I think it's lame of him to do it, when he KNOWS DARN WELL, that he has a crush on his friend. I mean, you
don't have to cut off all Contact, but don't take her out to dinner or a movie, that's just wrong.
He said: "she's really great, she came home from work the other day and I told her, Hey Hun, I'm
going to go out with Stacy, she's back in town and were gonna go grab dinner, maybe go see a movie
and catch up, okay?".....and apparently she was all "Sure okay, i'll just watch some TV and grab my own
dinner, Have Fun"....
I was just curious what y'all thought about it. I'm noticing i'm not agreeing with a lot of what this dude's ways
and how he treats his girl and how he treats Us friends, as well. He's insensitive and just dumb i guess.
It's all how it looks. I can go to a record store with my Gal Friend or go Grab a cup of coffee with her and rap
about things, but i'd never go to dinner and a movie with her. That's a little TOO "one on One". Plus I know my
girl would feel uncomfortable with it, so why do it? I respect her feelings.
My bf has one female friend. they've never gone out or anything. Sometimes they meet for drinks, I've been invited along when I'm in town.
This summer he's going on a roadtrip and he's going to stay with her for 1-2 days. I'm okay with it. (mostly). I suppose he'll have to take a shower there, now that I think about it, but considering what a prude he is! (He won't even let me peek in the shower while he's in there), I really don't think there will be any problem.
However, it's very different to go on a "date" --- dinner and a movie alone with a member of the opposite sex.... And to take a shower there, when you live in the same town. That's a little wierd!
Bunny! I knew that was you when you started talking about the ex being a male slut! Hope you're doing okay today.
I'll be ok one day but its hard to think of that day at the mo!
We have been in contact every day for 1 year 8 months now! After the break up we tried not to be in contact but we eneded up slipping back into old habbits! We also ended up going back to the way things were...him calling me baby/honey/sweetie...saying i love you and having phone sex! It was all wonderfull and very healing for me as I thought he had fallen out of love with me. I began to be hopfull for us but he says he wasnt happy the way things were!
Anyway i decided the other day to write to him and say it best we lose contact as im getting confused! Also getting angry that again he was having his cake and eating it! It was like we were back together bu he was free to shag other women! Like an open relationship that I never chose to be in! Anyway I decided that I would be devistated if he/when he sleeps with someone else so we spoke for a long time on the phone! its was definetly said that its best we lose contact for a long time and maybe in the future when Im over him ill call as he has always been a loyal freind...but never loyal as a lover!
This is day number one of us no communication for the first time in a year 8 months!
Wish my strength please...this is gona be a tough one!
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