When my ex and I first broke up (kinda mutual but more on his side then my side) he wanted to be friends and see where that took us (as we kinda lost ourselves and became what we thought we wanted each other to be in the relationship). He had tears when he saw me. He would hug me when we saw each other.. we hung out every so often... and now, nothing. He rebounded (day after we broke up) to this girl who was being a 'friend' to him when we broke up and is now hanging out with her (sex invovled) all the time. They had no previous friendship/relationship before our breakup - she was just someone we both knew. He has since hung out with her more and more.
Now he is saying that he is leaving all doors open for the future but dosen't want anything right now. I have taken the last 1.5 months to fix myself and have made some amazing changes in me... I would like to see if it can work again in the future... but am worried that I may not have the chance. I fear he is going farther and farther from me.
I am currently working on NC but there have been occasional calls as we were finishing up stuff with our last apartment (ie packing up everything, seperating stuff, cleaning). We both did our stuff in the last house on seperate days.
On top of this, he and his rebound FWB girl have taken a road trip together and wanted to stop and visit his mother. His mom and I still talk and she told me that this new girl is not welcome in her home to sleep in the same bed with him. She apperently told her son this and he was very upset about it.. as is the new girl. She said, to a friend of mine, 'eventually his family and friends will have to accept he will have new girlfriends'.
Not sure of my next moves. I am really trying to stick to nc and trying to give him some space... any advice would be WONDERFUL!!
What would you want to say anyway? He's seeing someone else. There's nothing to be said.
The only reason to break NC is to get something off your chest and there doesn't seem to be anything to get off in this situation. It is what it is. Nothing will change it. Why try?
Well - I am hoping to reconcile with him. We both knew we had to get back to being ourselves and we are. The new girl he is seeing he has told others isn't serious -they are just FWB but I think it may be a little more. I know he still cares about me - he was telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me just 2 days before we broke up.
I am keeping faith that this is a rebound and that we will get a chance to work things out... some people on this site have talked about waiting until the newness the rebound wares off...
I guess I just wanted to know there is hope...or what I can do to help it.
A little update - so as I suspected it was a rebound. It seems he has had too much of the new girl (she may have gotten a little clingy and needy - and he wanted just a sex relationship from her). He has taken off to his mother's for a week or two for a vacation. I still care for him. Haven't called him in over a week to give him some space. When we have talked we have had good conversations. He seems sometimes eager to talk - and friendly.
I am very proud of the changes that have happened in me and the way I look at relationships. I hope I do get the chance to share this with him. I feel like I am walking a very fine line right now between us having another shot and not. I strongly believe he is afraid we would just end up as we were before. I know 2 things:
1- I would leave if it was... I would get out before it got that deep ever again. if he hasn't changed as well then no way.
2- I feel like a whole new woman and it is GREAT!! I just wish I could share it with him.
There are new insterests in my life and I am happy that I am able to actually be attracted to and want other men... but still none really compare in my heart to him when we were happy.
I have done everything right so far. I have fixed myself first, given myself N/C time enough for me to sort things out. I am happier. He has seen me with my friends out and not watching or wanting him (although he was watching me all night).
So - I am thinking of calling him tonight just to say hello. Any suggestions? Any advice on how I may pluck at his heart strings once again?
I have recognized the unhealthy things I did in the relationship. I have read a LOT on this site, on other sites. I have bought books. Improved my own self confidence. Attended councilling to understand other parts of my life.
I have created a life for myself and realized now that I leaned on him for my life and my happiness when we were together. I didn't let go of things and didn't communicate clearly.
I realized that I was more of a mother then a girlfriend and that, when we were happy it was times we were just being us together. I would say I trusted him but never really allowed myself to trust him.
One great book I read about relationships is 'Kosher Adultery'. It was a book he bought for both of us to read (before the break up).
So .. the two big changes would be ONE my own new sense of adulthood. My regained independance and realization that I create my own happiness and not someone else - that being in a relationship is merely sharing that happiness and your life with someone you care about. SECOND would be my new understanding of relationships. I have been in so many where my signifigant other has ended up like me... needy and well.. we have just ended up in an uninspired non-mysterious relationship. 'Kosher' really helped me understand that side of things more. I have always been the 'him' and was the one that got tired of it... now I am or was like my exs. I am just not sure how I can possibly show him. I know it takes time and it is all in my actions - but with him away i feel like I am at a bit of a road block. He can't see my actions if he isn't around. That is why I want to call him today and just say a friendly 'hello'.
His mom and I had this really close relationship before - it was beyond him and me. She saw me as the daughter she once lost. She calls me and wants to stay in my life and I don't mind. It was hard today when she called me out of the blue and was telling me things about my ex.
As for the girl he is/was seeing - we live in a really small town. Everyone here knows everyone - and knows their history. So keeping in the loop about her isn't too hard. I don't ask around about her but I do hear things. Just as I hear things about my ex and, I presume, he hears things about me.
Originally posted by shockedheart
... we live in a really small town. Everyone here knows everyone - and knows their history. So keeping in the loop about her isn't too hard. I don't ask around about her but I do hear things. Just as I hear things about my ex and, I presume, he hears things about me.
Got it.
My sister lives in Idaho... same thing occurs in her neck of the woods.
I didn't call him yet. Wasn't planning on telling him about "how much I improved" or anything. Was just going to call him to say a hello and joke around a bit. Just to keep contact and keep it warm (especially since insiders info tells me he isn't seeing his 'friend with benifits' in such a great light right now).
As for bumping into him - it was working great. Last tuesday he saw me at the bar everyone goes to on that night. He came in and said a very friendly "hey how are you!" and I said hi back - was busy talking to someone else. I had a great time that night and I am sure he noticed. I caught him looking a few times. I didn't say anything to him - he didn't say anything to me for the rest of the night. A mutual friend said it was most likely he didn't know how to approach me without getting the glares from all of our friends and I felt the same way about approaching him (who seem to all be very interested in us even being in the same room right now never mind talking - they all think we should be together and have taken too much of an interest in our relationship).
'Bumping into' was going well but now he has taken off for a little trip until June 4th or so... it is a chunk of time that I will not be able to use since he isn't here. Was enjoying at least having him around - but I am sure him going away is for his best. I guess I am just afraid this space is going to help him forget some of me... or loose some desire. Which is why I wanted to call for a 'friendly chat'.
from the sound of things i garantee hes thinking about you more then you probably think. he might be sorting out some thoughts, just give him time and be a friendly face and ear, stay flirtatious, but dont let him hold up your life, if you want him to WANT you, act as if your high on life and happy as can be, trust me, he will come looking
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Trying NC but he is in a rebound relationship!
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