[Chris777]

this is more like a branch to my other topic, but different enough I thought I should post seperate.

My daughter Tried to call her mom again tonight, and her uncle told her that her mom was off at the BF's (see my other topic) dads house. (which we dont have contact info on)

I am getting asked questions I am not shure how to anwser, and the standard "you need to ask your mom" is wearing thin as she apparently feels taking care of her abusive (ex?)Bf and his father are more important than her child. (or like she has told me that she knows that I "take good care" of our daughter so she doesn't worry as much about her like she worries about her other kids, Which she has limited contact with as well)

But I get asked (about my daughters mom)

Where is she?

Can we go up there and try to find her?
(Which i did a few times, but considering the situation, and my lack of gas money I would rather not do unless I have spoken to her mom, and located her ,vs just wasting gas and time looking)

Why did you get divorced?

as well as it breaking my heart that she longs fer her mom who I honestly dont know exactly what she is doing.

And I know I probably come of fas slamming her mom, but I am sick of defending her and her behavior, only for her to continually return back into bad behavior/company.

I know to try not to speak derogatory about her mom, but when she promices her daughter to see her more after her surgery, and then she ends up spending time (apparently) with the ex and his family, I don't know what to tell her.

I just need a way to try and comfort my child, in this uncertain situation, as I am no longer able to "aid, help , or indulge , her mother in what ever ',most current, mess she has gotten herself into. And then to return back to it or another.

I used to go out of my way to help my daughter see her mother, but I am having health problems , and can no longer do this.

I just don't want my daughter hurt any more than she already has been.

[agnf666]

When I was 8 yrs old my mother left my father for his best friend. So, my mother did the whole "Take care of the kids" thing. So, when those "you should talk to your mother moments" arises I always had my aunt or my grandmother to tell me things like that. My dad did too.

It was hard not having a mom... It got easier as time went on. I always had my aunt and my grandmother to talk to. I would maybe talk to her aunt or something and see if she can help with the "You should talk to your mother" questions.

The questions she asks are perfectly normal. My grandmother and Aunt help me through those questions. If you can't answer her questions then she is going to get more in need for her mother. You should sit down with her or have a female family member sit down with her and answer her questions. So, she is not left in the dark about things. So, this makes you look like the better parent. Get another family member to talk to her might be the key so she will get closer to them and you won't have to worry about talking about bad talking her mom.

It is not your place to run after her mom. You got to get her thinking that her mother should be coming to see her not her going to see her mother. If she doesn't want to come and check on her daughter then she doesn't care. I know that is hard but her mother needs to put out the effort to talk to her daughter. Tell her you do not know where her mother is. Tell her that you wish you did so that she could see her more often.

How old is your daughter??? Is there any way you can get the contact information from the Uncle??

[Chris777]

Since the Bf and his dad don't hold jobs i doubt they have a phone , unless they got it since the last time I heard any info on it.

I figure the mom will end up calling on mothers day.

It isn't the female questions i get asked and don't know how to anwser.

Its stuff like why doesn't she call?

Where is she?

When can i see her?

Why did you get a divorce ?

stuff like that?



How old are you now? By the way?
and how do you feel about your mom?

I keep hoping she will change back like she was before we split, but i guess that is a pipe dream since its been 8 years , and its like she is still clueless.
Whats so wierd is she thought her 1st husband would do to her kids the things she has ended up doing.

[agnf666]

I am 19. My mom is suppose to see me ever other weekend. That happened like for the first 3 yrs after the custody thing. My mom would never be able to take care of me and my brother. I love her but she was not thee for things that I need her for so it was hard. I got through it though with the help of my family. I talk to my mom but not all that often...

When your daughter gets old she will realize these things. It's not that her mohter doesn't love her ... It just that she choose to live a different life. In which, it would probaby be hard for her to understand. I don't remember if I asked those questions when I was little. My dad or a close family member would answer any questions I had. I know it is hard but if you don't answer them then she might get the wrong answers from someone else... like her mother. So, I would try to explain to her (not all the details) but enough to make her understand why her mom left and those other questions. If you can't have that conversation try to get your mom to see if she can do it. Grandmothers can make these things easier...
.