I am have a little problem (and it seems to be growing) with my female friend of 8+ years. She is a few years older than me & hates any woman that becomes my girlfriend. She doesn't come right out and say it, but she constantly puts them down for no good reason. She puts down the girl I am with now. WHY? We are not best friends but we are close enough where we keep in touch with each other. A long time ago I used to have a big crush on her, however she was always in a relationship. Sometimes she kept me dangling as the back up guy just in case her situation didn't work out. I wised up and didn't want to be a toy. So, I have been way over her for years. Now she is showing so much interest in me, it's absolutely crazy. When I was single and would go out on a date, she would become furious if I told her I kissed my date--and this is while she had a boyfriend (Now I never rubbed anything in her face, she would be the one to ask me--Did you kiss her? Did you have sex with her?) If I said yes to either question, she would become really upset with me--again even though she has a boyfriend.
I don't know how this male/female friendship thing is supposed to work anymore. But, I am starting to hate the way she talks about the woman I love. She says she is just being honest, but she doesn't even know my gf. I guess I am just venting, but I am actually asking if any of you have experienced this from the opposite sex? How did you deal with it? I am seriously thinking about ending my friendship with her because I feel she is starting to get out of control. I receive calls from her through out the day just wanting to know what I am doing? Who I am with...etc. My GF doesn't even do that.
She had her chance with me and she told me she was attracted to me but didn't want to risk the friendship? Now she has become obsessed but I am not interested anymore and never will be. How do I get her to back off because I don't want this causing problems with my GF?
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Trust me, you won't last 1 round against me!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!
But your female friend sounds like a toxic person. And you should get her out of your life. She'll only bring you down and she might even bring your relationship with her.
She sounds crazy, and sooner or later your gf will wonder why you are still friends with her, and it will cause problems.
Because she knows once you are involved with somebody else she is going to fall to the backburner. Yeah she has a boyfriend, but she is USED to being your friend ONLY. NO female competition. This has nothing to do with her 'wanting you' it's more of an ego thing and a GIRL thing of being possessive and jealous. Again, this is her EGO that is hurting...She knows you won't "be into her" anymore once you're with another girl.
Suggestion? Tell her it's none of her business who you see and what you do. Tell her that she has a boyfriend and she should be concerned more about HIS life than yours. IF she wants your friendship and to be part of your life JUST AS A FRIEND then she has to back off and keep her comments to herself. Continuing to blurt things out that really aren't nice and try to make you feel bad or guilty is just gong to push you away from her. You have to put your g/f first and not this interferring friend! Nicely tell her to back off and if she doesn't then she'll suffer the cocsquences won't she...
Sounds easy to me. Tell her to F*CK off and leave you alone, and that you never want to see or talk to her ever again. Sounds simple, eh? It should be that simple. Unfortunately it isn't. You'll have to pinpoint those buried reasons why you held on to her for these past years, and why you continue to hold on to her even though she is a detriment to you and to your future with other women.
Men don't keep threatening women like this around, unless there is a reason... 'friendship' doesn't cut it. When you fall in love with someone, all 'friends' like this fall to the wayside. This woman still has some hold over you that kept you with her, and allows you to let it interfere with your current relationships.
You two have unresolved emotional issues between you. That doesn't make you 'friends'. 'Friends' don't have to 'get over each other' or 'are jealous of people I date'.
You'll need to find out what it is that truly keeps her bound to you, and break those bindings. As long as she is in the picture, even as 'friends' - you cannot truly be happy with someone else. Either she won't let you, or you won't let yourself (by allowing her to remain in the picture even though you know she sabotages your relationships.)
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
LB are you a shrink? You kinda talk like one. Not trying to be offensive it's just that you seem to have a lot of insight (or opinion) into the human pysche.
Yeah you all have a point, thanks for the advice. Actually, to tell you the truth I have no interest in her as a potential gf....at all. I guess I have kept the friendship because I don't feel friendships should end. However, I am going to let her go as a friend. She has to have some sort of unresolved issue with me and I shouldn't let it destroy my future.
LucreziaBorgia ,
I actually thought she would be happy for me but she always has something negative to say. I guess she isn't happy with herself and her relationships. It's not my fault what happens with her. I am actually happy and I think she is jealous of my happiness. As of today, she is cut off. I will let her know this the next time we speak.
I barely read your first post and scanned the replies.
After reading the tittle of your thread and your first paragraph... she wants you, man! See what you can make of it. 8 years of not having your itch scratch... can get to a woman, if you know what I mean !
Curly
P.S. you're a man, she's a woman. Unless you consider her completely repulsive phisically or are not AT ALL and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES attracted by her, you can be friends. Otherwise, it's a diseaster waiting to happen.
Hey Fundamental. It sounds to me that she is very interested in you as a boyfriend and that she is jealous of your girlfriends you have. Maybe she feels she made a mistake when you liked her she wosnt with you and wos with other men or wotever.
I reccomend not just getting rid of her and telling her where to go, unless you are completley not interested in her as a friend. Instead i reccomend talking to her and telling her it really gets to you when she runs your girlfriend down. Chances are she may not even realise wot shes doing. She may just be speaking her mind without thinking And if you feel you do HAVE to get rid of her friendship please let her down carefully. Either way she likes you and is jealous.
Originally posted by CurlyIam
I barely read your first post and scanned the replies.
After reading the tittle of your thread and your first paragraph... she wants you, man! See what you can make of it. 8 years of not having your itch scratch... can get to a woman, if you know what I mean !
Curly
P.S. you're a man, she's a woman. Unless you consider her completely repulsive phisically or are not AT ALL and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES attracted by her, you can be friends. Otherwise, it's a diseaster waiting to happen.
Yeah a disaster almost waiting to happen. The thing is, although I am attracted to her, I am not interested in her anymore. Does that make any sense? I'm guessing that if I wasn't with anyone and she wasn't with anyone, we'd be seeing a lot more of each other. It's just lately, she has been more expressive to me and calling me a little too much. If nothing ever happens between us, I can live with that. I couldn't have said the same thing 5+ years ago.
Originally posted by Jadey
Hey Fundamental. It sounds to me that she is very interested in you as a boyfriend and that she is jealous of your girlfriends you have. Maybe she feels she made a mistake when you liked her she wosnt with you and wos with other men or wotever.
I reccomend not just getting rid of her and telling her where to go, unless you are completley not interested in her as a friend. Instead i reccomend talking to her and telling her it really gets to you when she runs your girlfriend down. Chances are she may not even realise wot shes doing. She may just be speaking her mind without thinking And if you feel you do HAVE to get rid of her friendship please let her down carefully. Either way she likes you and is jealous.
Good luck
Jade
Jade,
The thing is I am starting to wonder after all these years, if she truly just wanted my friendship. I never mentioned it before but she has asked to be (have sex) with me in the past while she had a boyfriend. I always had to say no, even though it killed me. Now, I am not interested. Sometimes I look to her for advice about women, but I don't know if her female voice is helpful.
Originally posted by fundamental
The thing is, although I am attracted to her, I am not interested in her anymore. Does that make any sense? I'm guessing that if I wasn't with anyone and she wasn't with anyone, we'd be seeing a lot more of each other. It's just lately, she has been more expressive to me and calling me a little too much.
The 1st line makes perfect sense. I have a couple female friends that although I admit they are attractive, I am not interested in dating for whatever reason. Nothin wrong with that.
As to her making negative comments about your girl(s), I think it's just a jealousy thing. It's amazing the kind of things a woman will say about another girl when she is jealous. I honestly don't think she is intentionally trying to be mean or negative, it's just a self-defense kinda thing. You're moving on, and she obviously has some kind of feelings deep down for you, and you obviously aren't returning the feelings and she hates it that you're seeing other girls and not paying attention to her.
I would just tell her like "Why do you keep saying so many bad things about my girl?" I think that might get her thinking about it, and she'll get the hint and hopefully stop and realize why she is saying these negative things in the first place.
I wouldn't just throw away the friendship. You have to realize that she isn't trying to intentionally hurt your feelings by saying these things, she's just doing it cuz she's threatened. If you want to end it because you think she has feelings for you which won't go away, and it's interfering with your other relationships knowing there is someone else who likes you (and happens to be very attractive) then I can understand. But don't just end it right away without getting atleast some kind of explanation, or making an attempt to try to get things straight otherwise you will regret it.
Yeah we spoke about the situation and she realized what an @$$ she has been. She said that she didn't mean to offend me. So, I guess our friendship is ok....for now.... lol.
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