Hey lookin for a little advice on time with my wife\family

prime81782 · 27th April 2005, 11:30 AM

Hey lookin for a little advice on time with my wife\family....I have just recently gotten married

and most every thing is goin well but i find time manigment kinda hard to deal with. I have been teachin and taking karate for many years,and for 2 nights a week i teach\take karate and about 2 times amonth me and an old friend go out and have a couple of drinks or play tenis,rackett ball ect... I just feel rahter bad about it because my wife is doing the house wife thing with our 2 kids while im at work and karate, so i know her hands are full and she doesnt have any friends worth mentioning in the area to talk to. and i really dont know how to handle it. so i ask all who care to read thsi am i bieng selfish?? and what other things should i take in mind. like i said we are doin fine just i feel like i could step it up a notch.

thanks

Craig · 27th April 2005, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by prime81782
we are doin fine just i feel like i could step it up a notch.

Good post prime.

What you mean when you say that you could step it up a notch?

prime81782 · 27th April 2005, 11:42 AM

Spend more time or i should say quality time with her and the kids.. i feel kinda selfish sometimes i guess

Mz. Pixie · 27th April 2005, 2:17 PM

Hi Prime,

I was married for a long time and selfishness was the number one reason my marriage ended.

My exhusband scheduled leisure activities for himself almost every weekend. We had two small kids that I was left in attendance of most weekends. It was a rare weekend when he wasn't out of town for the whole weekend. I wouldn't have any help with the kids. In a over 10+ years of marriage, I went away four times with some girlfriends, period, for a short weekend. He would offer to keep the kids so I could go away but then he would schedule all the weekends up so I never had the opportunity. Talking about it never helped because he would just get mad and defensive. I asked for counseling he wouldn't go yada yada.

I felt really neglected. It's very important for you to have couple time with your wife. My exh would be gone all weekend having a good time- come home and then expect me to lay out sex for him when I was exhausted from taking care of the kids!

I think you need to talk to your wife and see what her comfort level is with this. It's different for everyone. My exh wasn't engaging with me when he was there- ie he was present physically but not emotionally. She may not care that you are away but then again it may bother her. It's fine to have outside interests, I'm not saying you have to stay home all the time, but the two of you should come to a happy medium.

Why not offer to keep the kids one Saturday and let her go get a massage or pedicure? Then you prepare dinner and let her come home and take a nap if she wants and do not let the kids bother her? I would have LOVED something like that!

quankanne · 27th April 2005, 2:41 PM

date nights are always a good idea, IMHO, because you're setting aside specific time for just the two of you.

so is setting aside one or two days/nights a week where she gets down time, alone. If she needs to use that time to catch up on personal business, great! Take a class? Catch up with her buddies? Mess around on the computer without interruption? Go to a chick-flick? Time alone is highly underappreciated ... believe me, she'll think you're some kind of wonderful for doing something like this with/for her!

Moose · 27th April 2005, 2:58 PM

Sign her and the kids up to your dojo. Date nights twice a month with the wife just like you do with your buddy. Sundays should be exclusive to home too. There is enough of you to go around.

Ladyjane14 · 27th April 2005, 7:58 PM

Why not suggest that she take some college courses if she hasn't finished her degree, or maybe a part-time job? This would give her an opportunity to do something productive outside of her 'Mommy' role, as well as to meet new people.

It's important to have some time away from the home when you're a SAHM. Just small-talk with other adults is a serious thrill, when your on your own with the kids all day.

If she has a little bit of time to pursue her own goals, chase her personal dreams perhaps.....she won't mind that you take some time for yourself too.