Hey guys, So today I completed My first week of Nc with my ex. I went out with her for three years and i think she's dating another guy already. I told her that I would still be there If she ever needed advice or if there was ever something important. She wrote me 2 e-mails on monday and called me on thursday, i didn't pick up or answer her e-mails. What I want to know is whats worse: Never being available and dissapearing off the face of the earth (not picking up calls, not answering e-mails, just never talking to her), or, is it better to answer once in a while when she calls and seem to be busy, or talk to her but seems really happy like I don't have a worry in the world?
If you continue to talk to her it will be more difficult to move on. Give yourself some time. I suggest that you ignore her for the time being. Wouldn't you rather be happy than to just "pretend?"
First you say:
"I told her that I would still be there If she ever needed advice or if there was ever something important."
Then you say:
"She wrote me 2 e-mails on monday and called me on thursday, i didn't pick up or answer her e-mails."
If you are going to implement NC, then you should not have said that you'd be there for her. Your statements are contradictory and to her sends a mixed message.
this is true, but i want to kow whats worse for her? will she go crazy if i just dissapear or will she goe crazier if i talk to her and seem great and happy? I need the opinion of girls who did the dumping or guys who did eaither one.
Originally posted by Aguardiente83
this is true, but i want to kow whats worse for her? will she go crazy if i just dissapear or will she goe crazier if i talk to her and seem great and happy? I need the opinion of girls who did the dumping or guys who did eaither one.
Who knows. All I am saying is you told her you would be there for her and you are showing her you are not. It makes you a hypocrite.
You shouldn't have told her you would be there for her and then go an implement NC. You should have said nothing if you were going to go NC. But since you did say you would be there, I would have called and find out what she wanted. If it was trivial, then basically tell her good luck and move on with NC.
Asking how she will handle it is not a relevant question as only SHE knows how she will handle it.
From my perspective, you're putting her feelings above your own. What is worse for her is not something you can really predict. It's impossible to know how she really feels about anything at this point. Acting busy or ignoring her phone calls could be a good tactic or it could just force her to move on. If she loves you and decides she wants to come back to you, then it won't matter whether you answered her calls. She'll make an effort that you won't mistake.
So I suggest that you be totally true to yourself. I get much more peace of mind from this than I do anything else. Answer the phone when it rings no matter who it is. Tell her if it's painful to talk to her and request she stop, if that's what's best for you. Or tell her you're busy, but only if you actually are busy. Maybe she'll respect the honesty from you, which might be the most you can expect from her. But what's more important is how you feel about yourself and what you're doing in your life to meet your own goals. If you know what you really want in life, then it won't matter whether she calls.
Regading NC - dont do it if you are only doing it for the reaction of the other person. Do it because you are ready to move on. Dont do it because you want the person to notice and dont do it because you want the person to come back. Do it for you and only for you. And also if you are doing NC - you cant be there for advice etc. Keep doing what you are doing. Dont answer the phone or respond to the emails. That is the purpose of NC. Hang in there. It will get better.
I agree with Confused. You said one thing and you're doing another. It's clear you said you would be there for her in order to appear to be a good guy, trying to appeal to her. Now you're deciding whether to answer her calls, so you aren't being there for her. Take some time and pick a strategy that you know is going to work for you in your life, whether she's there or not.
My problem is choosing between no contact and being there for her. I want to maintain a possibility of getting back together (which I suppose is my problem), but I also don't want to spend every waking hour thinking about her. She claims to need me in her life, but when I'm in contact with her I'm constantly scheming about how to get her back.
I have tried to end contact before, and it results in her getting mad at me and me fearing that I will lose her forever. But then, when I try to be friends thinking that she will miss what we had, I fear that she'll think we work great as friends, so why go for anything more?
I guess the real issue is us trying to win our ex's back. We should be moving on, but it's hard to move on for the sake of moving on when you're trying to decide what is the best way to get back together.
Well i am not sure what I would do if I was you. I can only speak for myself. I see the advantage to no contact. But than again I view it as a crock of ****. To me if you dont contact someone that you loved so deeply every once and while than they might think your arent affected by it and that you dont care. My ex broke up with me because she wasnt sure if I was the right guy for her. She assured me she loved me. Sometimes people get off track and get confused on what they need or what they want. People get hurt but thats life. What hurts is will only make us stronger in the longrun. To me if ya do the whole no contact thing she might not think ya care about her as much as ya did and ya moved on so freely. So therefore it would be easier for her to move on too. I dont know I wish you guys all the luck.
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