Sigh my life goes from bad to worse
My boyfriend and i had an argument the other day nothing new there he picks on everything i say but this time i bit back a bit too much and accused him of killing one of my cats who went missing, yep i know evil of me but i really didnt mean it if i did think that then i wouldnt let my other cat be looked after him while i am away but now he says that he cant forgive me for saying that and that he dosent know whether he wants to be with me anymore thou hes been saying that he dosent know what he wants for months now and maybe he is using this as an exscuse.
What gets me is after him saying to everyone who he talks to online and maybe his rl friends too that he hated me and that he wished i was dead among other things and then said it was a joke and that it was said during an argument he cant forgive me for saying what i said during an argument.
I am seriously wondering if his goal in life is to completely ruin mine as this isnt the first time he has decided after i have given up my home to move in with him that he dosent know whether he made the right decision although he was the one who kept reasurring me that he had changed for the better and that this time he wouldnt hurt me again and like the mug i am i believed him and ignored my instincts that were telling me not to trust him again and now i am back where i was before with no money and soon to have no where to live either if he decides he wants to break up and this time he will also leave me with a load of debts because it was my c/c that was used when such things as heating oil needed to be purchased and we still owe my parents money coz they lent us money to move into where we are now and they paid to get his car fixed when it needed doing.
I am sure i have walk all over me written on my forehead, i am at my parents house now and its getting hard to keep up the pretence that everything is fine and i am happy because they believe that my bf is a better person than he was before and that i am more confident with myself but i am not i feel like giving up, i dont think i can cope with going back to nothing it took me years to finally get on my feet after he did this to me last time and that was only when i had nowhere to live this time its much worse as i wont have enough money to pay all the debts off and i just dont know if i have it in me to cope with it all again.
And i wont be able to move back into my parents house as they have a dog old and set in his ways and so it wouldnt be fair to introduce him to a cat now so thats out of the question
Sigh sorry this is long jsut needed to talk im feeling so depressed just dont know if life is worth the hassle anymore
ps And the talk never happened i waited and stressed about it for days and he never mentioned it so i decided to approch the subject and he said he was watching a film and then he was too tired and went to bed so guess he wasnt that bothered about having it
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