I want everyone to look up this disorder on google. "Borderline Personality Disorder". Many of us have a tendency to get involved with some very........Interesting cats. Some realtionships can be so bad, filled with drama, that in the end you are left wasted like going on a 24 hour Cutty Sark binge (not good). It is my personal opinion that there are many of these "personality" types destroying people on a daily basis.
I heard from the grape vine 2 weeks ago from a friend, that my ex was diagnosed "borderline", lol. Another reason why no contact rocks. "Hey No Foolin your ex is a sith lord" lol.
Word of caution, these people did not ask for these disorders. You don't roll down to an action alley in Wal-Mart and pick this up. You have to have one hell of a childhood to get this way. Have a little sympathy, keep your distance, keep no contact.
Remember when you've taken a great loss, it all boils down to you; not them. Nobody can save you. You will repeat the same mistake in relationships until you get real with yourself. THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY "Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results".
No Foolin
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For those of you who have just broken up, take the red pill below.
i definitely can identify quite a few of my exes with that...especially the boy i hve been frequently posting about in the friends and lovers forum. it all makes so much sense!!
but i ask you...what do you do? give up on these BPD people or hang on and they will one day change?
and are people with BPD always incapable of maintaining a normal relationship?
i know you wont have all the answers...but id like to hear some more insight from someone who apparently dates the exact same type of people i date!!
(and i thought it was always me all along...
__________________ Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure. I believe in telling myself the truth.
I also believe in learning from it instead of regretting it.
Who we date if we are not right with ourselves tend to reflect that "unwellness". If we date more than one of these type THIS IS OUR FAULT. We are selecting them (something about recreating childhood trauma, in order to work through childhood issues). Truth
Some people need drama.....maybe its all they know. "Borderlines" are deadly to a non-borderline. Contact with one is a one way ticket to a shrink
"borderlines" are not stable, they can't hold down relationships. They literally do not have a personality. Chaos and seperation from reality, accountability, and logic is very normal.
Don't try to make sense of it, our mistake was thinking that we were dealing with a normal girl/guy. Its not your fault. It was like having only one half to a puzzle. You lost before it began.
Nobody tames a borderline, your just victimized by them. Run!!!
In addition, all of us show some signs ("traits") of at least one mental disorder at subclinical levels. For example, you might have very mild neurotic tendencies.
For both of these reasons, without formal medical diagnosis, it is better to say that your ex is "showing borderline traits". Or, if you are absolutely convinced and need a peg to hang it on, "has borderline tendencies".
Moreover, as NF notes, the degree of BPD will to some extent be mirrored by problems within you. You will be attracted to them for a reason. A classic (but not the only) combination is someone with borderline traits pairing off with someone with narcissistic traits.
Borderlines are deeply unhappily people. Most psychological disorders - whatever their drawbacks - provide some kind of defence and a "safe place". This one does not.
Sadly, BPD has a reputation for being intractable to treatment. For the full blown disorder, advice for dating them can be summed up in one word: don't.
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That is not me in the photo. Nor is it my ass
If I'm not mistaken, Borderline Personality Disorder is the hardest mental disorder to treat. These people usually can't be helped.
They surely can make someone's life a nightmare. I would guess that if you find yourself constantly attracted to people showing traits of BPD then in some way you may be attracted to the drama they always have/create.
People with BPD are usually victims of very traumatic childhoods. I guess this may be a cause for how they confuse love and hate a lot when they are in romantic relationships.
I've just ended a hyper-intense 4 month roller coaster of a ride rebound relationship with a 36 year old woman whom I'm now convinced has BPD: the mood swings, disconnected anger, super-sexual focus, history of emotional and physical abuse as a child, etc.
People with BPD are usually victims of very traumatic childhoods. I guess this may be a cause for how they confuse love and hate a lot when they are in romantic relationships.
Well, this explains my bestfriend and why she's having SO many problems in her marriage right now.
She is the most wonderful and loving person (to me anyway!) but can do a 180 in less than 3 seconds. I know her childhood wasn't easy and unfortunately experienced some unnecessary suffering that could have been prevented by her mother.
Word of caution, these people did not ask for these disorders. You don't roll down to an action alley in Wal-Mart and pick this up. You have to have one hell of a childhood to get this way.
Not necessarily, No Foolin.
People can be born with certain chemical imbalances. Or they can acquire them later in life through drug use or abuse. With many BPD's, drug/alcohol use or "self medication" is one of the common symptoms…along with a plethora of others such as eating disorders, self mutilation and sexual deviance. Because drug/alcohol abuse can also severely alter one's personality, its hard to determine which came first --- The chicken or the egg. Even trained professionals have a difficult time determining the difference. Since Borderline is a relatively new term or "label" used to describe a certain set of personality characteristics or behaviors, there's still a lot left to be learned about the disorder and how it came about.
I have two people in my immediate family who have been diagnosed with BPD. Neither of them had a bad or abusive childhood. For the most part, they were both intelligent over-achievers in grade school, excelling in grades and extracurricular activities. PERFECT kids! Then, when reaching adolescence, a switch was flipped somewhere. Like most teenagers, they went through a rocky and rebellious adolescence which neither of them ever grew out of.
While prescribed anti-depressants and behavior modification can help a BPD if caught early enough, for the most part parents simply assume that this is just a stage their teenagers will eventually grow out. Because of this, they don't seek clinical help until the child is much older (usually an adult) and by then certain behaviors have become so ingrained that they are difficult to change. Particularly if drug/alcohol addiction has set in.
Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder run so close in hand that it's often difficult to tell the difference. With Bipolar, the depression or "mood swings" can last for days. Borderlines tend to be more manic…going from up to down within hours. They'll be raging at you one moment…walk back into the room and be all cheerful and loveable the next as if nothing happened.
"Go away, I hate you!....But please, I need you so don't ever leave me!"
If that sounds familiar, I'd recommend the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" if you're interested in getting a better understanding of this disorder. Meanwhile, I'd caution anyone about labeling people who have yet to be clinically diagnosed. Particularly if you know that person may be using recreational drugs or alcohol on a regular basis.
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"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.” ~ Mark Twain
I know a couple who both have clinical diagnoses of Borderline Personality Disorder, and they get along great. I think knowing a lot about the condition and being with someone who experiences the same things goes a long way to strengthening the relationship.
I grew up in the school of BPD! My mother suffered, her's was narcassistic but she also had traits of the others. I went to counseling and my therapist suggested I read up on BPD. I visited the bpdcentral website and I was in a support group for three years for adult children of BPD parents.
My mother suffered no abuse in her childhood that I know of. In fact, I'd say that she had a great childhood. My grandmother helped raised me, and she raised her as well and without my grandmother I wouldn't have lived past 12!
I always knew something was wrong with her because of her rages but she took medicine for anxiety and depression. My therapist said that is because medication rarely helps them- it's not like they are manic depressive and can pop a pill and be better. It takes years and years of therapy for a BPD to begin to see the tiniest bit of progress.
They rarely seek treatment because they don't think there is anything wrong with them. It's always the other person. They do not have emotions really and are disconnected.
They are marvelous little actresses- they can fool people and draw them in. Only to "BAM" sock it to them later. They call this sucking people in and then hurting them "hoovering". My mother hoovered me all the time until I learned how to deal with her, set boundaries.
My whole life was about her- when I got married, all about her- when I had my first child- all about her- when my best friend died- all about her- when I was ill in the hospital with the second child- you guessed it- all about her.
I could tell you some stories that would curl your hair. Luckily for me I had my grandmother who was nurturing and loving and did her best to make sure I turned out okay.
It's particularly hard when the person is your mother- the one person who is to love you more than anyone ever and you can't count on that person.
i think "borderline" is a very general and crappy way to "diagnose" someone.
they may as well call it "kinda looney.....but normal- personality disorder" You either have a disorder or you do not. Just another way for doctors to push pills, treatments, and bills on us.
there should be no grey areas when it comes to diagnostics, IMO.
__________________ Glitter: The herpes of craft supplies.
~Demitri Martin
Well, if you read the characteristics of these traits and had been brought up by one you would see how hard they can be to figure out.
They are one way one minute and the next another way. Or that period of time can vary. Plus, they act and fool people into believing they are something else and then they will do something awful and that person will be like, "Where did that come from?"
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