I cheated and she is in the anger stage but it is killing me....HELP
Ok I screwed up royally and cheated on my soulmate. We were best friends before the relationship and our relationship has always been the best. She has children and I have none and I let her children destroy what I thought of our relationship. Well before I could tell her she found out and she loves me so much she is working through this with me. We are going to counseling which helps alot. My problem is with each day she keeps getting angry about the affair and seems to keep digging for more info to make her more upset. She has now asked me to move out but we are still a couple. Just taking some steps back. I have done so because I will do anything to save this relationship. My problem is with her badgering me I feel like crawling under a rock and going away. I am at the point I cannot take it anymore but I cannot leave without trying. SHould I just cut back on my contact with her and hope she calms down some ?
Yes she is very angry, confused, questioning her own worth and your loyalty as well. Answer her questions, best now not to lie about anything. If you love her and want the relationship to continue, tell her that. If she loves you, she will forgive you eventually, but she will never forget. I've been through all of this. And it still hurts even though it happened years ago. But that is me.
You need to look hard at the reason or reasons why you strayed. It takes 2 to make a relationship work and both of you have to be willing to work this through. If you can't agree to that, then give her time and try talking to her again. Good luck.....
Something like that takes months to forgive if not longer. Be patient and try to understand an "I'm sorry" doesn't make everything turn back time to the way it was and it can't be forgotten. She is having a lot of uncertainty, mistrust and other issues that only time and a lot of effort in counseling can take care of. How long since this happened?
it has only been 3 weeks but I keep thinking her anger is going to overtake her. I know it is more than anger. It is hurt etc. i did all this and wish I could take the pain away from her. I am so scared on what to do or say. Now I am out and I feel I should leave her alone and let her contact me. Is that a mistake ? WIll I lose her that way ? It is killing me to not call her.
I would call her. She is attending counseling so she obviously wants you in her life, even if she is pushing you away a little due to her mistrust and fear you have created for her. She needs to believe you care and not bothering to call does not say to a women that you care. Don't push yourself on her. Just say you want her to know that you are thinking about her and hope she's doing alright. Even if the conversation is awkward it will be nice for her to know that you really do care and want to resolve things over time.
3 weeks was recently. Her first stage of grieving will be anger, then probably sadness and after this hopefully at some point forgiveness. And the anger and sadness may even go back and forth before she can forgive. I think the more you understand her feelings and accept it will take time, the easier it will be for both of you.
Good luck and hang in there yourself. It sounds like you know it was a mistake but you are on the right path.
thank you for all the help. I even called our counseler today because I am having a rough time with all this. Having to move out of our home we built together has taken a toll on me. It makes you realize how much bigger your mistakes are. I will be posting more because I will need the help for sure. Thanks again
The hardest thing I am dealing with is she still wants to stay together but she doesn't want me living with her right now. So I am out on my own and the week she has her children I won't see her at all. So I can see I am in for the long haul. I really feel like I am in prison currently. I just hope she misses me and wants me back soon. I know I have to prove myself because this is all my fault. Sometimes life really sucks..but I deserve it.
yes..now I am byself this week so I am really not sure what to do with myself. I want to go out just to be around people so I don't feel so alone. I have no interest in other women.
i would respect her need for space, but don't cut her off completely. she needs to know that you care too, and you don't want to send the wrong signals. and yes, this can take awhile, but it's important that you understand she's probably more hurt than angry.
why don't you try going to the movies this weekend to be among people and take your mind off things a bit?
Ok this may sound stupid but should I only call once a day unless she calls me ? I don't want to put too much pressure on her. Since I have never done this before..I am winging it.
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