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1. I dont' understand why he's even trying to go there again.
2. I have such strong feelings for him and we have so much in common and get along and understand each other so well.
3. What should I do?
4. Should I pursue a FWB again and hope he falls for me or is it a lost cause?
5. I need honesty here so please don't be afraid of hurting my feelings.
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1. Because he misses the benefits. Not enough to want to be your boyfriend though. He knows you'll agree to whatever terms he gives you, so what's he got to lose? If you say no, he'll just continue what he was already doing: looking for a girl he wants to date. If you say yes, he'll have sex with you and still continue to look for a girl he wants to date.
2. This is why he knows you are going to agree to whatever terms he gives you. If he felt the same way about you that you feel about him, he'd be dating you.
3. Cut him off - 'no contact' or 'emotional no contact' (meaning you force him into keeping things platonic - and if he insists, you cut him off entirely - you allow him friendship, but only with ABSOLUTELY NO BENEFITS). It likely will not have much affect on him, so you aren't going to want to see this as a method to get him to "miss you" or "want more". It is more a way for you to clear your head and move on from this. You have to make a conscious choice: what is best for you, or what is best to preserve the unhappy status quo.
4. You can pursue a FWB, but you'll need to understand that he simply does not want more than that right now, and hoping for anything more is likely to be a lost cause. You are giving him the opportunity to have a great relationship with you, and under these circumstances he continually rejects that in lieu of a FWB relationship. If you want more, you'll need to understand that offering someone something they don't want is not a way to get it.
5. I don't intend to hurt your feelings, but hopefully I can offer up a POV from someone who used to be a lot like your b/f. It can be brutal and harsh when you expose it for what it is. Its entirely too easy to read hopeful signs into something, when in fact there are none there. Not to say things can't change, but right now - he says he can't even tell you why he doesn't want to date you. I can guarantee you that he knows perfectly well why he doesn't want to date you - but he knows that if he tells you his real reasons, that it will hurt and anger you - and he will no longer be able to get those benefits from you.
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do not want to be hurt and I'm afraid I'm going to be hurt again. It took awhile to get things back to normal after we ended FWB
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Note that this apparently doesn't matter to him, and your emotional state is so unimportant to him that he is perfectly willing to drag you back down to an emotional hellhole that you fought to get yourself out of. He knows that he can't offer you what you need, and knows that you will be hurt - but... that isn't as important to him as having you around as a convenient 'pseudo girlfriend' to pass the time until he finds a 'real girlfriend'.
Hopefully you will find the strength you need to make the conscious choice to say 'no' to him if he can't give you what you need out of this relationship. Chemistry can be had between two people: but that doesn't mean that a relationship can come of that.
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