I may never see my love again, and I'm dying inside...
I need help to cope with this... I have no idea what to do with anything right now. I am totally in love with someone... more than I've ever felt for any person in my entire life, and I can't be with them. Long story short... I'm a senior, he's a senior... easy right? Yeah... well, he's an exchange student. I've only recently come to terms with the fact that he's going back home in 2 months... and it's killing me. I don't know what to do. I dont see him as an exchange student... just a person. It's all my fault... I told myself in the beginning that it was stupid to get involved with someone who in a few months time wouldn't even live in the same hemisphere... I never thought I'd feel like this about him, but I do... I've had so many relationships in the past... but I've never felt this way. I dont know what to do, and I've been completely depressed for weeks. This is the end of my senior year, I should be having a wonderful time and just ending my school years with a big bang... but it's all going down hill... I just want to be numb to it. My school work is becoming poor, I'm becoming detatched from my friends... and I can't even talk to him without crying... How can something hurt this badly? I feel like someone took a thousand knives and stabbed me all over my body.... I just need advice... anything.... anything at all, please...
Oh sorry... I didn't think about that when I was typing... He feels the same... He says so anyway... We talked about it when we first got together, but he told me he doesn't like to think about the future, because it just makes what's happening now, a lot more depressing... which I agree... but now that it's 'the future' I'm freaking out... I'm too afraid to tell him all of this, because I know he doesn't want to think about it... it's too sad... he says he loves me, but we cannot be together... I dont know how to cope with this at all...
Most people *clearly that I know anyway* think of exchange students just to be exchange students... not normal everyday people. They're generally treated differently... I was an exchange student in Japan last year, so I know how people treat exchange students. They are thought of as 'people' but are treated like a removable existance, rather than someone with thoughts and feelings and LIVES outside of the country they're staying in. Thats what I meant by that....
And the reason we can't be together, is because he got accepted to his choice college in Chile, and I recieved a full ride scholarship to my college in Nagoya, Japan (I am an american.) I need ideas on how to cope with this. We're so different, we almost make no sense. I just... I don't know what to do.
I don't think there is any advice to offer, to be honest. I can't think of any anyway. If you can't be together, then you just can't. I'm pretty sure there is a LOT you don't know about him, and at your age you're both due for lots of change. Whether you want to hear that or not, it's true. So don't torture yourself by thinking that he's "the one". You couldn't really know that for several years, after you and he are farther into life.
I'm sure it's painful, but the only thing I can think of to make the pain go away is to take care of yourself and wait for time to fix it. I know it's hard though. In some ways a break up you can't control is better than one you can, because you both get to leave with only good feelings about each other. You only have to regret the things you can't control, not the things you could have controlled.
Two young, free and single people met eachother, there was a big spark - and you both acted on it. If you hadn't, then 2 years down the line you'd probably be feeling stupid for missing out on something wonderful. You're starting to deal with the pain of having to separate from your first big love, so don't beat yourself up with comments like "I was stupid to get involved" or "I should be having the time of my life right now".
With time-limited relationships, every minute you spend together becomes incredible precious. You both put the very best of yourselves into it, and the intensity of feeling that emerges can be very hard to replicate in more open-ended relationships. Ultimately, this guy has helped you to discover some of the passion and happiness you're capable of. The ability to experience those things shouldn't - and needn't - be forever lost when he goes back home.
You say that your schoolwork is suffering and you're starting to disconnect from friends. This is something that really needs to be addressed now, and there are ways and means of doing that. Think about getting some student counselling and maybe visiting your doctor for some advice. Learning to feel better again is something you'll need to put a concerted effort into - and that really does mean following all the usual advice
about watching funny films, listening to upbeat music, hanging out with fun friends and generally trying to restrict the morose introspective periods as much as possible. You might feel like can't throw yourself into those activities right now, but if you continually give in to the understandable urge to sit alone and brood then recovery is going to take an awful lot longer and gloomy thoughts will become a harder and harder habit to break.
Finally, you and your guy need to sit down and discuss what the rules for future contact are going to be. Agreement to email eachother day will seem like a big comfort, but it could prolong the agony - though I can appreciate that it's an overwhelming temptation. It might be easier in the long term if you just send eachother messages on birthdays, Christmas etc. That way, you're staying in touch (in case both of you decide a few years time that this really was the biggie for both of you). Too much contact, and you'll feel as if your life is going on in some parallel universe. Good luck and a big hug. It's not easy. x
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
