I AM 18 FINISHINING UP SCHOOL I AM 6 MONTHS PREGNANT I HAVE BEEN WITH MY LOVE FOR 3 YEARS THE PROBLEMS KEEP PILING UP HE DRINKS,SMOKES WEED, AND HANGS OUT WITH HIS FRIENDS HE SELL COKE TO SO HE HASNT HAD A JOB FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND KEEPS GETTING IN TROUBLE HES ON PROBATION AND HE HAS A TEMPER WHEN HE GETS MAD WITH HIS PARENTS OR ME HE CALLS US NAMES LIKE BITC. OR TELLS US TO FU.. OFF HE SAYS HES LIKE THAT BECAUSE HE USED TO GET BEAT BY HIS PARENTS BUT WHEN I ASK THEM THEY SAY ITS NOT TRUE I LOVE HIM ALOT BUT I AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME TO BUT IM NOT HAPPY WITH HIM ANYMORE THE ONLY WAY I WILL BE HAPPY WITH AGAIN IS IF HE STOPS EVERYTHING HES DOING WE LIVE TOGETHER BUT I TOLD HIM IF HE DOESNT STOP I WILL LEAVE I SAY THAT IM REALLY NOT SURE WHAT TO DO. I WIIL TAKE ANY SUGGESTIONS AOYONE HAS ITS HARD FOR ME TO TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT ALL THIS STUFF CAUSE I DONT WANT TO GET HIM IN TROUBLE BY TELLING EVERYONE WHAT HE DOES HE WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON ME AND HE IS A REALLY GOOD SWEAT GUY WHEN HES NOT DOING ALL THIS OTHER STUFF I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO TRY AND KEEP US TOGETHER BUT I WANT TO BE HAPPY PLEASE HELP

[agnf666]

Well... I know that you love this guy... Do you really want to put your child through this. You need to step up now and tell him that you love him too much to watch him waste his life like this. You are going to have to support him if he decides to give it up. If not then, You need to tell him things need to change or you are out. You are pregnant and you should not have to be worrying what the hell he is up to. Getting him introuble is not going to work because he has already been there and done that. I think that if you show him you dislike what he is doing then maybe he will get the idea. Good Luck... Hope things work out for you.

[NiCoLe20]

wow that sounds EXACTLY like my X.... thats crazy

i left him... he hit rock bottom though.. he lost his house, car, everything and had to move back home. he has to hit rock bottom before he realizes that he has to stop. talk to him and tell him what you want in ur future. tell him you dont want your baby to have a father that does this type of sh-t. tell him his partying days are over now that he's expecting a kid... it might be hard forhim to quit cold turkey so help him slowly stop. spend more time with him so you know where he is and what he's doing... you cant make him stop, he only can... it sucks.. i ve been thru it so i know what your feeling. i couldnt take it anymore with him so i left

[ROBBIN]

THANK YOU GUYS FOR ALL THE ADVICE YESTERDAY WAS A REALLY CRAZY DAY HE FINALLY GOT A REALLY GOOD JOB BUT I STILL DIDNT GIVE IN TO TALKING TO HIM I WANT TO SEE A BIG CHANGE FIRST BUT THAT MADE HIM PISSED HE GOT IN MY FACE HE THREW THE TV ON THE FLOOR AND I HIT HIM IN THE FACE BECAUSE HE WOULDNT GET OUT OF MY FACE SO THEN HE HEAD BUTTED ME IN THE FACE SO THEN I DECIDED THAT THAT WAS IT I GOT MY STUFF TOGETHER AND I CALLED MY MOM TO COME AND PICK ME UP AND AS I WAS WAITING HE BROKE DOWN AND HE STARTED CRYING AND HE SAID HE IS GOING TO CHANGE THAT HE NEEDS ME AND HE UNDERSTANDS WHY I HAVENT BEEN TALKING TO HIM HE SAYS HE WAS LIKE THAT BECAUSE HE FELT REALLY ****TY FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND A JOB SO I FIGURE I LOVE HIM ALOT AND I WANT HIM TO BE AROUND FOR HIS BABY SO I DECIDED TO GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE TO SEE IF HE CHANGES SO KNOW WERE TALKING AND IM GOING TO TRY AND CONVINCE HIM TO GO TO CHURCH WITH ME WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK WHAT WOULD YOU GUYS DO

[agnf666]

Church may help... but I think you guys have worse problems. He sounds abusive. Is that really someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Some one that you argue with and have a physical fight. I would have left that night just to make him see that he needs to stup doing that stuff. So, you can try to get him to go to church. Church may mellow him out alittle but it may not change him.

[blind_otter]

If I were you? I would get away from this guy as fast as possible. I've been in your situation, although I had a miscarriage. In a way I'm glad I did. It helped me get away from that scumbag. He's in jail now. In any case, people who drink a lot, do drugs, are physically and mentally abusive -- it takes a lot and a long time for them to change. So. It's up to you. You are young, get away while you can.

[shamen]

Hi Robbin

I too would walk away. I spent 4 years with an alcoholic drug addict... time wasted. He was in rehab for a month and went right back to it after a month clean.

Unless he gets himself in rehab and starts getting his sh** together, then you need to get out of there. He sounds abusive. Throwing the TV? But then you shouldn't be hitting him either. The two of you maybe need counseling?

This scene sounds really maddening. But you can walk away. You, and the baby, will be better off.

Try Al-Anon (the version of Alcoholics Anonymous for their friends/family) if you can do the religious thing, which it sounds like you can. Do a search on it and you'll find tons of good stuff from them and some ideas on how to deal.

[angelj]

i know a few people that werein your position...

honestly i think once a relationship gets that sour that its past the point of fixing. i know it sounds horrible and pessimistic but think...(even though you dont want to and you probably wont...) do you REALLY want to wait around till he fixes himself? maybe yes one day he will but one day could be YEARS away!! so you have to deal with his days of being *good* then go back to months of bad until he throws something else and breaks down and cries again? and hes HITTING you? look, a good friend of mine (who is 4 years younger than i) is living with her boyfriend. shes 19 hes 31. he hasnt changed in the 3 years they have been together. the man drinks, smokes, eats pills...whatever. hes THIRTY ONE!! he STILL hasnt changed. hes been to jail, hes hit her before and always apologized, says shes the girl he wants to marry but come ON! she still goes back to him and every other day they fight again.

i know this is hard, i have not been in your position but ive watched many a few go thru it. i honestly do not think he will change for you. i think he needs LOTS of his own time to change. robbin love, think about if you finally find a nice guy? how nice would it be to be in a normal, healthy, NON drug-dependent relationship? once you have that you will be like what was i thinking!! i know its hard and it will be the hardest thing to do. but i think its the safest. (for both u and the lil one)

besides...he headbutted you this time... what if next time he hurts the baby...? you are 18 - your views change A LOT as you get older. TRUST ME.

just food for thought...

you are smart and you know what to do or else you wouldnt have written...good luck girl keep us posted!!

ps - i dont disagree with you - im sure he is a nice guy and im sure he really has potential etc. but maybe he isnt the right guy for you. just because he COULD change, why should you have to wait for that? why not have someone who is changed and has better morals/values? maybe one day he will change, but maybe by then it will be so he can bewith someone else. you have to remember just how many other fabulous men ther are out there. (even though i still have a hard time remembering that... )