How can i help my ex get through this with her parents

whatodo · 11th April 2005, 3:26 AM

ok here is the deal:

My ex and i broke up about 5 months ago or so. We still stayed in touch even hung out once in a while. She doesn't want relationship because she not ready(that is not what is important its just background info). Ok well lately as i have been talking to her things have gotten bad with her. Her parents are really messed up to her; as in her dad is an alcoholic pretty much but he never does anything to her or her mom but he is an ******* a lot of the time to her and i think it because she broke up with me and some stupid things like that she has done. Her mom makes her do stupid things around the house constantly and she is always bitchin and yelling at her. Now lately she has started to smoke A LOT. she says when she takes a deep breath it doesn't feel good. She is crying most the time i talk to her i can tell she is really messed up. What should i do? I can't just sit here and watch all this happen to her...How can i help? Is there anything i should do? Should i stop talking with her(i think that would make it worse). How can i help there has got to be something i can do? She didn't graduate high school because of similar problems like this with her parents. Well now she wants to get her ged so she can go to college. But she just told me that she wants to get a job and move out because she thinks that is only thing that will help her. But i know that is 100 times worse. She wont be able to get ged or go to college. She will just have to work like crazy her whole life. Best thing i think is for her to endure it a little while longer and just get her $hit straight. she needs to go to get her ged and start college and then think about moving out. But when i told her she kind of got upset and said i dont understand. I know its hard but that is what she needs to do. Should i help her somehow? I know i need to i can't sit here and watch her go down that road it would be horrible for her. She really doesn't deserve this....overall, WHAT TO DO?

laRubiaBonita · 11th April 2005, 1:00 PM

well, YOU DID suggest that she sit tight and get her crap together, and she shot that down.

i think she wants you to either : help her move out, be it help with money, just moral support, what ever.

And i think that you are sooo right about her never getting around to getting her GED or going to school, cause she will be working at some crappy job, trying to afford her crappy apt., on a crappy salary.

whatodo · 11th April 2005, 3:12 PM

anything else i could do though?

BrotherAaron · 11th April 2005, 7:33 PM

Yeah. Give her a ride to the GED office. Schedule the GED test prep, and an actual test date. Then have her apply to some state colleges where she'll have low tuition (or community colleges, if that's what she wants). Then help her move out of her parents' house if it's making her miserable.

It may seem like she'll never get around to her GED if she moves out and gets a job, but it sounds to me like she needs to do both, not either or. Staying around that situation doesn't seem to be getting her anything done either.

flowergirl · 12th April 2005, 4:58 PM

I know the following may sound harsh to you, but it's reality, so here goes:

You and this girl broke up, right? Well, then, she ain't your problem anymore. As long as you keep feeling sorry for her, it'll only complicate your attachment to her and make it harder for you to let go of her. I know of what I speak, I went through this with one of my most recent exes. Just because they have a s***tty life doesn't mean it's up to you to fix them. I know it's difficult, but just let go and have move on with your life.