[HarryButts]

Been married 15 years..... My wife has a new friend who is also married-
This friend is having some marriage trouble (nothing major)- My wife and I have had our issues as well.
I know my wife talks to her friend about me (which is fine)- ... Girls need to talk to other girls......
Over the last week or so- I've been getting to know her friend more and more (we get along well just by nature of our personalities)-

We've exchanged emails and there is some harmless flirting which we both agree we enjoy! Neither of us has any intention of cheating. (not that much attraction there)
In any case- I am enjoying the "friendship" and I do like having another woman (who knows my wife) to talk to.
Here is my issue (Maybe I am being paranoid)- I keep thinking what is my wife has put her up to being "friendly" with me as a test?? I can't imagine why- but I just wonder if it's a trap- I have no intention of being with her physically- but I do wonder- Trying to think of a way to find this out in a way that they would not know...
Should I come out and ask friend if this is the case???

[Pocky]

No, you shouldn't come out and ask this because it'd make you look like a psycho. As long as you have suspicions regarding her motives, I would suggest you're careful with the conversations you have with her. Don't share anything incriminating and certainly don't cross the line whatsoever.

[HarryButts]

No- no intention of crossing line- Actually her advise is helping me with the wife- and vice versa......
I just get mad when I think that my wife may have put her up to this (why she would do it- I don't know??)
Guess I'm just paranoid

[LucreziaBorgia]

We've exchanged emails and there is some harmless flirting which we both agree we enjoy! Neither of us has any intention of cheating. (not that much attraction there)

You'd be surprised how many affairs start that way.

I keep thinking what is my wife has put her up to being "friendly" with me as a test??

I would wager, given the direction that its going with you and this "friend", that this 'friend' is taking advantage of the situation. She knows you and your wife are having problems, and she knows just what they are - so, she may see it as an "in". I expect she's in it for her own gain, and not just because your wife put her up to it.

It isn't unusual for a "friend" to go after their friend's H after the W has confided problems that she is having in the marriage.

As much as you are enjoying this "friendship" - its your W you need to talk to about it - and talk to her honestly, and stop this before it goes any further than it already has. If you are already thinking in terms of paranoia and jealousy (ie: testing you) - then on some level you know that your wife will not approve of this new budding "friendship/flirtation" you have going on. "Harmless flirting" does not help relationships that are in trouble - and I seriously doubt your wife would understand the need for a flirting based friendship with a potential OW as a form of marriage counseling.

You are at the point now where you can avoid a whole lot of trouble by coming clean with your wife, and talking to her about it.

[newby]

if it is all so innocent as you make out, what have you got to be paranoid about?

[whichwayisup]

Your wife's girl friend is talking to you too...That makes her be in the middle and possibly a go-between. NOT a good idea.

She's going to get 'too involved' in your lives and cause problems. Trust me, doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure that one out.

It could be a test, I would NOT ever cross the line. If she flirts with you - TELL HER NO. Keep that email and show it to your wife. If this woman is a friend TO YOUR WIFE then she should not be flirting with you in any way. What does she have to gain?? A nice ego boost, and maybe a fun fling.

Yup and definately Don't tell the friend that you are having these thoughts. Cuz if you are wrong it will backfire and you'll be accused of something as well.

Good luck.

[EnigmaXOXO]

if it is all so innocent as you make out, what have you got to be paranoid about?

Simply stated, and right on target!

Obviously, you're already worried that you may be crossing some lines here, regardless of what your current "intentions" are. It's irrelevant whether your wife may be setting you up or not. Chances are, if the ladies talk with each other, your emails (and flirting) may become evident to your wife eventually.

So how do think she would react?

Best to conduct yourself as if your wife is already watching. If you wouldn't feel comfortable doing it in front of her, than don't do it in secret behind her back. This way, you'll accumulate no regrets.

I think you'd probably feel the same if the situation were reversed.