[JadeStar]

I guess sometimes people are just naturally insecure. Some people need that constant reasurrance that things are ok. However, sometimes my husbands insecurity drives me crazy. I love him to pieces and I try to be understanding etc. I have found over the past few years that his paranoia and insecurity seem to be worse. We have been married for 10 years and I haven't really noticed him being like that much until recently. Yes I know sometimes peoples insecurity can be from guilt or something they have done, so the paranoia kicks in for them and they feel that someone else is or could be doing what they had been doing.

I guess my question is what makes some people feel so insecure? I guess its hard for me to understand because I'm not really like that. I have asked him if he knows why he feels the way he does. his response to me was, "Everyday I look at you and think to myself, why is someone like you with someone like me? I think if the right person were to come along they would take you away from me." I have told him and showed him over and over again how much I love him. I try to reassure him but it just doesn't seem to matter sometimes.

There have many times he would shift his paranoia or insecurity over to me blaming me for things, or making false accusations etc. I understand it comes from within himself and no matter how much I tell him or show him, I feel it has to come from within himself to really believe. After he told me just the other day why he feels the way he does, he has really been very loving and attentive. Not that hes not sometimes anyway, but more so. Its almost like its fake or that hes trying to hard with the things he says.

Hes constatly telling me hes been thinking about me all day at work, I'm so fine, you're the best thing in the world, I'm so inlove with you etc. Don't get me wrong I like it and its not like he hasn't said those things before, but like I said its just the way hes saying it, like hes trying to hard. Maybe trying to hard to convince me? Or maybe himself? Not sure. Anyway guess just wanted to know why some people are so insecure. Thanks in advance for listening.


Jade

[johan]

He doesn't value himself. So he can't imagine you value him. Maybe something bad happened to him recently or maybe he did something he hates himself for. Not necessarily infidelity. He needs to re-evalutate his feelings for himself, good and bad. It helped me to imagine meeting myself. I realized that I could have a lot of fun with me, and I'd be pretty forgiving of whatever problems I had. Then I felt it easier to just lighten up on myself. I found it easier to lighten up on others, too. I don't have insecurity or confidence issues like I once had.

[Owl]

Has anything happened in his past, or your past, or your past together to cause him to feel insecure? Has someone cheated on him in the past, or something along those lines? WHAT specifically is it that is making him feel insecure? Try talking with him about it, and see what you can do to help him feel better...just my suggestion.

[JadeStar]

Hi owl thanks for the reply. The only thing I know of is about 2 years ago he got on the porn big time. I called him on it, he would lie about it hide etc. Finally to my knowledge he isn't on it anymore. Thats the only thing I really know of. Maybe he felt bad for looking at it, hiding it etc. I don't know. I asked him if he has always felt insecure he says yes. I really never notice it much until over the past year or two. He says hes fat, he doesn't like himself, doesn't feel attractive etc. I have told him how I feel and showed him many times I love him the way he is etc. Guess its something he feels if he doesn't love himself then why should I. He recently started going to a gym to workout, maybe this will help him feel better about himself. Thanks again.


Jade