[augustkay]

I have been Married for 6 years but apart from my husband for four years. We have gone back and forth a million times in the past four years and I have had another relationship as well. I have discuss divorce with him and he does not want it. I am in love with another man now. We have been dating off and on through all this but I have now left him because I keep getting confused. I don't know what to do. I am not in-love with my husband but we do have a 11 year history and a 8 year old child. I cant seem to make a decision and I don't know why.

[Skeered]

In my opinon you are worried about makin the commitment to divorce your husband he's comfortable to you you know he's there...but you aren't being fair to him or to your child or you for that matter. If you are in love with someone else then you are done with your marriage. You can't have the best of both worlds and look at that and think it's ok...you are framing your childs life also and even though I'm sure the child doesn't know about this other man in your life but they feel and see so much you would be shocked and how is this teaching a child self respect or confidence in their parents. Whether or not your husband doesn't want a divorce is a moot point...in my opinion you need to make a choice for the best of the child and then for the two of you. No more middle of the road..

Sorry to be harsh but this is my opinion as I said take it or leave it.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

If you are in love with someone else then you are done with your marriage.

Well put.

This has been going on for four years. Get a divorce if you are not in love with your husband, and you are in love with this other man. Staying in a loveless marriage "for the sake of your child" or because of a lot of "shared history" is one of the most hurtful things you can do to the child, and to yourself, and your husband, and to this other man who you profess to love. Kids are very smart, and pick up on those sorts of things. Neither you or your husband are going to be happy together if you feel this way, and your son will see that. At least if you get a divorce, your son can start to adjust to the new reality, and things can start to become normal again in a different way. I am not a big fan of divorce, but four years of turmoil and you being unhappy enough with your husband to pursue other relationships is long enough. Put an end to it, so that everyone can move on, your son doesn't have to see the constant tension, and so that you and the new man can be happy together.

[ready2moveon26]

I agree with the other two...stop dragging it out and get it done and over with...I thought my life was screwed up...we've been separated for a year and haven't done anything about it...yet...we are though...we've talked about it and are doing something as soon as our bankruptsy is taken care of...your child will adjust...I promise...

[sami]

That's very true. Don't mess up your entire life for the fear that your child will not.