MIL moved in today... freaking out

locogurl · 31st March 2005, 8:45 PM

Has anyone here survived having their MIL live with them?

We have had a very rocky marriage the last few years. We were just starting to pick up the pieces from several affairs he had and suddenly MIL needs a place to live. We were the only ones who have a room and she is too broke for her own appartment. I have finally gotten 6 kids raised and on their own, and now I have MIL?!?

He has been away for 9 days settling her affairs and driving her here and when he got in town he brought her along with him to say hello to me at work. I was so dissappointed that he brought her with. I brushed him off and was too busy to talk to him. I know he isn't planning a second alone with me when I get home. And now I don't want to go home.

I just want to grab a few personal things and leave town. I am so tired of being hurt and this looks like another train wreck to me...

Freaking Out Bad

RecordProducer · 31st March 2005, 9:51 PM

What's MIL stand for?

Perhaps it's time for you to decide whether you're better off with or without him now that the kids have grown up. Think of the financial aspect as well. Sometimes it's better to be financially less comfortable but emotionally and psychically in peace with yourself.

Can't you get the MIL (whatever it means) out of your house? It's your house too after all. Get the children on your side.

RecordProducer · 31st March 2005, 9:53 PM

Ohhhhhhh, I am so stupid, it's mother-in-law. Wow! Well maybe you'll get along just fine, who knows? Don't forget, you're the queen in your kingdom!

HokeyReligions · 31st March 2005, 9:53 PM

My husband and I had some problems when my mom moved in, and we lost two children shortly after mom moved in which put a horrible strain on our marriage---that was six years ago. He didn't plan on her living with us, but we talked and set some ground rules and things work out OK. We have some bumps and hiccups, but its not too bad here. It is very difficult for me to not be caught in the middle. My husband has to come first and there have been times where he felt he didn't. My mom understands that now and has been able to adjust her own lifestyle too. I think its harder on older people because they are more set in their ways and losing their home can be more difficult than we realize. Younger people have more time, more future, to bounce back.

I applaud him for wanting to help his mother and take care of her. I understand that you should not have to endure more and more hurt, but maybe if you try to approach this in a positive light it will work out.

Talk to your husband alone. Set some ground rules for each other, and then talk with his mother and make a plan. If you are all open in your communications and know what to expect from yourselves, then you can work it out. Be honest w/ your MIL too and let her know that there have been problems in the marriage and that the two of you are trying to work things out. You don't have to give details, but let her know that you and your husband will need some quality alone time too and that you understand that she loves her son and may want to help him, but that you both need to work on your marriage together.

It can work.

1st April 2005, 2:47 PM

I could never do it!!! Never..

Hey, your making a life with your husband, there was nothing in the vows that said once you marry this guy the MIL is inherited. Is she going to live there the rest of her life?? I would think - probably .. her foot is in the door, she'll get comfy and you will drive yourself nuts!

I think you relationship has had enough strain. How much more can it take before it really crumbles?
You have 6 out of the house kids?? I would pack up and leave if that is the case, afterall, sounds like the hubby is a bit untrusting/disrespectful??

Sorry your going through this, it stinks!

locogurl · 2nd April 2005, 3:04 PM

Thanks everyone for the responses and support. I can't talk to anyone else about this... they think I'm mean. Poor Grandma! I don't have a great reply, too tired.

The last two days have shown me what I am going to be putting up with and I am very depressed. I can only hope that DH's picking on her religion will send her packing. I am so surprised he is being so mean to her. I think she would do better at her sisters... who has an apartment for her. DH must be working out some childhood issue by insisting she live with us.

I'm thinking I should rent her an appartment near by and just put her there or move in myself.