[font=arial][/font][color=violet][/color]Im in a LDR and i freak when my boyfriend goes out to bars everynight i know he loves me but i stress should i feel this way even though he tells me i have nothing to worry about, i dont know what to do? Also a major thingy that bugs me is whne he goes to strip clubs without me ...i feel as though its like cheating why should he look at naked women when i dont look at naked men!!! It get me so mad, and hurt! am i wrong to feel this way??
don't kid yourself into thinking a LDR is a real relationship. it is not. your boyfriend is getting the best of both worlds cause you are dumb enuf to be involved with him long-distance.
Vvee, I don't know what to tell you as you didn't write enough info about you and him. A guy who goes out every night, especially to strip clubs is probably not serious as a person.
However, I can tell you one thing: don't listen to Alphamale cuz he knows nuthin..but we love 'im!
moi, you mean not everyone admits it ! (me = addicted reader of Alpha's posts)
I used to talk about that with my ex on his attempt of getting me back. HE would confess that it would seem pretty useless to hang out in bars with his single friends when he had a girl waiting for him back home. I hope he'll live by it with his next gf!
As far as LDR are concerned, I'm too selfish to go for one. The good part is that he's telling you what he does. The bad part is that he is indeed going out and living like a single man. You see if the bad equilibrates the good.
I feel your pain. I have been married for just one year and because of work commitments, I had to recently move from NY to Florida. I have been in Florida for only two weeks.
My recent husband will not be able to be transfered from his company in NY to the site based in Flordia for another 7 months and I am freaking out.
I know he loves me very much and I know he is faithful. I trust him, but his job has much to do with fundraising dinners and events with many women, who I don't trust.
For the next seven months, I will not be able to sleep so tight and even though I am going to spend lots of money on trips, I am going to visit him as often as possible and I am going to have him visit me too as often as possible.
I think I am going to spend my entire savings on tickets for us to meet on the weekends for the next few months.
I think you should listen to your instincts. You feel like something is wrong and I agree that going to strip clubs all the time indicates many things. 1.) he is immature 2.) he is not that serious about your relationship.
I am in a 2.5-hour LDR now, I know my bf goes out to bars a few times a week, but he doesn't go to strip clubs. Him going to bars doesn't bother me because I trust him. I've known him for 6 years (only dating 1). I know he's not the type to talk to girls in bars so that helps me. Plus, I feel totally secure, so I have no reasons to doubt.
SOunds like you have reasons to doubt, so trust your gut. It isn't right.
But don't expect him to change, I think you'll have to find someone new.
[img]http://[/img] I just wanna say first thanks CurlyIam you cleared things up for me buy opening my eyes i need to look at the bad as well as the good and see which one wins at the end of the day!
My Question now is ..just asking One thing botheres me about my boyfriend who lives 5 to 6 hours away from me is that he smokes weed like ok ive done that whole thing when i was 15 and stuff im 19 now and like REALLY over all that, but hes just starting his trip all his friends are into it too, the thing is that before i knew him i was strong i had all these values i would laugh at my friends who had boyfriend who did drugs and sorta pitty them because i had always told my self that the guy i end up being serious with will not do that **** i wanna be clean i thing weed makes a person lazy and dumb at his age he should be smarter than that...i just cant believe now that i put up with a guy who does this against what i believe in just cuz i love him, like why should i compromise my values..i have talked to him about this many times but he says he needs to stop on his own when he is ready, he needs to do it for himself and nobody else...but you see i dont understand that cuz if some guy told me to stop doing drugs cuz he didnt want to see me ruin my llife cuz he loved me and he encourages me i WOULD STOP for him..i would do anything for the guy i loved...so why cant my b/f do the same for me...i dont understand does he not love me enough, why arent i enough to help him through his addiction even if he dosent want to quit if he loves me and if if what i want and believe in why cant he.......??????
HOW many of PEOPLE would actually stop doing drugs for a b/f g/f if they asked you too cuz they loved and it bothered them and if u obviously love the person back HUH who would STOP???
but you see i dont understand that cuz if some guy told me to stop doing drugs cuz he didnt want to see me ruin my llife cuz he loved me and he encourages me i WOULD STOP for him.
Then you weren't an addict.
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i would do anything for the guy i loved...so why cant my b/f do the same for me...
Being in a state of love is not about controlling another person using love as leverage.
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i dont understand does he not love me enough, why arent i enough to help him through his addiction even if he dosent want to quit if he loves me and if if what i want and believe in why cant he.......??????
Because you make choices for yourself, always. There's no such thing as healthily loving someone so much that you no longer control your own life--that's when it becomes unhealthy. The fact that you think love is a force that makes people do what you want them to do demonstrates a lack of maturity on your part.
If you want to grow up and start loving like an adult, rid yourself of the notion that people should do what you ask of them by virtue of love. That's not love, that's manipulation.
To further compound this, drug usage often transcends volition, and the last thing he needs is somebody calling his love/devotion into question. If you think you're going to be able to reform an addict who has no desire to quit, you're quite wrong.
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My signature was flagged for being too long, and I don't have anything shorter to say.
dont understand does he not love me enough, why arent i enough to help him through his addiction even if he dosent want to quit if he loves me and if if what i want and believe in why cant he.......??????
Everything in other's lives is not about you. Addiction is compulsion, and compulsion is stronger than love. Sometimes, and only sometimes, love can give a person strength to try to fight the compulsion, but even the greatest love is not enough in many cases.
i had always told my self that the guy i end up being serious with will not do that
I think you'll have to find a new man then.
-It's already long distance.
-you don't like that he uses drugs.
-he goes to bars and strip clubs while you're gone.
Where do you see this relationship going? What will it be like in 2 years. I'm pretty sure it will be exactly the same. So you can make a choice now (dump him) and improve your life.
If he really loves you I think he will quit drugs for you. I dont think you should give him an ultimatum though. You said yourself you dont want a guy who does drugs. Your like me in that respect, I dont either and I will never settle with a guy who does drugs (nor one who smokes cigarettes or drinks what I consider to be too mch alcohol)I think you should break up with your boyfriend and tell him your reason for this is, he smokes drugs (and because he goes to strip clubs too, some irls are not happy with there guy going to strip clubs and you are clearly one of them) If he really wants to be with you he will quit drugs and strip clubs so he can be with you. If he doesnt really love you and really want to be with you then he wont.
Sweetie don't stress over him b'cos he's having fun. LDR is hard but of course it's not real.you're not there with him so even if he did something he's not gonna tell u.Trust me on this one.
Your situation is similar to mine.I was with my fiance for 3 yrs cos he's in the army so we always had a LDR till recently i found out he cheated on me and we were suppose to get married in sept and he's with the girl now.
don't stress it.Let it go if u can I know it hurts but ur gonna be hurt more if u find out he's doing something he's not suppose to be doing. I hope everything works out for u
Sorry to hear you broke up with your fiance but you cant say all guys cant be trusted. He may tell her if he did something wrong or he may not do anything wrong in the first place. As for long distance relationships not being real, what did you mean? Sorry again tho that things didnt work out for you, hope ur ok
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My long-distance boy goes to bars every night
another Question!!
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