[lilmoma1973]

Hey all
I have a question to ask.. why is it that h lets ss get by with anything and daughter is bashed for anything she does.. ss is 14 and daughter is 5 .. ss has no responsibilities and wants no authority..i think daughter sees that he gets by with things and feel why should she have to listen if he don't!! my question is if you caught your 14 on porn and was suppose to be grounded and not go no where and still get to do things and go to his moms .. is that fair that he got by with it...Grandma was suppose to delete his name off her account and h told her to and yet she is to do it!! i told my h how i felt about ss getting by with things and going places when he suppose to be grounded and he tells me he goes to church.. i think the only reason he started going is because he got busted for the porn and it is a way out of being grounded and can be gone all the time.. im not knocking church but this church goes alot of places and he knows this and has alot of teens..my ss has to be around alot of people in order to have a good time.. he can't stand to be around his little sister acts if she is a diease and is always hurting her and says he didn't do anything !! yet she has marks that tells me different and is crying like she is badly hurt.. still he gets no punishment .. dad will say he is grounded and he gets to do whatever!!!his mom is a bad influence does drugs and drinks and she does everything for him .. he is lazy and wants no responsibilty at all and all he can think about is when he gets his permit.. i also found out a girl goes there at the church he likes.. so i feel this is a way to get out of doing real responsibilty.. again if it is teaching him something but i have seen no change in him since hes been going.. don't think he is learning anything that he should i think its all for the friends and being able to go when grounded.. any input would be greatly appreaciated.. this uncontrollable child is putting a wedge in my marrriage and so fed up and stressed need ss some imput!! ss lives with us all the time goes to his moms on some weekends!! i don't do for ss like i use to cause i get no respect and h doesn't want me telling him what to do .. but yet i have to be at his beck and call when needed.. my h also tells me how to discipline my daughter .. he has told me on numerous occasion i hate my daughter too.. he can tell me i can't tell ss what to do but i don't feel he has the right about my daughter.. so ready to call it quits.. i love my h but ive had enough lately that im tired and drained.. sorry so long

[kellybelle]

I have a similar situation, 2 ss that get little to no effective parenting, yet are spoiled to death and act like screaming toddlers sometimes (they are teenagers). I, too used to pull my hair out because of the way they were being brought up, but the only person that affected was myself. No changes have been made, they make horrible grades, get into trouble, etc., etc.

I pretty much disconnected myself from the whole stepkid situation and that worked pretty well for me. If my h wants to raise future inmates, guess what, not my kids, don't care.

Is your daughter old enough to learn self defense when the ss hits her? Your responsibility is to your daughter, not h's kid. Take this opportunity to teach her how to deal with difficult people, it's a good life skill to learn.

Maybe if you step aside and let your h handle your ss, hopefully 2 things will happen:
1. he'll step up to the responsibility since no one will do it for him
2. you will be a calmer, more happy person that can have more influence on a man than a bitter, resentful person.

Read the book: 'A woman's guide to changing her man, without his even knowing it' by Michele Weiner-Davis. Great book.

Good luck!

[lilmoma1973]

Hey Kellybelle,
Thanks for the reply .. i have disconnected with ss .. i will not do nothing for noone that has no respect for me and my h is pissed because i won't do anything for him no more.. that is where the argument starts.. i let him deal with it ..