I don't usually post on forums, but i really think I need some help. I am going through the absolute worst time in my life right now. I am 19 and a freshman in college and I was with someone who i thought was my soulmate. The only problem is he is 2 years younger (junior in high school) and 3 hours away from me. He is just the kind of guy I had always imagined myself with. He was sweet and caring and when we were together it was the happiest time of my life. I was completely head over heels in love with him. Our 2 year anniversary was Valentine's day and my birthday was 2 weeks after that. On March 5th he left me an email stating that he 'just couldnt do this anymore' and that we 'just had to move on with our lives.' Since then he won't even talk to me. I'm a very shy person and I haven't been able to really make a lot of friends yet, so I really have no one to talk to about it. I desperately need closure, I need something, I can't just let it end this way and never see him again. I have lived and breathed this man for 2 years of my life, and all of a sudden he wants to stop all contact all together. I am completely heart broken. I imagine him laughing and smiling with friends while I'm sitting in a dorm room crying my eyes out. He's been nasty and hurtful, and as angry as I am at him for turning my whole world upside down, I just can't let him go. Everything reminds me of him. Every song, every commercial, every movie..I feel like I'm at the brink of a nervous break down. And he doesn't even care. After 2 years he just wants nothing to do with me. I feel like I can never trust anyone again, and I will do anything to avoid this pain. I've lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't concentrate..my grades have gone to ****..and I'm afraid I'm heading down a dangerous road. He helped me through everything for 2 years, and now that hes gone, I don't even know how to take care of myself. I feel betrayed, guilty, hurt, scared, lonely, worthless and angry all at once. I don't know how to deal with the emotion I am feeling, I just want to be with him. More than anything in the world. I lie awake every night and think about him. I wonder what he's doing, what he's thinking, if he's thinking of me. If anyone has any advice...I would really appreciate it.
I am sorry you are going through this. I feel your pain of being in a new area and not having anyone to confide in. I also do not have many new friends. I moved away from home a year ago. My boyfriend and I were only together two months and he cheated on me and I'm the first girl he cheated on so I feel worthless right now. All I can say to help make you feel better is your ex is probably being cold to you because he hurts as much as you do right now. Guys from my experience handle things like this differently sometimes. You have to just not contact him and concentrate on you for awhile.
When you both start to feel better I'm sure you will get the closure you need. Hang in there and if you need to talk to can PM me.
If anyone has any advice...I would really appreciate it.
Call counseling services at your school and set up an appointment to talk to someone.
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He helped me through everything for 2 years, and now that hes gone, I don't even know how to take care of myself.
This is the crux of your problem, and what you will need the most help with. You will need to learn how to take care of yourself, and learn what it means to be happy on your own before you can bring a meaningful balance to a relationship. I expect as much as your boyfriend cared for you, he just got tired of having to be the one responsible for your happiness. Holding another person responsible for the happiness and security that you should be finding in yourself is never going to work. Hopefully with time, patience and a little help you'll begin to be able to find your own happiness and in turn be able to take that with you into healthier, more balanced relationships.
You are spiraling down, and perpetuating your problems - pick up the phone and start making steps toward regaining what you lost: not him - your self.
__________________ ...they think everything is smiles and sweetness and flowers, when there is something bitter to taste. And to pretend there isn't is foolish. -- edie sedgwick
Hi, i've been where you are (nearly messed up my final year of my degree over this sort of stuff), but recently i've managed to dig myself out of this hole and im really managing to get on with my life. The thing that helped me the most was seeing a councellor, and having read your post jamie i really think it would help you to. They can help you address the shyness which will help with the getting to know people. The other thing i would say is do talk to people you know about it, it'll be hard to begin with, but each person you tell makes it easier. Even if they're only passing acquantainces, i've been really surprised by how supportive people have been. I didnt think i'd made any friends at uni, now i realise that i have, but that i just didnt realise it before. As LS shows people will have been through the same things that you've gone through, and most people who have been where you are will be happy to offer you the support that you need right now, just look at all the people offering to talk to you via pm. I know its hard but getting out and realising that there's life beyond our ex's is so important at this point. You might go out, have a great time and then feel really low the next day, but at least you had a good time while you're out. And over time the low periods will get shorter and less frequent, until one day they just stop completely. The final thing piece of advice that i'd offer is to try and see the break up in terms of the positives (i know its hard). You realise now that you were dependant upon him, see the break up as a way of realising this and as the first step to becoming someone who is independant. Being that dependant upon someone isnt healthy, i know because i was just like that. Try to see the break up as enabling you to grow into a stronger person.
Good luck,
And like most people have already said, if you want to talk to me feel free to pm me.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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