I stumbled upon an article today in an outdated copy of Readers Digest. It literally stopped me in my tracks....It was about a disorder called BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER.
The disorder stems from insecurities and obsessions over ones looks. It is both common in men and women, it starts as early as childhood and can continue into adulthood.
I have struggled with an insecurity since I was very little. I have many dimples on my cheeks, and one on my nose. I have a total of 7 dimples on my face. Yes...I said 7. There are 3 on one cheek, one on the opposite cheek, 2 tiny ones in the "smile" crevices in my skin, and one "permanent" one on my nose.
I never thought I was ever UGLY, but I sometimes as a teen compared my looks to another "pretty" girl, and often wondered WHY I had to have the nose or the overabundance of "dimples" that I was born with. I used to get teased alot in elementary school. I would get called "bum nose" or "did you get into an accident? What happened to your nose/cheek?" I was popular in highschool to SOME EXTENT, but not as popular as I would've liked to be. I believe it was because of my looks.
I remember as a child coming home crying often when I used to get teased. I would always look into the mirror just to look at myself and try to convince myself that I wasn't "ugly". To this day, I tend to still look in the mirror more than your average person, and I over-obsess about my hair (which I tend to do a DAMN good job with), and makeup to take the attention away from my unique facial features. I never really ever CAKED my makeup on. Trutfully, I only started wearing light coverup only this year. Not to hide my features, but to even out my skin tone - which I am not even obsessed about.
Had my parents not invested their money in me and gave me braces, I would not have the straight-toothed smile I have today. I have been told often I have a great smile, however I think to myself, "if I didn't have straight teeth, I'd be one ugly girl!" - but instead, I thank the person for the compliment, and I never look back at the past before I had my braces.
I get picked up by guys. I've dated many, broke up with many. Dated nice guys and dated *******s. I am with someone now, whom I believe is the ONE. He even once told me, "I love every single thing about you - and yes, even that dimple in your nose" - Funny, I never ever EVER once told him that bothered me. That made me feel great.
Yet - I still secretly obsess in the mirror about it. It even gets to the point where I take another mirror , angle it towards the BIG mirror, look at the one I am holding in my hand, and stare at the reflection. It shows what I look like TO OTHER PEOPLE, and I find that I feel prettier when I look at my reflection then what I think about when other people look directly at me!! ITs SO HARD TO EXPLAIN!!!
NOTE:Plastic surgery is not an option.
But I struggle from day to day to have a bit more confidence in myself. I know I feel much better about myself now, than I did when I was a child...but I wonder...
AM I ALONE IN FEELING LIKE THIS?
For more info on Body Dysmorphic Disorder here is the link:
http://www.ncpamd.com/body_dysmorphic_disorder.htm
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