[thatsme123]

My boyfriend broke up with me on February 18th. We had been together for 16 months...we were each other's first real relationship, our first loves (we're both 18, I'll be 19 very soon). I think many things led to our final breakup (he had tried breaking up with me once or twice before, but the very next day we would get together again)...overall, I was very needy, very much co-dependent. He had become my best friend (actually, my only friend). He's still in high school, and I'm a freshman in college (I live on campus, and it's only about 20 minutes from him). Essentially, I wanted more time from him that he felt he could give me. He felt "suffocated" by me. We're both depressed and confused about life...neither of us are very happy. Anyway, he broke up with me on a Friday, and being stupid, we thought we could immediately be just friends, because we both really loved being together and we were so compatible. Well, we tried to hang out on Sunday, and we ended up having sex. Anyways, things got confusing, messy, etc...and in the end, we decided on no contact.

Things have been pretty up and down for me...mostly down. I'm in a very sad spot in my life...I feel very empty and sad without him. I don't have many friends...I find it hard to meet people, I feel almost socially inept. I don't have any hobbies or activities I enjoy. But somehow, I have managed to fool him. On Saturday (the 12th), a friend from high school and I went back to our high school to see the annual musical. At the musical, I saw my ex-boyfriend's friend there, and we chatted for maybe 2 minutes. You see, when I'm in public, I can put on a good face. I become this happy looking, extroverted person. So I must have fooled him. And so yesterday, after 3 weeks of being broken up and 2 weeks of no contact, I received an e-mail from my ex-boyfriend. And here it is what it said (names have been changed, obviously):

"I have a rough idea of the terms we are on right now, but I needed to ask you something. Mike told me that you talked to him at the musical on Saturday. He said that you said you were happy at school. He also said that he had never seen you happier. I wanted to know if this was so. You can choose to respond to this or not and I'll understand if you don't. It's just that im really curious as to how you're making out. Sorry if this message is inappropriate or it upsets you, thats not my intention."


So...what should I do? Should I e-mail him back? Should I just not respond and continue no contact? I'm so conflicted. I want him to want me back...I want him so bad...but I have no idea what his angle is here. I don't know what his intentions are...why does he want to know how I am if he was the one who didn't want to talk to me? He was the one who didn't want to be a part of my life anymore, didn't want to care about me...so what the hell is his point?

Any advice/analytical stuff would be very helpful. Thank you!

[LucreziaBorgia]

I would just assume at this point that he's curious. It could be that he is concerned for you, and wants to know how you are doing in general. It is very possible that he likes you as a person, but just couldn't handle being in a relationship with you - and wants to know that you are doing ok.

If you want - email him back - something chatty and light, no mention of your relationship, and let him know you are doing ok.

I hope that you will consider going to your counseling services there at your school, and setting up an appointment to talk with someone. It sounds like you could use a boost, and maybe getting yourself onto a better emotional path will help you be a stronger person - and you never know: it could lead to a healthier relationship with your ex, as well.

[NiCoLe20]

wait a couple days then email him if ya want

[thatsme123]

Thanks for the responses.

I'm currently in therapy...I've been on and off anti-depressants...they never seem to work, they just make me worse. I'm going to try and take up new things, which is very out of my comfortable zone. I'm going to volunteer at an animal shelter, and take up maybe kickboxing and pilates at my school's gym. I already regularly work out...this would just be an addition to it.

I just miss him so, so, so, so, so much.

[acidrein_08]

DO NOT EMAIL HIM BACK! HE IS AT THE POINT WHERE HE IS CONFUSED AND DOUBTING THE THINGS HE HAS DONE AND HE WANTS TO THROW OUT A LURE AND SEE IF HE CAN PULL YOU BACK. THIS IS NOT A SITUATION YOU WANT TO PUT YOURSELF IN BECUASE ONCE HE BAITS YOU IN HE WILL ALWAYS THINK YOU WILL BE THERE AND YOU WOULD BE SENDING HIM THE WRONG MESSAGE. BE STRONG, THERE ARE MANY OTHER THINGS OUT THERE AND THERE IS A PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE AND IT WILL BE A HAPPY AND FULFILLING ONE. I AM JUST TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT IT WOULD BE A MISTAKE TO EMAIL HIM BACK AT THIS POINT, LET HIM MISS YOU, WONDER ABOUT YOU, LET HIM BE THE ONE TO INITIATE CONTACT BECUASE THAT EMAIL JUST WASN'T ENOUGH. HANG IN THERE, YOUR GOING TO BE FINE, GOD BLESS.

[justagurl]

i agree with acidrein, my ex broke up with me abut 2 months ago and started seeing other girls, he also, told me that these girls who wanted to go out with him were ditzy and that he wasnt really into them BUT, his actions didnt prove that he really felt that way.
it really hurt me when we first broke up, after being used to always having him around i felt really empty and continued calling him and trying to figure out a way to at least be friends or something so i could feel better about the relationship ending, he acted at first like he wanted to be friends also and maybe get back toghether later on but when i would call him and the girl that he was talking to was around he would act like a jerk to me. the last time that i called him he told me to leave him alone and go on with my life.
so i did, and it still hurt and i still missed him, but i didnt call him again, THEN he calls me, about 2 weeks ago, i wasnt home when he called so i returned his call a couple of days later, he said that he had called to see if i wanted to go with him to take his kids to the park that weekend because i really cared about his kids and they cared about me, i told him to just call me that weekend when he got ready to go, well the weekend came and went and i still havent heard from him, i honestly believe that his calling was only to just see if i would still be there when he got ready for me to be.
of course im sure that your ex isnt as big of a jerk as mine is and probably wouldnt be low down enough to use his kids in his little games but still, i think he is probably pretty much up to the same thing that mine was.
if you do e mail him back i would take Lucrezia's advice and make it short.