[mymojo]

After reading all the porn threads here that basically boil down to the same pieces of advice given over and over.


All the advice given seems to blame women for not only their hurt reactions to porn but also seems to put the total onus on women to stay trim and tight as a 20 yr old no matter their ages, to always be the ones to first suggest new positions, to be the one to bring in toys etc.

What exactly is a man's sexual responsibility in a relationship aside from opening his fly ? It doesn't appear to me based on many of the responses I've read here that men are expected to do/understand much of anything for their wives in terms of sexual needs.

[westernxer]

Are you married too?

[uberfrau]

I agree with you mojo.

If anything, the advisors assume that men are at the mercy of their sex drive, and like any barnyard animal, have no control over their impulses, or in the alternative, make some weak appeal to 'nature' to justify their conclusions. And women somehow have to accomodate that, and accept. I say BULL****.

If men are indeed such pigs, then they should be treated as such. meaning, don't worry about what he thinks, or how he feels, because if he indeed is a beast, then he neither thinks nor feels.

IF more women took the above approach and treated men like the animals men claim to be, our world would improve for the better.

When i dated males, i started with assumption that he was a pig, until he proved to me to be otherwise.

[moimeme]

When i dated males, i started with assumption that he was a pig, until he proved to me to be otherwise.

Truly you are an example for all womankind.

[d'Arthez]

Originally posted by uberfrau
When i dated males, i started with assumption that he was a pig, until he proved to me to be otherwise.

Should not you determine that before you actually dated?

[westernxer]

Men are definitely devious creatures (takes one to know one), but no need to take it personal.

[Mr Spock]

All the advice given seems to blame women for not only their hurt reactions to porn but also seems to put the total onus on women to stay trim and tight as a 20 yr old no matter their ages, to always be the ones to first suggest new positions, to be the one to bring in toys etc.

These things are only necessary if you're dating a complete and total loser.

What exactly is a man's sexual responsibility in a relationship aside from opening his fly ? It doesn't appear to me based on many of the responses I've read here that men are expected to do/understand much of anything for their wives in terms of sexual needs

If you're dating a guy that can't make you orgasm, that's YOUR problem. Unless of course you can't orgasm at all. Like men who date women that never put out without a hassle and don't do the right thing women who date men who are uninterested in their satisfaction have no one to blame but themselves.

[Lonestar]

Originally posted by mymojo
After reading all the porn threads here that basically boil down to the same pieces of advice given over and over.


All the advice given seems to blame women for not only their hurt reactions to porn but also seems to put the total onus on women to stay trim and tight as a 20 yr old no matter their ages, to always be the ones to first suggest new positions, to be the one to bring in toys etc.

What exactly is a man's sexual responsibility in a relationship aside from opening his fly ? It doesn't appear to me based on many of the responses I've read here that men are expected to do/understand much of anything for their wives in terms of sexual needs.

You seem somewhat bitter, mymojo. It's a fact that men are visual creatures and usually have a greater sex drive than women once married and the children arrive. I've had many married women (and some single mothers) tell me that they rarely ever have sex with their husbands or boyfriends. You can't blame a guy for using porn to satisfy himself in that situation, and only giving it up once a month is still not enough. Damn, even if you have sex every day, a guy is still going to look at porn.

As far as staying trim and tight, if you don't want to stay that way or just can't b/c of your body makeup, then you also have to lower your standards in men. If a man keeps in shape after getting married, why shouldn't his wife do the same? or the other way around too. I won't date overweight men, or real skinny ones. I work out to keep in shape and I expect my guy to do the same.

I don't think that men have absolutely no sexual responsiblity. They have to please women if they want to keep us around and happy, and that includes finding out what turns us on. Many women don't tell men exatly what turns them on, so a lot of the responses you're seeing here are from men trying to let women know that they need to be told or shown what to do. There's nothing wrong with that. I don't feel that anyone should give up their natural desire for sexual pleasure just b/c the person they're with has lost their drive and has no interest in getting it back.

[Pocky]

After reading all the porn threads here that basically boil down to the same pieces of advice given over and over.

No, there are several different lines of thought when dealing with porn issues in a relationship.

All the advice given seems to blame women for not only their hurt reactions to porn but also seems to put the total onus on women to stay trim and tight as a 20 yr old no matter their ages, to always be the ones to first suggest new positions, to be the one to bring in toys etc.

No, all the advice does not blame women for their hurt reactions to porn nor does all the advice set up unrealistic expectations for women to abide by in order to have a healthy sexual relationship.

The issue I have with women and how they deal with pornography is not that they are initially hurt by the concept that their significant other finds someone other than them attractive or wants to see nude bodies of other women, but that they offer their emotional reaction as an excuse for irrational and melodramatic behavior.

The idea that men and women should spend their lives never looking at another naked body is completely unrealistic and childish. A marriage/long-term relationship is more than just a promise to never ever see, think or want another person sexually. Entering into a marriage/long-term relationship does not automatically switch off the part of the brain that is sexually attracted to other people.

What exactly is a man's sexual responsibility in a relationship aside from opening his fly ? It doesn't appear to me based on many of the responses I've read here that men are expected to do/understand much of anything for their wives in terms of sexual needs.

A man's sexual responsibility in a relationship has nothing to do with his private masturbatory habits and whether or not he uses pornography. The exception to that is when the masturbatory habits detract from the normal sexual activities in a relationship or when those habits implement unrealistic expectations into a relationship.

Both men and women have a responsibility to contribute to sexual intimacy in a relationship. Both men and women must apply effort and dedication to ensuring that the sexual relationship is both stimulating and satisfying to both parties.


Regarding pornography:


Is a man or woman never supposed to masturbate once they are married? Has the right to pleasure one's own body been completely obliterated when that person entered into a committed relationship? As a woman I know for a fact that women have fantasies. We have elaborate scenes that we create in our minds while masturbating. Whether it's of the person we're with or someone we used to be with or a stranger on the street, like pornography we create a fake stimulation to satisfy our sexual needs. The only difference between most men and women is that women create the scene in their heads and men watch the scenes in pornography. The only difference between my fantasy in my head and the fantasy in pornography is that nine times out of ten I actually know the person I'm pretending to screw.

The simple fact that I have a sexual fantasy that does not involve my husband does not make me a bad wife. My personal fantasies do not affect the sexual relationship with my husband because as a mature adult I can separate the difference between reality and fantasy. It would be completely ridiculous for my husband, if he ever knew what I thought about, to seriously think that my fantasies were in any way an indication of what I really wanted sexually.

The biggest problem is that women have allowed emotion caused by the concept of pornography to completely overshadow reason and logic. I can't recall a time when a women, while ranting about her husband masturbating to pornography, has ever bothered to post whether or not she masturbates and what she uses to stimulate her sexual fantasies. I honestly think there's a double-standard involved here.

Pornography, like everything else, can be a problem in a relationship. It can cause serious and realistic issues in a relationship if the person participating in this behavior is incapable of separating fantasy from reality. It can cause a serious problem if it becomes a replacement for sexual intimacy in a relationship. I will never claim that pornography and its use is always and consistently innocent and should be allowed regardless of the circumstances. However, many of the posts we see are nothing more than a normal sexual habit demonstrated by the male gender.

When women start understanding the role of pornography in the personal masturbatory habits of men and women the abundance of posts regarding this will decrease. Until that time, we will continue to have emotional responses, miscommunication, misunderstanding and many unhappy women.

[westernxer]

I see a lot of denial in this thread, and it's too bad, since there are some pretty decent guys out there. However, I don't think these girls (the ones making the accusations) would be attracted to any of them.

You can only hate what you love... or get burned by.

I have this funny feeling...