the girl of my dreams to the girl of my nightmares!
So this is the situation
I work in a very close nit office. There is a girl in the office who at first was only a coworker than became a friend, then became more. We started talking on the IM at work, and we would take cigarette breaks together all the time. She was in a long relationship with her ex boyfriend. Anyway we started talking on the IM and that led to us calling each other as soon as we walked out of work and we would talk for hours. I was very respectfull of he boyfriend situation and never took it past the line.
She brooke up with him and moved out of their house together. Thats when things went to the next level. WE started to hang out and hook up. We would talk to each other for hours every night untill we fell asleep on the phone together. It seemed that everything was going wonderfully. She came to hang out with me on the Saturday before Valentines day. We went out together, and had a great time. I wound up sleeping over her house. We woke up on Sunday morning and fooled around alot. She drove me home and we kissed goodbye and I thought everything was great, I was wrong.
The next day at work she wouldn't even acknowledge me, i asked her what her deal was and she wouldn't even answer. Simply that she needed some space. Ok I gave it to her, 2 days went bye and I called her to find out why this was happening, if I had done anything wrong. She simply blew me off, the whole conversation she sat on her couch with her roomate, giggling while I was pouring my heart out.
So a couple more days went bye of her ignoring me and finally I comfronted her about the whole situation and she simply told me all of the things she told me and the things she felt for me had changed that was that and she doesn't want to talk about it anymore.
OK fine she broke my heart and I am having a very hard time getting over this. What makes it so much harder is that we work together and now she is Iming me again like nothing ever happened, completely ignoring the fact that a month ago we were both physically and emotionally very intimate. I don't understand.
What should I do, should I tell her that I can't be her friend anymore and that I don't want to talk to her at work unless it is work related. Why would she have done this to me, I gave her nothing but respect and she dicked me over so hard. Its very hard to get over someone that you really care about when you see them for 40+ hours a week. I want to get her back, because she meant alot to me, I know I should learn my lesson from her and stay away, she obviously has issues, but I can't help the fact that I still care alot for her. What should I do, I need others opinions.
She likes to play games. If you really want to get her back then you need to make sure that the past is in the past because if you try to get together agian and she does the same thing it is only going to make matters worse. I would let her talk to me know. If It was me I wouldn't give her the light of day or anything.
__________________
"You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space."
- Johnny Cash
She probably has other options on the table right now and just wants to keep you on the back burner without having to jump right into anything or make a solid decision.
__________________ I wake up in the morning and piss excellence.
I'm sorry to say that she sounds like she's got some major issues. NC and professional (as much as you can) behavior towards her at work may be the way to go.
Good luck, man-- it's going to be a rough going for a while no matter what you decide to do!
J
__________________
I don't need another well spent night
Another clever, sideways glance
I wanna look my baby in the eye
And know there's nothin' left to chance --Bonnie Raitt
i say love will come to you
hoping just because i spoke the words that they're true
as if i offered up a crystal ball to look through
where there's now one there will be two... (love will come to you)
like brushing cloth i smooth the wrinkles for an answer
(love will come)-- emily saliers
I'm sure you don't want to hear it, but I've seen so many people suffer because of it, enough to discourage me from even thinking about dropping my hook in the water.
Originally posted by westernxer
Never fish from the company pier.
I'm sure you don't want to hear it, but I've seen so many people suffer because of it, enough to discourage me from even thinking about dropping my hook in the water.
Ghee... I just lost hope from that on the guy im tryin to get with at work... I know that nothing good was to come from it though. Nothin good usually does
Good for you. If you love your job, you should definitely refrain from the workplace romance. Chances are you won't love your job so much if things go bad.
Well first off, getting into a relationship with someone at work is risky. Ontop of that she just broke up with her boyfriend so you were just a rebound(the last thing she probably wants right now is a boyfriend), 3rd you then fell for her which was probably the nail in your coffin.
I say stop IM'ing her if you cant deal with your feelings. Otherwise get ready for the 'just friends' express WOO WOO!! Sir can you hold my baggage!!
.......er..........im tired. i will post tommorow when i am less braindead......
first of all yes i think you guys did rush into things a bit but sometimes that cant be controlled. it sounds similar to my situation, however the boy ive been involved with (who was in the long dramatic relationship) was extremely respectful of my feelings the entire time. he constantly reminded me of not wanting me to be a rebound and trying not to rush. not saying that it helped any. but i think this girl started to fall into something she wasnt ready for. its always nice for a change right out of a relationship and she probably thinks youre a great guy blah blah and all that bs but right now she is probably not ready for anything. then again she might fall into a relationship soon and it might not be with you. i hope this doesnt sound too harsh...us girls can be so strange sometimes. i remember when i broke up with an ex and met a great guy very very shortly afterward. he was extremely kind but i broke his heart and i think i tried to act like it wasnothing shortly after. sometimes we do those things and we dont even think them through. i would be her friend if need be, but dont give her too much. and dont be too available. stop calling her and pouring your heart out. i did the same thing with the giggling roommate when the boy whose heart i broke called me crying wondering why i had not returned his calls...i laughed with my roommate and literally said what a pyscho!
ugh i feel like a terribly stupid immature person for that...
but what im getting at is stick around if you think you like her that much and make yourself way less available but still there. when she ims you at work give her shorter answers dont answer right away and play with her head a little bit. i cant believe im actually telling a guy to play games with a girl. but she deserves it. give her something to work at, a bit of chase is nice. it makes it fun and yes it is a bit of a game but if she is like me and most girls i know, it makes it that much more appealing.
__________________ Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure. I believe in telling myself the truth.
I also believe in learning from it instead of regretting it.
Yeah all of your advice is good, I realie what it is that I have to do, and not talk to her anymore. Its just alot easier said than done. Well today is monday and I have a whole week of this in front of me we shall see how it goes. I wanted to thank all of you for your opinions they helped alot keep them comming.
Pat,
I definately think that you should leave it all up to her. If she IM's you, respond for a little while, but cut it off immediately and say that you have some things to do. And, NEVER call her. Let her call you. If she wants to talk to you, she'll call you. But, don't answer her phone calls neither. Return her calls some hours later or the next day if possible. Don't show her that she got to you. Or if you have shown her, don't show her any longer. This is hard to say, but don't even think about it. Keep yourself busy with other things to keep your mind off of her. But, when she does approach you, act normal and as if nothing happened, like she does. One more thing, do not ponder a day longer about what you two had and could be. As a matter of fact, just keep thinking that there is nothing more in between you two. This thought will help you get through it all.
Sounds like she's a bitch playing a game on you. Just my opinion, I'd leave her alone, and totally ignore her, maybe she'll come around, maybe not. Do you really care though, I mean, would you really want to be with someone like that?
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