[Greyshades]

First post here.

I guess I am pretty desperate for advice. I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half now. She is considerably older than me (26 to my 21) and we had discussed moving in together. She is very excited about this and I am not sure I am. I guess when it first came up a few months ago I was very much in love with her, but since then I am not sure if something in our relationship has changed, or if it me.

She works ALOT and we currently live about a half hour from one another. I probably see her roughly once a week, but sometimes more, sometimes less. We try to speak on the phone as much as possible, but she normally calls me simply because my schedule is more predictable than hers (I don't know when she will be at work, and thus unreachable) She has said she is fine doing the calling. Problem is, maybe it had always been this way, or maybe I am justing noticing it. She hasn't called nearly as often. A 3 day stretch without hearing from her is becoming regular, and if I call her she acts as if nothing is wrong. I don't want to seem too 'clingy' but I don't think phone contact even just for a "hello how are you" once every couple of days is unexpected.

I guess the problem really is that I feel kind of empty. It's as if I don't have a girlfriend but I do. She isn't around very much, but I do cherish the time together. She has become my best friend since coming into my life (although most of my friends dislike her). I have considered dumping her, but, I am worried about regretting it. I am afraid to not dump her, because I may regret it. I had always believed that if I wasn't happier with a partner than without then it was time to move on, but this is the first long term relationship I have had, and I know for a fact that if I break it off with her it will really crush her. Doing that is not something I have ever done, nor do I want to do it, but I must take care of myself also.

Am I just getting shaky because of the possibility that my commitment to this girl is going to be more than my time? I know the cliche is that men are nervous about commitment, and is this it, or would I recognize that? What I do know is that I cannot keep torturing myself trying to figure out what is wrong. So please, offer your advise, and if you have any more quetions please ask.

[Xerxes1986]

Originally posted by Greyshades
First post here.

I guess I am pretty desperate for advice. I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half now. She is considerably older than me (26 to my 21) and we had discussed moving in together. She is very excited about this and I am not sure I am. I guess when it first came up a few months ago I was very much in love with her, but since then I am not sure if something in our relationship has changed, or if it me.

She works ALOT and we currently live about a half hour from one another. I probably see her roughly once a week, but sometimes more, sometimes less. We try to speak on the phone as much as possible, but she normally calls me simply because my schedule is more predictable than hers (I don't know when she will be at work, and thus unreachable) She has said she is fine doing the calling. Problem is, maybe it had always been this way, or maybe I am justing noticing it. She hasn't called nearly as often. A 3 day stretch without hearing from her is becoming regular, and if I call her she acts as if nothing is wrong. I don't want to seem too 'clingy' but I don't think phone contact even just for a "hello how are you" once every couple of days is unexpected.

I guess the problem really is that I feel kind of empty. It's as if I don't have a girlfriend but I do. She isn't around very much, but I do cherish the time together. She has become my best friend since coming into my life (although most of my friends dislike her). I have considered dumping her, but, I am worried about regretting it. I am afraid to not dump her, because I may regret it. I had always believed that if I wasn't happier with a partner than without then it was time to move on, but this is the first long term relationship I have had, and I know for a fact that if I break it off with her it will really crush her. Doing that is not something I have ever done, nor do I want to do it, but I must take care of myself also.

Am I just getting shaky because of the possibility that my commitment to this girl is going to be more than my time? I know the cliche is that men are nervous about commitment, and is this it, or would I recognize that? What I do know is that I cannot keep torturing myself trying to figure out what is wrong. So please, offer your advise, and if you have any more quetions please ask.

personally...i would be excited if i were you.

you complain that she doesn't talk to you as much as you want her to...how much more around her can you be if you move in with her?

i think the thing holding you back is the fact that you don't think that you like her as much as you used to...and moving in with her would only confirm that. you have to decide wheather you want to pursue her anymore and if you do....i say go for it! if not...talk with her...tell her how you feel...and break it off. no use beating a dead horse