[rocket1010]

I read an email from my dad to his apperent gay lover. I confronted him and told him to tell mom because I thought they should divorce. Then I told him not to tell her the whole truth because it would in all liklehood kill her. I told to divorce her for whatever reason. He said no, and told me to do what I had to do. He cant even look me in the eyes (don;t blame him) I want to haqve a relationship with him, its OK if he's gay just not cheating on mom. I am male 29, married 2 kids. This has been very hard on me, lost much sleep, I think I am reacting in a mature manner, I dont want to "splill the beans" my mom, brother, sister would die. Also don't want anyone outside family to know. Any advice, thank you all for listening.

[sunlight]

Question, would you want your parents interfering with your relationship. They will deal with things together, in there own time. As you would want others to do to you.

[bluechocolate]

He said no, and told me to do what I had to do.

What did he tell you that you "had to do"? And what do you mean by "apparent" gay lover?

I think I am reacting in a mature manner, I don't want to "spill the beans"

I would strongly suggest that you don't spill the beans to anyone. If you think it will kill her coming from her husband it will hurt her even more coming from her son.

I understand that this must be a heavy burden for you to bare but I think children need to be very careful when it comes to their parents relationship. Yes, you are their son, you are a part of the family, but they have lives separate from you as well. Your mother may know exactly what is going on & has chosen to live with it. Your parents may have come to an understanding about their lives to which you are not privy. Granted this is highly unlikely, but what is also highly unlikely is that someone could be living with a man for over 29 years & not suspect that something was going on. Is your mother happy? How is your parents relationship?

You say that you're OK with your Dad being gay, that's great. Tell him that. And also tell him that you're concerned for your mother & also want what is best for her.

I agree with you, if your father is indeed gay then he should divorce but I don't think it is a decision that you should force on him or on your mother.

And remember your parents are from a different generation - even now you say

my mom, brother, sister would die. Also don't want anyone outside family to know

[Xerxes1986]

Originally posted by bluechocolate
Also don't want anyone outside family to know

you kinda dropped the ball on that one