[HotCaliGirl]

While my boyfriend had stepped out of the house this past Saturday, I kind of went through his bank and credit card statements, which were lying around...

I saw that on some nights that we don't spend together, he has charges up to over $68 at various restaurants! I am so heart-broken, I don't know what to do. I can't tell him about it because then it's like I was being nosy. Tonight we won't be together and I can't help but wonder what he will be doing.

I feel like I will go out of my mind. Should I just try to forget about it? I can't handle it... What if he is seeing someone else? He has not been too sexual with me lately and that was hurtful enough, and now this... Everything else is going ok, he cares for me, makes me happy etc. except for the occassional lies and my suspicions that he may be cheating. Do I ignore it until I have solid evidence or just take everything at face value like he tells me so I don't seem like a jealous crazed gf??

[brashgal]

He could be stepping out with male friends, his sister, cousin, mother.....I think you may be jumping to conclusions...

[HotCaliGirl]

Thanks brashgal - I really needed to hear something like that. I'll try to find out from him if he goes out with a group of friends, how they split the bill and stuff like that to see if it makes sense...

[Hund1976]

Well just from that I wouldn't say you have enough evidence to convict him of cheating. Has he done anything else to arouse your suspicions?

[Hund1976]

I'll try to find out from him if he goes out with a group of friends, how they split the bill and stuff like that to see if it makes sense...

How are you going to do that? He'll probably get mad if you tell him you were snooping through his stuff.

[Naive]

If I were you I would ask him about it. I dont know how much trust you two have, but I feel free to look at my bf's bills without him thinking I am snooping. We are just comfortable like that.

Anyway, you already looked through them so just ask him what is going on.

[brashgal]

Does he get airline miles or some other rebate for his credit card usage? That might explain it, his friends may be giving him the cash when he puts the meals on his card.

I'm hoping that there is an innocent explanation for what you found. I don't think I would do any more investigating if I were you - if something unseemly is going on it will reveal itself to you soon enough.

[GirlDown]

i think an important question to ask you would be this-- does he lie to you about where he is?

does he say he's just sitting at home on the nights you're not together?

if he does, maybe he does have something to hide, but other than that, you may be jumping to conclusions.

if my boyfriend looked at my statements, he would see charges at restaurants too, some for a lot of money at times, when he is not with me. that's because my best friend is usually broke--and her name is brooke, so no need for him to be concerned there. but it's usually at lunch, when he is at work, so he wouldn't even know i went if i didn't tell him. it still doesn't mean i am hiding anything, sometimes it just slips my mind. lunch with my friend isn't a huge event that sticks out in my mind since it happens so often.

but i wouldn't tell him, yeah i'll be home all day, and sneak out and go with her just to hide it...

whether he is honest with you or not is the issue...

so is he? does he say he goes out or does he pretend he's doing nothing? does he call you during these times to check in and make it seem like he's not out? it would be weird for him not to mention these things at certain times...

good luck.

[Beth]

I don't know what may have caused you to be suspicious about his fidelity before this, but just finding restaurant receipts seems innocent enough.

[HotCaliGirl]

Girldown wrote:

does he say he's just sitting at home on the nights you're not together?

We're not together Monday, Tue and Thurs nights - on those nights he calls either just before he goes to bed at 11pm or sometimes earlier and we talk for over an hour, and sometimes he says he was too tired to call and fell asleep, which for the past few weeks in a row has been on Monday nights, which was the night I found the biggest dinner charge for...

As I went through the statements, my hands started shaking and my heart was beating because I didn't want it to mean anything bad, based on the restaurant charges, which were the only items that stood out. He tells me he was home on those nights, or else had dinner with one of his friends, which I assume they would each pay for their own meal.

Beth wrote:

I don't know what may have caused you to be suspicious about his fidelity before this

I originally posted on this site a few weeks ago because on Super Bowl Sunday, which we had planned to watch together, he said he had to go to work at 2pm, the game was to start at 3pm, he never goes in to work on weekends, then several hours later I was getting anxious waiting for him so I left and went home, leaving him a note. The whole time he had not called and I started thinking he was maybe not at work. Ever since then, I am feeling strange like maybe there is something I just don't know about.

Since we've never had a problem with fidelity, I don't want to question him on my suspicions if I am wrong. It would change things between each other. And Hund1976 is right that he might get mad if he knew I was going through his stuff...(I dug deep to find them!) Ever since SuperBowl, I have been jumping to conclusions and reading into things and now snooping

[d'Arthez]

Sorry, I am just new at following your story HotCaliGirl.

We're not together Monday, Tue and Thurs nights.

Why is that? And how long has it been that way?

[prncssfce9]

I think that you may be making too mcuh of all this. If the tow of you are not together on Monday nights, it is very likely that he goes out with his friends on those nights. ... in case you're wondering about the big bills ... Mondays are usually good nights at bars ... good specials .... they do this for Monday night Football and it usually carries over if popular.

Look to see where he is going, that may help. But truthfully ... if you were suspious enough to look there is more going on then you are leading on. You may need to just express your concerns to him. If you are feelings this insecure there is a reason and that should be your focus ... not where he is buying his dinner!

[HotCaliGirl]

Hi d'Arthez...I used to live next door to him, we started dating 2 years after I lived there, it lasted for a year, then I moved away a year and a half ago at which time we stopped seeing each other and during which time I was miserable without him, then a couple of months ago, we "reunited" and everything has been so great like a dream come true, except for these issues I've brought up. I live 60 miles away, so I drive up to see him Wed. nights and Fri-Mon.

Up until SuperBowl, that's worked fine, but now I'm consumed when I don't see him, as to what he's up to and if there is someone else. It is driving me crazy. After he got back home Sat. (he went to get his hair cut), I was in a little bad mood (after having done the snooping) and it was bugging him, then Sunday I wasn't so chirpy and this morning left on a not so bright note, and all day he didn't email me for the first time, until I finally did late in the afternoon, at which time he replied that he was not having a good day at work and left it at that, whereas usually we email back and forth so I am now concerned that my behavior is making him distant.

He hates it when I don't communicate what's bothering me to him, but I think it'll be worse if he knew what was just in case I'm wrong, and if God forbid I'm right about all this that there's someone else, I don't think I could handle it and just want to know how I can stop thinking about it before it eats me up and ends up ruining the relationship anyways...

[HotCaliGirl]

prncssfce9 wrote:

in case you're wondering about the big bills ... Mondays are usually good nights at bars ... good specials .... they do this for Monday night Football

What a good point because some of the billings were at a restaurant that has tvs and a bar too...ok, I am feeling better, it could in fact just be with the guys and those bills are not too unreasonable. The one that bugs me the most is for a nicer restaurant that had the $68 tab.

Maybe I should forget about it - could've been a special occasion for a friend or something...ok, that's better... what a relief, you guys are great. I was planning on not answering the phone when he calls tonight but I think I can get over it.

[tanbark813]

If there's a pattern to the charges, say the same restaurant every Monday, you could always just show up there on your own and see who he's there with.