[anaangels]

Ok, this is my first post to the board. I'll give a little background info about myself...

I am 21 years old, male, and I've never had a girlfriend. I am a senior at college (it's in Rhode Island - where I live) and this is my last semester. I live at home with my parents and I commute to college.

Here's the Story:

In Fall 2004, I had this class. The first day of class I sat down at some random seat - didn't think much of it. The next class (class met every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) I sat in a different spot next to this girl. When I first saw her, I immediately decided that there was something about her I liked (just her eyes, the way that she talked, etc). As the semester went on, I fell DEEPLY in love with her. One problem though - I never could bring myself to talk to her. We talked BRIEFLY on and off, but only once or twice and she seemed to like me and I liked her. Eventually, as the semester went on and on, I began to panic because I didn't know if I would see her again. So I began to look up information about her online (I saw her name on the class roster, including her email address). I looked her up in the college directory and found out that she was a junior and from California. As the semester almost was ending, I decided that I had to tell her about the way I felt about her - so on the day of the final exam I decided to wait for her after the exam to tell her. This is just what I did, but I believe I blew it. I finished my exam before her so I waited outside the class for her to come out, but I became so nervous that left - without ever telling her the way I felt. Right after that, I went to the computer lab in the library and I sent her a rather long email about everything I felt and the whole story. Later that night she responded with a really great email saying that she was sorry we didn't talk much during the semester and that she was studying abroad in France next semester (Spring 2005 semester), so she said that "maybe I'll see you in class next fall or something..." and that she might not have much internet access in France. Another problem - I'm graduating THIS semester and even though I'm still going to be in this state next fall, I won't be in her classes. So to make a short story long, I have been emailing her just about once a month since her initial response, but have not received another response from her. I thought it was bcause she didn't have access to the internet over there - however - I sent her a Valentine's Ecard through email for Valentine's day and the next day I got an email saying that "so and so has just read your ecard". So she must be reading her email and going online. I also found her on TheFaceBook (www.thefacebook.com) and I sent her a request to be added to "my friends list", but I think she declined it. In one of my emails, I gave her my cellphone # and AIM screen name, but she hasn't contacted me this way as of yet. My question is - why hasn't she responded to my emails and why did she not accept my invitation on TheFaceBook? I feel bad cause I feel like she either a) doesn't care, b) is not interested, or c) doesn't know how to respond. I've never had a girlfriend but I REALLY REALLY like her and really want to hang out with her.

Also, I do not know when she is coming back from her trip (probably in late-May, early-June from what I've read about studying abroad).

Sorry if this was long, but I don't know what to do from here.

[krbshappy71]

I'd hang out for now. You've done what you could to contact her. She knows how to contact you. She is probably very caught up in her college experience right now and may or may not want to get involved anyhow. Date others, enjoy life, don't pine away for her return, she may not even be interested when she does return. Lots of fish in the sea, and you two did not have a committed relationship before she left. You wrote "I fell DEEPLY in love with her" and yet you two haven't even started dating, you don't know her well enough to love her for who she really is, only the image you have created of her. You can feel strongly towards her, but falling deeply in love takes knowing the person, not just fantasizing about them.

[MassiveAtom]

Originally posted by anaangels

Sorry if this was long, but I don't know what to do from here.

Hey Bud, This is in NO way a long post. First posts usually require a cup of coffee and a good hour or two to sufficiently grasp the big issues. You write very well, and efficiently I might add.

I've had the same experience before, Nerves and self-esteem play a role in that. Not major self-loathing, but there are some little things that DO get in the way.

You were smitten. That's good! you have the capacity to love deeply. Can't tell you how many people stifle that part of themselves.

I'm sure this angel got more attractive the more you saw her, and those limited interactions were just electric. That's the power of the beautiful woman.

I'll be frank, even though that's not my real name, The long email and such was too much. She saw the "hooks" coming and dodged them. When you sent the contact info, it was likely interpreted as neediness. Not to fault her, that's just how it seems to BE. So I'm not going to say "no contact"(so often thrown around her at LS) but I will say this. Limit your contact with her. let her live her life, but keep in touch. NOT CONSTANTLY though. Send her an email a month or so, with some interesting news about something you're both interested in, just to keep the friendship alive. When you find another girlfriend, let her know that too. But in none of the emails should you sound as if you're "on Hold" for her.

"Hey [name], I was just [something she might like to hear about] Can you believe it! Hope all is well in France! Adios!" Keep it light and funny and just be in your life.

THe regrets and what ifs will fade for you. and then when she walks up in a few years and say "Hi, I was thinking about you lately" you can say, "really? Why's that?" Then let the games begin. But until that day, like that Dr.Pepper commercial (can't believe I'm using a TV ad as advice ) Be you. Do what YOU do.

Guess that proves that LS has some whackjobs! namely ME!

as always

MA

[anaangels]

Thanks so much for each of your replies! I respect both of your opinions and views. I agree with what krbshappy71 said to an extent in that we did not have a committed relationship, but for some reason I feel conected with this girl and I think about her many times a day - EVERYDAY. I don't know what it is.

As for the second reply, I suppose I will keep in touch very sparingly via email. I think I need to let her be for a while and pray that when she comes back that she'll a) remember me and/or b) will be interested in hanging out. If not, I really don't know where to go from there. One thing's for sure: I'll never forget her.