My guy and I are long distance and have been for while...for the most part it's been easy...I can't say we're perfect in the lack of jealousy department and my green-eyed monster is in full swing and he doesn't understand why. There's a group from his work that all hang out - very cool people, but one of the girls seems to have a crush on him. He doesn't think so, but I asked that they not hang out on their own - they did once, but they were all out the other night and now his voicemail is a message from her.
Needless to say, I hate it, but am I being dumb, or should he respect my feelings?
I hope I'm misreading this... but are you saying that when you call and get the 'voicemail' - her's is the voice telling people to 'leave a message'?
If you know she has a crush on him, and he knows this too (yes, just by telling him he was bound to start noticing those 'cues' for himself), and he went out with her anyway after you expressed your concerns about it, and uses her voice as his answering message - then it isn't sounding too positive.
Have you noticed anything else in his/their behavior that you are having suspicions about?
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Originally posted by SDgrad
ok, tell me if I'm overreacting!
My guy and I are long distance and have been for while...for the most part it's been easy...I can't say we're perfect in the lack of jealousy department and my green-eyed monster is in full swing and he doesn't understand why. There's a group from his work that all hang out - very cool people, but one of the girls seems to have a crush on him. He doesn't think so, but I asked that they not hang out on their own - they did once, but they were all out the other night and now his voicemail is a message from her.
Needless to say, I hate it, but am I being dumb, or should he respect my feelings?
Well as long as you're not going on an emotional tirade I wouldn't say you're overreacting. If you feel uncomfortable with him hanging out with this woman alone then I think he should respect that. He just met her, he has not emotional ties formed with her and there is no reason why he would feel obligated to entertain the possibility that they would need to do things together without the group around. I also don't see why she has his number, but maybe he didn't want to be rude and tell her no if she asked. I'd probably let the phone call drop, but I wouldn't want him calling her back. It's important that he sets the parameters of the relationship now before there is any question as to what is going on.
He's going to run into her if they go out as a group. I don't see a problem with that, but he should respect your feelings and not put himself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. If he had known this woman before you then I would respond differently, but he has nothing vested so there is nothing lost.
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Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia
I hope I'm misreading this... but are you saying that when you call and get the 'voicemail' - her's is the voice telling people to 'leave a message'?
I had to laugh when you said you hoped you were misreading, but that's exactly what I meant! As for his reaction to my saying she has a crush, well he doesn't see it that way - she' just "one of the guys" as far as all the guys seem to think, but I seem to read it differently. Unfortunately we're long distance (across country) so I only see their interaction every other month or so. I know nothing is going on, he works 50 hours a week, is taking 3 classes and we talk daily for a couple of hours, he'd be hard pressed for time for someone else...but I don't like the idea of some other girl being the message when people call. I think it gives her the wrong impression of where their relationship or lack of one is.
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Quote:
Originally posted by SDgrad
I had to laugh when you said you hoped you were misreading, but that's exactly what I meant! As for his reaction to my saying she has a crush, well he doesn't see it that way - she' just "one of the guys" as far as all the guys seem to think, but I seem to read it differently. Unfortunately we're long distance (across country) so I only see their interaction every other month or so. I know nothing is going on, he works 50 hours a week, is taking 3 classes and we talk daily for a couple of hours, he'd be hard pressed for time for someone else...but I don't like the idea of some other girl being the message when people call. I think it gives her the wrong impression of where their relationship or lack of one is.
That isn't right!
IF she is just one of the boys then uh... why doesn't he have one of his boys leave the outgoing message?!
Why does he want her to be the voice on HIS voicemail?
Nope.. I'd have to whip my BF's a** for that!
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Quote:
Originally posted by SDgrad
Thank you...but how do I convince him that this isn't ok?
Be direct..
The 2 of you are in a LDR.. any relationship can be difficult.. but a LDR requires more.
Tell him you're not okay with this.. ask him to put himself in your place.. as I said if he only looks at her as one of the guys.. then uh.. how about "Bob" leave an outgoing message in his Oh so sexy and deep voice?
Tell him IF he wants a womans voice on his outgoing message that YOU will be more than happy to supply him with one.. YOURS.
Personally, I think that there is ALWAYS time for something when you want to make time for it.
Voice message... bad.
One of the guys... maybe.
I would say, be open and honest, confront him and if he does not want your voice on there... then find someone closer to home.
In the past I fooled myself into thinking that a LDR would work. After a few months, it was clear that I couldnt do it. I maintained contact thinking that this way it would alleviate his pain. In the long run, it didnt work but we are both better off this way.... and still have enough respect to be great friends.
I don't really want my voice on the message either, I'd rather listen to him when I leave a message! I left a really short message after I heard it for the first time, he asked what was up so I told him that I didn't appreciate the message and he told me that there's nothing going on, everyone was changing the message and that was the one everyone liked the best...this coming from a group of drunk guys, and most of them are single...I don't think they have the greatest of opinions. So, long story short, he thinks I'm overreacting and just being silly, he said he'd change the message, but not because he agrees with me, but because the guys all wanted to make a new one next time they were out. Why is he letting them run his life?
I don't think you're over-reacting....I was thinking OMG you've got to be kidding! To me it sounds like he is closer to her than he is letting on.....well that is how it appears anyway! If I was in a LDR and "my" BF had some broad's voice on his voicemail then I'd be p*ssed as well!
It gives the impression that she's "his girl" IMHO. He thinks you're over-reacting??? Hmmm...
I would tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, tell him when you call him you want to hear his voice on his phone. If he cares about you he'll understand.
Originally posted by SDgrad
So, long story short, he thinks I'm overreacting and just being silly, he said he'd change the message, but not because he agrees with me, but because the guys all wanted to make a new one next time they were out. Why is he letting them run his life?
This makes no sense to me at all. Who the hell thinks of changing their voicemail message when they're ****faced?
Ok, how old is this guy anyways? Fun is fun, atleast he is keeping the level of potential fun things to do while drunk (atleast to some) relatively innocent? He could be say... oh I dont know, doing a lot worse things.
The fact of the matter is that he should have changed it back or been sympathetic to your request.
Something is not right there.
And to all of you who wonder who wonders about those changing their voice message while messed up, please do not try to tell me that you have never done some stupid things growing up?
Originally posted by elle naturelle
And to all of you who wonder who wonders about those changing their voice message while messed up, please do not try to tell me that you have never done some stupid things growing up?
You're missing the point. Guys do plenty of stupid stuff while drunk. We hit each other, we hit inanimate objects, we break stuff, we see who can spit/pee the farthest, we yell, we play video games, we play poker, we tell off color jokes, etc, etc, etc...
We sure as hell don't sit around changing our voicemail messages and vote on the best one.
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I left a really short message after I heard it for the first time, he asked what was up so I told him that I didn't appreciate the message and he told me that there's nothing going on, everyone was changing the message and that was the one everyone liked the best...this coming from a group of drunk guys, and most of them are single...I don't think they have the greatest of opinions. So, long story short, he thinks I'm overreacting and just being silly, he said he'd change the message, but not because he agrees with me, but because the guys all wanted to make a new one next time they were out. Why is he letting them run his life?
He thinks you're over-reacting??? Hmmm... 
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