Took my boyfriend back after he kissed another girl
I recently took my boyfriend of 4 years back after he kissed another girl. I can't stop thinking about it and I am worried that I will never trust him again. I am trying, but now I am paranoid about the friends he goes out with and how he acts when I am not around. Any coping suggestions?
I've kinda been in this situation, but i was the cheater. I wish that my gf had talked more about it with me, what ever you do dont just try and ignore it, it wont go away. You need to try and resolve why it happened and what your bf can do to regain your trust. In my case, my gf brushed it off and it took our eventual break up (and me sleeping with someone else, in a ons) before i realised that one of the causes was my drinking which was/is out of hand. I genuinely loved my gf, yet when i got drunk all that disappeared. I now know why it happened and would do anything to repair things, but i went too far. Dont let this get out of hand, try and identify the cause of the problem and hopefully you two can avoid the sort of mess that i ended up in. At least i think that the way forward.
I suppose what im saying is though i dont know for definate what the solution is for you, i do know what doesnt work.
First, it doesn't matter to me who initiated the interaction between he and this other person. That is long over with. The issue is not how or why it happened, but rather what to do now in the aftermath. I have forgiven him and am willing to do whatever it takes to get back to normal. My issue is that it has been harder than I thought it would be to do so.
Thanks for the second response, though.
My boyfriend and I definitely talk about our problems openly, and he is willing to work through this with me, which is a great thing. He understands that he caused the pain I am feeling and does not want to put me through any more, so he is being very sensitive to me. I just feel guilty sometimes for worrying about it the way I do. I want to be totally over it, but sometimes, it just creeps up on me and I get upset and paranoid.
I know that there is probably no real solution to this problem, and that we just need to be patient and understanding with one another. I hope that if we do that and can identify and communicate our worries or problems, that we will make it through and come out if it stronger than ever.
My girlfriend of 3 years kissed one of her old friends from childhood when she was back home at a family reunion.
It didn't bother me because
1. She told me about it right after she got back
2. SHe felt really bad about it
If she lied about it and tried to keep it from me then I would have been a lot more mad, but I'm still not going to end a strong 3 year relationship over a freaking kiss.
Time is the only thing that will help you eventually get over it. And your bf has to do a lot to help you trust him again. If you really love eachother then you will get through it and come out stronger.
I know a couple that were together for 5 years and she was the guys first lover, first love, first kiss, first everything. But one night he cheated because he felt he needed to know what was out there and to know if she really was the one. I know he shouldnt of cheated but it happened and then once he did he realized he has had what he wanted all along. She still has flash backs sometimes but they are stronger than ever.
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The male brain is more compartmentalized than the female brain. Men can seperate things whereas women have a harder time cause their brains are all wired together in some inter-connected mish-mosh.
Originally posted by westernxer
You said you've forgiven him, but it's obvious you haven't.
agreed
LT,
So you got back with the guy who kissed a girl when you two were together before? I sorta remember some of your earlier posts about all this but an update would be nice
Originally posted by westernxer
You said you've forgiven him, but it's obvious you haven't.
Dont agree, she has forgiven him, they're back together. But, she now has issues with trusting him, which isnt that surprising. Trust and forgiveness are different things: forgiving someone is about accepting their apology which she has done, but trusting him is different. It takes time to rebuild trust.
Sorry, this seems to be going a bit off topic, at the end of the day what matters is that she wants to get back to being able to trust him.
All i can offer in terms of advice is to give it time, sorry for not being able to be more helpful.
Seriously though, i know its possible to be with someone you dont trust and yet feel very strongly for them, thats why she took him back.
She can go back to trusting him, because thats what she wants, it just unfortunately doesnt happen overnight.
LT, its not going to be easy, but i think that you're on the right track, and it sounds like your bf is prepared to do the right thing to. I honestly think that you will get through this, because from what you've said you both want to which is the most important thing.
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