[sportynut38]

It's been two months since he asked for time and space. After my birthday this month, I heard that he was seeing someone from his past and since haven't tried to contact him in any fashion. I was dealing, living, and doing what I could to get back to being the "me" before the world crashed. I think I was doing pretty well too

Last night his daughter calls me. Asks me if I have her mom's new cell phone number (heck I don't talk to her mom so I had to say no). Then she says that her dad said if they need anything that we can call you, I said yes ma'am (I had told him that because he is out of country til March and the kids' mom is bi-polar and whatevers).

I knew that their computer had crashed before he left, and I had offered to do what I could to restore it, but he declined. Two of his kids are in high school and rely on the computer (for work and friends) but he said that he would take care of it when he could. Anywhos, I have another tower that is restored and ready to go, but since he said no, it's been sitting gathering dust.

He apparently told his daughter that I was willing to fix the old one cause she asked. And I told her I had another one that was all ready to go, if she wanted to see if she could contact her father and find out if it was ok to connect it up. I don't know how he would react, but I figure if he says ok, then we can do it.

She also wants me to help her clean his house and stuff the night before he returns. I don't know if this is such a great idea, but she said no one else would be able too (and she wasn't about to ask her mom as her dad would have a cow). I still love this guy more than anything, but I don't know how he would take it if he "found out" that I had cleaned his house and stocked his fridge.

The relationship we had was a terrific one. I love his kids, and I am glad that his daughter felt comfortable enough to call me. My problem is that he was the one to walk away, I was devastated. I have no problem doing for him or his kids anything in the world I can, but I don't know how it would look or feel for him to know I was in his home, cleaning, stocking his fridge, and setting up a computer. Anyone have any ideas? I don't want to disappoint his daughter, but I also don't want to step over lines, bounds or on toes.

[SadAndLonely]

I unfortunately don't have any advice (for once), but you sure sound like a nice person.

[sportynut38]

Thank you

Such a weird situation, the whole thing from the get go.

[_Saffy_]

this is a tough one.

you dont wanna let the daughter down, but you also dont wanna be getting into confrontation with the ex.

so i guess i can only tell you what i would do/feel


i would do the computer thing. but i would not deal with the housework, write a list, give a few pointers but thats it.

also, if i had ended a relationship and the ex had been around my kids, tidying my house, while i was away......i would be well p*ssed.


i'm sure you would be the same if the situation was reversed.

[sportynut38]

I agree. I don't want to let his daughter down, it has happened so often in her life by her mom alone. It doesn't seem fair to her.

I have been thinking of this for two days. On the one hand, sure I would like to help, especially with the computer. But the house cleaning? No. Not so much. I wouldn't mind doing it, but I sure wouldn't feel "right" about being in his house, let alone cleaning it. Ughs. In all this time since we split, I have never betrayed his trust in me (I know where his house key is and such) and I would like to keep it that way.

I think what I will probably end up doing is taking her to the store, get the groceries and let her go from there. It really is a sweet idea on her part, but she is only 15 so I doubt she would even realize what she has asked me to do. Other than the fact that she wanted help and had no one to ask.

And I don't know that he would get upset, or even mad ... I think it would shock him more than anything.

As for the computer, I told her that if she was able to contact him and he agreed, that I would set it up for her. In and out, real quick .

[d'Arthez]

Fixing the computer for his daughter is fine, however I would not go as far as to clean the house. Don't do anything for him, but do it for the kids, and only if asked for.

Of course it is all about respecting boundaries, and since her father broke things off with you, you will always be in a somewhat awkward situation. Cleaning the house and restocking the fridge would be over the top. However helping his daughter with restocking of course would not be.

The two of you seem to get along pretty well, and hopefully you can remain a sort of role model to her.