[Feeling Lonely]

I miss you!

I hate you so much more than words can say, but I also love you as well and I’m driving myself and others around me crazy!

I don't know why you did what you did. And I don't think I will ever completely understand why.
There was always something about us that I just could not explain, always some spark between us that made us both keep coming back for more. We had our problems, I admit they were mainly my fault, but I don't think I ever deserved the way I have been treated lately.

I have been confiding in your neighbour and without her I don't know what I would have done. She has been a fantastic help to me, she has also given me the help and advice I needed.

I have always been a relatively strong person, you know that my previous relationships have never been smooth running, but none of them made me end up like this. I became so weak and so dependable on you to make me happy, because you did make me happy. You mostly understood about my depression and while sometimes you really didn’t understand it and it got on your nerves, you were always there to support me. You handled it better than I ever expected and I thank you for that.

I know that I was never the best of girlfriends, but it just goes to show that there definitely is something so strong between us otherwise you’d have been long gone ages ago and I’d have been able to let you go when this whole situation started, but I couldn’t because whatever that spark is it is still there and will take a long time to disappear.

But I don’t want you back, I don’t want anyone right now, I have things to sort out before I can be with anyone. I need to sort out my family, my depression seems to have spread. And my flirtatious behaviour and my jealousy needs to be sorted. And I now need to learn to trust people again and I need to be happy and stronger.
Perhaps one day we’ll bump into each other and realise that this attraction is still there and by then we’ll both have grown up and be better people. Or perhaps that won’t happen. I have given up looking to the future where my love-life is concerned because at the end of the day I am only 18 and while I have a fetish for long-term relationships I think I should be spending more time concentrating on Uni and developing better relationships with friends.
I also think that you should be doing the same thing, this is purely my opinion, I think you need to give relationships a rest yourself and concentrate on where your career is going. I am only saying that because I do care about you and you do worry me.

Anyway, I hope life treats you well. I hope you manage to sort your debts out and I wish you all the best with the police or army or retail, whatever you decide to do.

I will always care about you and for reasons unbeknown to me, I will always love you. I hope everything that has happened has taught you a lesson, it has me. I will no longer be taken for a fool or be second best. I also hope this makes you realise how you can and can’t treat women as it has made me aware of that about men.

Good Luck Sexy Bum

[No Foolin]

Good job, good insight, good post!!!

It's great that you’re finally finding the strength to walk away from this relationship and I congratulate you on that, however, I am not convinced that you mean it. If I'm honest I think there is still an element of 'manipulation' or 'game playing' going on for these 2 reasons:

1. Why write this in the first place without any intention of posting it to him? It is inevitable that he will find out anyway so I think that you actually want him to know...

2. Furthermore, I understand that writing your feelings is cathartic and makes you feel better, but something is making me think that you are a) hoping he'll read this and think "I want her back" or b) you want the last word which is understandable, but nonetheless, will backfire and not turn out as you had desired.

I agree with you in respect of not getting involved with anyone. Take it from someone who knows, you shouldn't be with anybody until you can learn to be by yourself first - that way you can almost guarantee that no man will ever make you feel this rotten again.

Keep your chin up, keep your dignity and don't go back. The best way to 'get back at him' if you like is to live a happy and fruitful life. I know it's tough and you have probably heard this a thousand times but it will get better. You will never forget but you will never feel as bad as you do today again if you stick at it. Enjoy feeling liberated, free and laughing at the silly cow that has to put up with him now!

Good luck...