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Two steps forward, 12 steps backwards
Its been a while since I posted on my situation and its currently in a spot that confuses me so any advice or commentary is welcome.
I was with someone off and on for a year. I had been through a peroid of no contact for 6 weeks and she came back around, and it took a while but she started seeing me again.
This new time contact was ended in August of 2004, No contact until I had sent her an email,, to which she sent back an angry email.. and from that I left her alone.
Fastforward to december and she shows up on my MSN, and does so once or twice a week until I message her at first she is calm, and then she gets upset. And then every time we chat she is fine for a bit then she gets angry.
Finally one day I see private caller on all 3 of my phone lines multiple times all around the same time, its around 10 or 11 pm and my cell phone rings and its her and she ia actually nice to me and we talk for a while I keep mentioning I have to go and finally I do but not after her saying to me a few times I guess we have nothing else to talk about or stuff like I guess im not that interesting etc..
I was pretty happy about this, I thought things will be looking up from here, but..
I she doesnt call me and I dont see her on msn. I was thinking she was so nice maybe I should email her..but I didnt. In case she did pop on msn and was very indifferent to me and she got upset once again so I just said dont talk to me until you can be nice, and blocked her. And a few days later I was logged in but walked away from my computer and she had been messaging me, nothing much really just "you dont like me anymore ,ok I can hanclle that"
and so I thought one thing she complained about was me not doing things on special days. I decided to send her a few e' cards and while she didnt send me any thank you's she did at least pick every single one up... I thought that seemed like a good sign. And then my best friend told me he thought he spotted her walking by my shop as he went by in the streetcar (trolley) And that gave me a bit of hope. I decided to send another really cute e-card and so far nothing. So I guess im a bit down in the dumps...
The only other info I can give that seems relavent, is the day she was nice to me she was talking about other guys, I replied well he seems like a nice guy I bet he will be a good match I hope it works out. She would say oh no hes just a friend , then was another guy she went on and on about having a crush on and I said well just go for it then..
Hmm.. you know writing that last bit there, maybe im a bit more cold and unemotional then I realize...
In any case it pretty much seems to me like she isnt interested in messing about with anyone, perhaps in a way somewhat being loyal.. it just seems like she works and hangs out with her cat.. And from that I felt strongly enough about not messing about anymore even though she isnt my girlfriend.
I guess I should tell her things like that and perhaps even telling her that I love her,
which I realize I havent said in a long time. I wouldnt even admit to it when she brought the subject up...
So any thoughts comments ?
I think i should add this too, I have tried dating and doesnt seem to wash away feelings I have for her, I think since august I have tried to kill, repress, drown out these feelings.... they just dont seem to fade away...
bit about her shes fairly insecure, kind of jealous...
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