Have you ever encountered someone that has sworn off relationships?

RoxStar · 23rd February 2005, 2:26 PM

Have you ever encountered someone that has completely sworn off relationships? What does that mean? My best friend is currently seeing someone that says its not a relationship and that he is never going to be in another relationship. He is divorced so I can see maybe he is bitter but he doesnt recognize what they have as a relationship. He says never ever again will he have a relationship. What does that mean???

alphamale · 23rd February 2005, 3:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RoxStar
He says never ever again will he have a relationship. What does that mean???

any time one interacts with another organism some type of relationship is established. even if it is just the mailman.

ROXSTAR, this person is full of shyt.

EC · 23rd February 2005, 3:05 PM

I have met guys that have sworn off relationships. Either because they have been hurt or for whatever reason. They would have girl "friends" and FWBs and swear to never have a relationship again.

And always they all of a sudden meet the perfect girl and they are dying to have a relationship. Or they get tired of the meaningless sex they are having and they all of a sudden crave a relationship.

tiki · 23rd February 2005, 3:09 PM

Every person I've ever encountered that said that, later went against it.

RoxStar · 23rd February 2005, 3:10 PM

I think she needs to have a conversation with you. I have told her that even though he refuses to recognize this as some form of relationship - it is. The problem is she is bending over backwards for this guy and he is treating her like crap. She says its his drug problem that makes him this way and he just goes out to get high...

Oh and Eternally... He has said he doesnt want to get hurt but he is doing the hurting to my best friend now!

LucreziaBorgia · 23rd February 2005, 3:11 PM

There's a guy I used to work with who by choice hasn't been on a date or pursued a woman in nearly 15 years. Women have pursued him, but he shuts them down every time. He apparently had a really, really horrible relationship with the girl he was engaged to and decided that relationships simply weren't worth it after it was all over.

EC · 23rd February 2005, 3:16 PM

Some people go through that. SOme guys give their all to have a girl go and cheat on them or something. Its really hard for guys and their ego.

I would tell him to remember everything he went through and how it felt to be treated like that and that your best friend feels that way now.

But also your best friend needs to realiz that if hes not ready no matter how far back she bends he won't commit untill hes ready. The more she tries to convince him the farther away she will push him.

And if he has a drug problem and all he wants to do is get high then they are not on the same level so why is she bending for him anyways?

MassiveAtom · 23rd February 2005, 3:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd
Or they get tired of the meaningless sex they are having and they all of a sudden crave a relationship.

I wanna have some meaningless sex!

I have said to myself on occasion that I'll NEVER be in another romantic relationship. But I know I will, because I enjoy them so. I keep the door ajar, just in case she tries to sneak in. I'm letting her know that there IS a way in, you just have to be careful.

I'm not actively seeking ANY form of ANYTHING right now. I'm jaded, bitter, smarting, and generally disillusioned with the whole thing. BUT that'll change.

I've never met someone whos HAS sworn off romantic relationships though. I think that's kinda sad.

EC · 23rd February 2005, 3:27 PM

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But I know I will, because I enjoy them so. I keep the door ajar, just in case she tries to sneak in. I'm letting her know that there IS a way in, you just have to be careful.

Exactly what I mean. Guys swear relationships off and become "players" or whatever and act macho and bitter , yet I dont care how bitter they are, some are secretly wanting a girl. A girl to hold, and have and to call their own.

Quote:

letting her know that there IS a way in, you just have to be careful

Some guys are mean and swear them off and close the door, but they leave the door unlocked and I think some of them think the girl that can get through the door and find a way in is worth it. But they will swear relationships off until they find the girl with the key.

Butterfly28 · 23rd February 2005, 3:29 PM

I have a good long-time friend who is like that. She dated someone for 5 years and broke up with them and hasn't been in a relationship since. That was 10 years ago. She's only 32! However, there are many reasons why she does this. She just puts on a "FRONT"...and I'll explain why.

1) She's gained ALOT of weight over the last while. She really has "let herself go". Doesn't seem to want to do anything to improve herself. She has become very miserable at times. I assume because she feels a low self-esteem, she doesn't feel attractive, and has developed an "I-don't-care" attitude.

2) She's very negative and bitter towards someone else's "relationship findings/fortunes". She swears up and down that she doesn't "NEED" a relationship because she sees how "others have been treated" and doesn't want to go through the same. Understandable in SOME SENSE, but why be affected by OTHERS? That doesn't mean it will happen to YOU!

3) She still looks at other men, and tries to go for the ones that aren't of her "calibur" so-to-speak. She goes for the "model" or "hunk" type men who unfortunately don't "look her way" because of her appearance. She tends to sound very jealous once she realizes that their focus is being shifted to one of her "skinny" more "attractive" friends.

I SOMETIMES pity her, but then I realize, she's done this to HERSELF. I think EVERYONE deserves happiness in a relationship, and I always pray every day she will find this happiness. However, she really does need to adjust her attitude and get out of that "rut" she's in if she ever wants to find love. She isn't going out and trying to meet ppl. I wish she would try.

So - this is why I feel she's "sworn off" relationships. Because of her low self-esteem, and her outlook on life.

It's quite sad, really.

MassiveAtom · 23rd February 2005, 3:29 PM

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I think some of them think the girl that can get through the door and find a way in is worth it. But they will swear relationships off until they find the girl with the key.

Pretty much sounds about right, but these fellas may be expecting too much.

but if only I was in Toronto!

EC · 23rd February 2005, 3:33 PM

It is so sad. I have a male friend who is gorgeous, and has sworn off relationships. and all he does is go clubbing and he has like 5 girls and wont commit to any of them. He hates on my relationship and says there is no such thing as true love.

But one drunken night he actually opened up to me and cried his heart out. He does want a girl and a relationship but he is so scared of rejection and caring for someone and not getting anything in return. As soon as he gets close to a girl or sees a girl getting close to him he runs away. All because of fear. Its so sad.

MassiveAtom · 23rd February 2005, 3:35 PM

It really sucks what emotional hurt can do to guys. AND women!

I wish we'd all just be more careful with each other.

EC · 23rd February 2005, 3:40 PM

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I wish we'd all just be more careful with each other.

Amen!

I think it all comes down to finding that right person. I mean if I based everything on my previous guys I wouldve sworn off relationships and I wouldve never been as happy with my current bf as I am now.

As I have written in previous posts. People come into your life for a reason. It doesn't work you learn from it and move on. Sure it hurts and sure you'll cry but I mean maybe you were just supposed to learn from them and then something else will come for you you know?

Thats why people that swear off relationships I try and tell them not to but in a way its the best thing for them sometimes because they learn a lot about themselves being alone. They learn a lot about other people and when they do meet that person its so much better.

alphamale · 23rd February 2005, 3:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RoxStar
I think she needs to have a conversation with you. I have told her that even though he refuses to recognize this as some form of relationship - it is. The problem is she is bending over backwards for this guy and he is treating her like crap. She says its his drug problem that makes him this way and he just goes out to get high...

ahh yes, ROXSTAR....just another example of a female running after the "unattainable" bad boy drug addict who won't commit. I see it all the time.

This is a text book case. And the irony here is that once this dude gives in and admits he is in a real relationship with her there is a good possibility that her interest in him will start to wane.