Right now I'm the OW, and we are doing really good. Well, in my case he left his wife and moved in with me. We have been together for 6 months and living together for 4. I love him very much and I know he feels the same. I wouldn't change anything. I mean yeah it sucks that his marriage wasn't going well and all and I do feel bad for his wife. I don't feel responsible for the break up though. Their marriage was over before I ever came into the picture. They have had seperate bedrooms for years now.
I'm sure there are women out there who, for purely sexual reasons, do not mind being the OW. However, I am in love w/my MM, therefore, do not like the relationship as it is -
What i don't like is simple. There is no future beyond Fantasy Island - the fantasy that they aren't married, that they will be yours, etc.
What i've come to find out is that i see OM/OW relationships very differently than i did before i was in one. I may have judged the OM/OW even if it wasn't out loud - but now i can honestly say that when i'm w/MM we aren't think'g about W - not intentionally, it's just that it really is about US. And that is why I call it "Fantasy Island".
Besides the fact that he is married, our relationship is just like any other - we have our circle of friends, we run our errands together, we take care of one another when we're sick - that is the part that I like - the part that separates him from his marriage.
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~Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen~
It's only been a few days and I feel comfortable with this man. I like him a lot. We are both physically attracted to each other. And we are both in need of a little extra attention. His wife is pregnant and they don't have sex much. She's also a very busy career woman who doesn't spend a lot of time at home. They are happy and he loves her. He was honest and told me that he just wants some attention outside of his marriage rather it be sexual or friendly.
I have been getting over my XBF for the past eight months. It's been very hard because although I've been getting attention from other men, I haven't been attracted to or comfortable with any of them. Being involved with this married man just may be the extra nodge I need to finally get over my XBF. The married man understands my needs and I understand his. We haven't been intimate yet, we just laid everything on the table. We are both a little scared that feelings may get too deep. So right now, we are just talking about it and trying to cover all the points that could make it a bad situation.
I don't know what to say!! I was really hating men before I met this married man. I've always been cheated on in past relationships, despite how open minded and understanding I've been. This married man is the first man who has ever really been honest with me about why he wants to cheat on his wife. Other married men I've known usually didn't tell me about their wives. And when I found out and got angry, they dumped me and treated me like I was the bad person. This married man, so far, has given me hope to trust men again, and be more understanding, and not be intimidated by men.
Who knows! Hopefully I won't be posting again one day about how this situation turned ungly. I've read all the other post OW/OM. I don't want to end up like that.
Have you really read the other posts? Have you learned anything?
Of course he is honest, HE BELIEVES HE HAS EVERYTHING TO GAIN.
Let me just speak for me... If I'm sleep'g w/someone and the sex is good - you can bet your ass that feel'gs will develop - that's how women are wired. So let's just skip all the crap and get right to where you'll most likely be in a few mos.
You: "I love you" Him: "I told you what this is about when we started" You: "BUT" Him: "I love my wife"
Get the picture? And if that's not enough to deter you it's in my humble opinion that you should consider his pregnant W. Too f'g bad for him if she doesn't want to have sex at the moment - HE CAN'T WAIT?
Originally posted by Love2share
This married man is the first man who has ever really been honest with me about why he wants to cheat on his wife.
You may want to reevaluate the reasoning behind that statement.
Quote:
Originally posted by Love2share
This married man, so far, has given me hope to trust men again, and be more understanding, and not be intimidated by men.
So your beacon of hope in the dark abyss of untrustworthy men is a man who cheats on his pregnant wife? Good luck with that.
Who knows! Hopefully I won't be posting again one day about how this situation turned ungly. I've read all the other post OW/OM. I don't want to end up like that.
Well, if you don't wanna end up posting here, stay away from the married guy. You're about to play with fire and will get burned.
I feel bad for the poor innocient child who is about to be born into this upcoming mess...Just remember that when your MM goes home to his wife and child...
Exactly.. how can you trust a man that's cheating on his pregnant wife? Trust me.. get out before the feelings get deeper. I was with my MM for a year, and when we broke up, my world shattered. Don't you want somebody for just yourself? Somebody who'll be there when you need him? Who you can call when you just wanna talk? And you don't have to wait for him to call when his wife's out? And once you're out of the relationship, you'll feel like a much better person for getting out. Read the posts on this forum and see what we go and have went through. The infedility forum is good too..
Don't you want somebody for just yourself? Somebody who'll be there when you need him? Who you can call when you just wanna talk? And you don't have to wait for him to call when his wife's out?
Yes I would like to have my own relationship. But remember, I always had my own relationship with men and I was the one they cheated on. At least now, the tables are turned and I am the one who is desired rather than the one who is deceived.
Honestly, I'm afraid to get into another relationship that is supposed to be monogamous. And even if I decide to be in one again, I still haven't had any hope finding men who are truly single or available for me. I'm also dating another man who claims to be single. Our schedules are basically the same. I still can't call him when I want to. He still isn't available when I need him. When I think about it, I am casually dating 5 different men. I never call any of them because it's a waste of time. Instead, I wait for them call me. Either way, it sucks.
With this one particualar married man with whom I'm planning to become involved, we will have an arrangement. I WILL know what to expect. His marriage is a good reason why he would have to cancel or can't be here when I want him.
On the other hand, those single men who do the same thing, they don't have good excuses for why they're not available when I need them. I end up thinking it's something I did or maybe I'm not good enough for them. I hate that. The married man gives me hope that there are some honest men left in the world. He has given me a choice up front if I think I can handle the situation. I'm sure if I ever decide to walk away, he's not going to try to make me stay by lying to me and giving me false hope. Sure, he will probably say, "I told you so." But he won't do anything stupid to ruin his marriage.
Cheating on his wife doesn't make him dishonest. It makes him a horny and greedy man who wants to have his cake and eat it too. A dishonest man cheats on his wife, and he will lie and hurt other women in the process, just to get what he wants without caring who gets hurt or what he has to risk.
Re: Somehow I seem to be the only one who likes it !!
Quote:
Originally posted by Love2share
Cheating on his wife doesn't make him dishonest. It makes him a horny and greedy man who wants to have his cake and eat it too. A dishonest man cheats on his wife, and he will lie and hurt other women in the process, just to get what he wants without caring who gets hurt or what he has to risk.
I nominate this as the most ridiculous paragraph ever written. My money says both you and his wife will be women who get hurt by this.
Yes I would like to have my own relationship. But remember, I always had my own relationship with men and I was the one they cheated on. At least now, the tables are turned and I am the one who is desired rather than the one who is deceived.
So it is OK now since you're on the otherside of the fence, being desired by a MM? He's now doing to his wife (CHEATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) what was done to you by other people. HMMMM...That makes alot of sense. How do you think his wife might feel? You've been there, you know that pain. Now you're gonna be part of the reason and inflict it on her? Yes, it's HIS choice, but you're going in on this with your eyes open.
Again, I just feel so sorry for that innocient baby...
Quote:
With this one particualar married man with whom I'm planning to become involved, we will have an arrangement. I WILL know what to expect. His marriage is a good reason why he would have to cancel or can't be here when I want him.
Until you totally fall inlove with him, then those 'rules and reasonings' won't matter anymore.
You're about to change your life....Yes I'm sure it feels wonderful and you feel so happy but I can pretty much guarantee you - SOON enough you're gonna look back and really WISH that you walked away from this all right from the start.
Can't change your mind, you're gonna DO what you're gonna do, but I can try and make you see what a HUGE mistake you're about to make and ruin lives...Including your own.
I nominate this as the most ridiculous paragraph ever written. My money says both you and his wife will be women who get hurt by this.
Quote:
He's now doing to his wife (CHEATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) what was done to you by other people. HMMMM...That makes alot of sense. How do you think his wife might feel? You've been there, you know that pain. Now you're gonna be part of the reason and inflict it on her?
I understand what you're saying. But this **** happens to the best of us for no reason. If I don't get involved with this man, some other woman will. Every man I've ever known has cheated. Every man I've ever dated has cheated. Now, I'm not saying that everyone in the world cheats. I'm only saying that until I come across a man who doesn't cheat and who will love me and be faitful to me, I'd rather enjoy this side of the fence.
I can't worry about the wife. At this point, I know that I NEVER want to be in her position. I NEVER want to marry her husband. Why the hell would I marry a man who will not commit to me? I'm in love with my XBF right now, and he's F**kng another woman. My XBF isn't married to that woman. But I am not interfering with their relationship. Clearly, I would not have a problem stepping away from this married man, regardless of how much it hurts, if that should ever be the case.
Either way, I will get hurt. Doesn't matter if my man is married, single and f**kng someone else, or single and lying to me about f**kng someone else. This time, I'm making my own choice rather than being deceived into loving someone.
I understand what you're saying. But this **** happens to the best of us for no reason. If I don't get involved with this man, some other woman will. Every man I've ever known has cheated. Every man I've ever dated has cheated. Now, I'm not saying that everyone in the world cheats. I'm only saying that until I come across a man who doesn't cheat and who will love me and be faitful to me, I'd rather enjoy this side of the fence.
I can't worry about the wife. At this point, I know that I NEVER want to be in her position. I NEVER want to marry her husband. Why the hell would I marry a man who will not commit to me? I'm in love with my XBF right now, and he's F**kng another woman. My XBF isn't married to that woman. But I am not interfering with their relationship. Clearly, I would not have a problem stepping away from this married man, regardless of how much it hurts, if that should ever be the case.
Either way, I will get hurt. Doesn't matter if my man is married, single and f**kng someone else, or single and lying to me about f**kng someone else. This time, I'm making my own choice rather than being deceived into loving someone.
OK well it seems you have talked yourself into a pretty big f**k'n mess that is around the corner. I'm done trying to help you or atleast open your eyes.
You have a HUGE chip on your shoulder and have blinders on.
I understand what you're saying. But this **** happens to the best of us for no reason. If I don't get involved with this man, some other woman will.
now, that's the best reason i've heard yet to have an affair with a mm. Give me a break!!
go back and read some of your old posts......you know - the ones where you're so hurt that your bf is cheating on you. remember that pain the next time mm is so honest with you. just because you've been hurt doesn't give you the right to knowingly hurt someone else.
go back and read some of your old posts......you know - the ones where you're so hurt that your bf is cheating on you
I don't have to read my old post. I KNOW them. I WROTE them. I FELT them. That's the reason I'm considering this situation with the married man. Why don't you re-read my old post and try to understand that the underlying factor for all the pain was my EXPECTATIONS.
I expected my XBF to be honest with me. I expected my XBF to commit to me. I expected my XBF to eventually marry me. For the past eight months, I've expected my XBF to come back to me. Finally, I've come to grips with the fact that that isn't going to happen.
I don't expect this married man to be the man of my dreams. I don't expect him to commit to me. I don't expect him to ever leave his wife and marry me.
I expect this married man to F**ck me when we are both in the mood. I expect this married man to respect my time and attention. I expect the whole situation with this married man to soothe the pain that I feel from those other post that I've written. AGAIN, if there was a single man who could do all this, I would be with them instead of the married man.
RE-READ what I said when I told you that the single men I know treat me worse than this married man. The single men lie and have dumb excuses for the times they are not available for me. The single men put me through the same BS that caused me to break up with my XBF. I don't want that sh*t anymore.
Last edited by Love2share; 23rd February 2005 at 1:47 PM.
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You may want to reevaluate the reasoning behind that statement.
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