[carina]

I'll try to make a long story short.

There's this guy who I've known for like 8 years, ever since I was a teenager, and I liked him when I first met him but then he acted like such an ******* (we never dated or anything, and he never knew I liked him) that I stopped liking him. We were never really friends, and I haven't seen him since like 2000 till last month.. he was rooming with a friend of mine and I went over to visit him and we started talking and got along so well, we've both changed a lot and can finally get along. He's 29 and had a 20-year old girlfriend who was living with him.. We went out to lunch the day after I saw him again and he told me he wanted to leave her, that she was too immature and he wanted something serious and that he felt pity for her cuz she'd start crying everytime he mentioned the subject so he didn't know what to do. It was obvious that we liked each other, and we kissed that day and he said he was interested in me, that he would leave her soon cuz he knew that relationship was doomed. During those weeks I'd visit him sometimes when she wasn't around, and we'd kiss a little, and sometimes I'd question him, like when are you gonna leave her, and we had 1 or 2 fights because of that; thing is I felt such a strong connection with him that I wanted to see him freely, so I could get to know him better. One day I decided to stay away from him because I felt stupid, waiting around.. that lasted 2 or 3 days, I took one of his calls and we started talking but I treated him only as a friend, didn't even ask about her. I tried not to take his calls after that so I wouldn't start expecting something again. Then last Wednesday he called me in the morning and told me he'd thrown her out of the house because she got home drunk again for the 6th time and ended the relationship. And I'm like OMG, but acting cool on the outside. That night I went over to his house and cuddled with him for like 3 hours, nothing more. I saw him on Thursday too and he asked me to go with him to a hotel during the weekend, so we went there from Friday to Sunday.. we didn't have sex cuz I don't want him to have it easy with me, and he didn't try anything anyway, we'd just cuddle and talk, and then he told me he felt happy that I haven't tried anything either, because most girls he'd been with slept with him on the first date.. the guy is hot, and it was such a perfect setting, but I wanna take things slow. So the weekend was perfect, we talked a lot and found out we get along very well; we did have a few issues about stuff I don't even remember right now but we worked it out, it's just that it's been such a strange situation from the beginning, sometimes I don't know how to deal with some things. I really like spending time with him, and talking to him, and all that, I feel very comfortable and it's so nice when we're together. What brings me to tonight.. he called me a while ago and told me his ex called him during the day and told him she had changed and that he was the only one she loved and that she would wait for him (he tells me everytime she calls him) and that he told her that he had made his decision, that it was over. I tried not to say anything, cuz anything I'd say could be used against me.. I know the girl, and I know she's still a kid, the way she acts, so I know she wouldn't change from one day to another, but still.. I told him that maybe she'd changed, that maybe he should try to work things out with her, and he's like if you're trying to test me it's not gonna work.. and that wasn't my intention, I just feel a little insecure sometimes and want to know how he feels, and that's the first comment I've made about that anyway, but I regret saying it, cuz if he's saying he doesn't wanna get back with her then I should just believe him and stop saying things, but I couldn't help myself.. what do you guys think? Do you think he took it as something normal in that situation? He said he wasn't mad but I don't know..

[emotionsmessmeup]

get out of this situation
this guy doesnt seem mentally stable..
for all u know he'll cheat on u with her next.
dotn be the other woman...

[Stylin22]

I have a question...If you feel insecure about things at times, why are you going off and messing with a guy who, when you KISSED him, had a girlfriend at the time? Isn't that kind of like shooting yourself in the foot? Stability-wise, that's like trying to install a diving board into an inflatable pool. Like seriously, you've sort played the "other" woman and now what reassurances do you have that he won't do that to you. And, does that not sit at the back of your mind? You are already trying to test him! Like why don't you see the red flags here?
If he is so hot with all these girls sleeping with him on the first date, why the hell is he dating a girl 9 years younger?
And it's great that he tells you he wants a real thing, but he has to wait until she gets drunk for the 6th time to finally boot her out the door....get real...get a sack
And as for the holding out thing, I've played that route too I don't know why girls try to play this strategy. It's really only for themselves. He knows he's gonna get it, all he has to do is be patient and say appreciative things. I just see it this way from a guys perspective and it just doesn't look too smart.

I'm a good looking 27 year old who hasn't had much of a hard time being able to get girls, but I'm also an admitted committment-phobe and he is doing what I would do. He's got a foot in the door and a foot out. I think the absolute funniest thing is that he tells you about the drunky girl, who is willing to wait for him! Sounds like he is feeling the water to see how hot or cold it is. Why would you be such an easy target? What do you think is going to change if you start dating him and take her place? Do you honestly think that he wouldn't treat your relationship the same? Naive if you do.

I stay away from potentially sticky situations cause I want to live a long and healthy life...but go ahead and do what you must, but remember, you've admitted insecurity plays a role, don't let it make bad decisions for you...

Somebody had a saying the other day...If they are willing to do it with you, they are willing to do it to you.