[kit4kat]

Wow... I thought we kicked this in the butt last year, but apparently not. Let me give you the back story before I dive on into the present issue.

My mom has been addicted to prescription pain killers and muscle relaxants for years now. She ODed last year and landed herself in the hospital. A couple weeks later she got kicked out of her house, and moved in with an ex-boyfriend who was bad news. She ended up losing her job, losing her car, and losing her place to stay again. She ended up living out of an office building while working as a secretary for an attorney. A few months ago we all thought she was headed back to the right track. She found another place to live, granted it was with another ex but he was a decent one. She had a new job and was supposedly off the drugs. Thats until tonight happened...

I was working and got a phone call from my sister. She said that my mom had been kicked out and needed to stay with me tonight. I called my mom, and told her that she could stay with me ONLY if she wasn't on her drugs. She flipped out and started yelling saying that she didn't need me and that she's be fine. I've learned over the years that acting like I don't care will drive her insane... she can't handle it. So I said I was fine with that, and she got more mad that I wouldn't help. I told her to come by so I could verify with my own two eyes that she was clean. She came by and I could tell immediately that she was high on her drugs. After a long talk, dealing with her yelling and crying, I told her she could stay with me, but that the second I noticed she was on her drugs, she was gone. She opted not to stay with me.

I'm at an impass now. Its hard being the parent to my mother, and its hard to not give her what she wants... she's my mom! I need support and encouragement to be strong with her and not give in.

[Stone]

CAn you get her bakeracted?

[kit4kat]

I don't even know what that is

[Mz. Pixie]

Hi KK- I'm sorry hon-

I've dealt with this issue so many times it's unreal. Almost everyone in my family, except for me has a drug or alcohol problem.

You can only offer her help. If she won't accept it or won't stay clean there is not one thing you can do about it. Tough love is the only proven thing that works with people like this. YOU have a right to set boundaries at your home. If she's not going to adhere to your rules she has to leave.

It is hard to turn your back but you need to think of it as helping her in the only way that you can. Firmly set boundaries and make sure she adheres to them. Giving her what she wants is called ENABLING.

Have you considered Al anon or something like that? You could get alot of support there. It's not just for people with drinking problems.

My brother is almost 30 and has never held a job. He has a wife he only lived with 8 weeks and a baby he doesn't support by another girl. He lives with and mooches off my stepfather. I haven't spoken to him in two years since he showed up drunk and high at my mother's funeral. Mom was a drug addict herself. In one week my brother spent $3000 cash of my mother's money as well as wrote $3,000 worth of bad checks on her checking account. She would never file charges against him, even though I begged her to. I told her it might be the only thing that would save his life. He used to wake her up in the middle of the night when she was on her deathbed and tell her his drug dealer was about to burn down the house if he didn't pay him $300. He's been beated almost to death by his dealer more times than I can count.

She is your mom and I know you love her but she's cannot control herself. Only you can control how you let her affect your life. PM me if you'd like to talk.