[arlington]

Back in November, I met a guy through some new friends and we slowly began to express an interest in each other via pats on the legs and eventually hand holding. Around New Years, we discussed what was going on between us and decided that there was a definate mutual interest. However, we both had rough times with relationships last year where we both got hurt and decided that we want to take things slow. So our relationship has been defined as friends with an interest for more. So I know we are both scared of getting hurt, but I am to the point where I am ready to take my wall down, but I am reluctant to do so as I can feel his wall firmly up. I am also getting to the point where I am beginning to develop feelings for him.

What should I do in this situation? I feel that maybe I should just continue to be patient, but I fear the feelings I have for him will just deepen. How do I get through to someone who is scared, have both our walls come down and move on to the next step? Any advice would be appreciated! :-)

[Pocky]

It's only been about a month and a half since you both expressed an interest in each other. I wouldn't approach the subject, yet as to whether or not you two will get more serious. If he's already explained to you that he's got his wall up and will be treading lightly then I think bringing up the topic may scare him away a bit. If he's worth the chance, then you may have to accept life as it happens and go with the flow. You could walk away in the end getting hurt, but you could also walk away with a great relationship. If you don't give it time and see where it leads you won't know what potential it had in the first place. Give it until March and then analyze how the relationship/friendship has progressed.

[HotCaliGirl]

I think 4 months has been plenty of time for the walls to come down enough for the two of you to at least go on an official date, and that's on top of the amount of time that has elapsed since each of you got out of your last relationships...

Why don't you write him a belated Valentine's Day card expressing your desire to get to know each other "a little bit better" so then at least the ball will be in his court for him to make the next move and if he doesn't soon, then you should start opening up your options until he comes around, which who knows how long it could take.

What if he turns out not to be interested? Just watch out for yourself and don't get too emotionally involved until you at least have a better idea if it will be reciprocated to avoid getting hurt all over again before you're even completely healed from your last relationship...