[lati2ude20]

I haven't gone into work since the bomb was dropped on Thursday. You know the one I'm talking about. It's the one where he tells you after he has moved out from his home for two months & spent loads of time with you but needs to go back so he can resolve things once & for all. However doesn't know what that is yet and feels horrible for putting me though all of this and never meant to hurt me!

Company is going through merger & acquisition to complete in by 6/05 which doesn't help the situation. The irony is he's my boss in th worst corporate department & level you could think of. How the hell am I supposed to go back to work & function with my heart being raped and at the same time wanting to knock him out to feel my pain? It seems he has no problem in functioning right now.

I am aware of my poor judgment but more so the unwise position I have placed myself in. Maybe bitter & feeling threatened? I have an incentive bonus, on top of severance that is due when merger is finalized, which is quite substantial.

The nuts and bolts of it all is my heart and mind aren't in sync. Being smart & strong are difficult without some pain. To say the least he is being way to compensating. He tells me what ever I need he'll do, help me find another position if I choose to do so, see if I can take it one day at a time & return, be a bitch and make him suffer, or even if I decide not to come back at all he'll help me financially (like I can even trust that at this point).

Is he being genuine or just afraid of what could take place? He tells me that it's not the marriage that he's torn with in his decision it's his children. Making the choice of being a part time father kills him. In many conversations I told him there is no enemy I would with divorce on, everyone gets hurt to some extent and that these are choices we make that have repercussions.

Sprialling no where freaking fast and can't function or more so begin to deal with it all. I know what I should do but need to come to grips with the feeling of stupidity and very ashamed of myself. These are my own repercussions.

I feel like not going back at all that way the ties would be severed with no temptation of relapse, but I have my financial matters would suffer and have great effect my household and two children currently raising on my own. I could go back and be a brutal bitch but that's where the stupidity of my heart comes in and can't do that.

Anyone gone through what is current in my life?

[westernxer]

You have to suck it up and accept that you f*ed up. Workplace romance is a BIG no-no, but it happens. Next time, please consider the repercussions BEFORE dating your boss, not after everything falls apart. Your boss is married after all, and you have kids of your own. Did you actually believe he'd leave his family for yours? Had you been single and childless, perhaps. But not under these conditions.

You have three options: suffer, quit, or be a bitch and force your hand a little. One call to HR and he's in big trouble. He shoulders more of the blame than you, since he's in a position of greater power and responsibility, and he should act accordingly. Don't let him get off so easily. Make sure you save any souvenirs, like letters, e-mails, cards, gifts, and phone messages. This will help your cause in case he tries to screw you over. You have a lot of clout... don't let him think otherwise.

And don't do this again.