[winmac3d]

first some background info on the girl: this girls seems insecure. Graduated high school one year early. One time I laughed at how she drove and it deeply hurt her to the point of crying, I made a joke at how many flash cards she made for a test and she cried, I was talking about computers with my friend in front of her and she thought I was doing it to make her feel dumb since she knows nothing about them. She almost had a heart attack when she got a $15 parking ticket and stressed ridiculously and cried, I suggested a way that she could play her saxophone better and she cried.




Well my life sux, I got dumped the day before valentine's. My gf is 18 and I'm 21. We both go to the same community college. We have been dating for about a year and a half now and broke up before because she thought I didn't love her because I didn't do all the mushy things like compliment her and say the L word often enough. She bottled all this up and of course she didn't tell me about this until the day of the break up (She didn't tell me earlier because she didn't want to hurt me) which she thought was the only solution. Later she ended dating some nerd who had his own car and apartment.

A month later we ended up getting back together after I told her I really did love her and told her I'd promise to express it more to her. She said she missed me so much because although that guy had his own car and place and lots of money he was no fun. While they were dating she even ditched a date with him in which he spent hundreds of dollars on tickets on a concert, to instead stay at my house to do homework. Previously I wrote so many poems and letters begging her which is pretty lame to show her that I really did love her. I told her that she must share her feelings instead of storing them up and then unleashing them at once. Her reasoning for that was that she didn't want to hurt me. So we agreed to work things out.


Things went well for about another 4 months. Then wammo, out of nowhere she told me that it wasn't working out. Her reasoning was that I wasn't long term bf material. Reasons being I am 21 and don't have a steady job and live with my parents. My defense was I am 2 years from biology degree and am a full time student. I make my spending money by playing music for wedding gigs and reffing soccer games which are convenient for scheduling purposes around my school and massive homework load. She said she loves me and I'm the funnest guy to be around but she couldn't see me supporting a family. Here I am thinking, dang girl you're only 18 what you need to plan that far for. I explained that I should have my degree in 2 years and I'll move on from there. But she wants me to know what exact job I'll be getting with my degree and I didn't know. I said that just by having a degree it will help me in the career world. Well that wasn't good enough for her. I asked her why she hooked up with me again and she said that she knew it wouldn't work out but she didn't want to hurt me. I was thinking what kind of logic is that. I'm getting hurt again. Well then we went our ways.

School went on and I have a few classes with her here and there and our relationship begin to grow again. Soon we were official again. My birthday came up on Feb 1 and she got me some amazing gifts and a heart felt card expressing her love for me. I felt so special. Well a week later valentines day was coming up and I asked about some plans for the day. She gave me a BS answer that she had to check with her parents. I knew something was up.

Well this is where I am now. I couldn't get a hold of her and I knew she was avoiding my calls. And then she called today, Feb 13 and said that she just couldn't go out with me right now. I asked her what the problem was and one of the things she mentioned was that she couldn't forgive me for the pain I caused her the first time we broke up. I was like what the heck. We were just telling each other how much we loved each other a few days ago. And now this. I'm thinking this girl needs to be more up front and stop hiding and storing stuff up. How could she express her love for me in a beautiful bday card a few weeks ago and now this.

What's going on? Is she insecure? Does she not know what's going on cuz she's 18? Would you dump someone cuz they didn't have a job? I'm not a bum I work hard at school. Maybe she needs some maturing? Maybe I'm the problem? I know she's eager to move out of her home cuz she has problems with her family. What's wrong If I love mine?

[MassiveAtom]

Insecurity is part of being in a loving relationship.

Yep, she may be very sensitive to criticism. But It's your job as the BF to help her settle them down, IMO. She also doesn't seem to be able to stick with forgiveness. BIG Problem.

Your "jokes" about her driving and flash cards and such didn't offer much in the way of reassurance. . But her emotions are her responsibility. and she needs to deal with them on her own. Believe me, I know the kinds of harmless "to guys" ribbing you're talking about. Don't work with women.

It also sounds like she's doing the 18yo girl thing. She's a mess. et it go.