Do I Tell a Married Co-worker About My Feelings for Her?
There is a female co-worker that I’ve come to care a lot about. We are both married. She and I enjoy each others company and always have a great time when we go out for lunch together. When we went out for lunch last Friday, I suggested we get together for a drink after work sometime and she seemed interested in that.
I have never done anything like this before. I have not yet expressed my feelings to her. I thought with Valentine’s Day tomorrow this may be a good opportunity to give her a card showing my feelings for her. Would this be a mistake or should I take the chance? I don’t want to lose the friendship we have now.
Think the whole scenario through - here are some questions you must ask yourself:
What do you hope to gain? Are you willing to pay the price of 1) losing the friendship 2) sleeping w/her and hurting your wife? If/when things do not work out, how will you handle working together?
My suggestion - BACK OFF! Do not act on your feelings - perhaps if you keep your cool you feel'gs will eventually subside.
If you have learned anything from reading these posts you will know that there is more pain involved w/relationships w/married partners than there is happiness - you have the opportuntity to not enter into this.
Finally, I met my MM @ work (i do believe i am in the majority) and let me tell you - there have been numerous times that i wanted to end my relationship but the fact that we work in close proximity to one another has been the biggest stumbling block - my how it would be easier if i could end the relationship and not have to see him every friggin day!!!
You know the answer to this... if you are look'g for anyone to co-sign your want'g to tell her, you've probably come to the wrong place.
__________________
~Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen~
HAVE YOU READ ANY OF THESE POSTS!!??!!
TURN AROUND DO NOT PASS GO ,YOU ARE MARRIED SHE IS MARRIED ,YOU WORK TOGETHER ,
YOU ARE MARRIED AND HERE YOU ARE TALKING LIKE A SINGLE GUY .
IF YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT HER LEAVE HER ALONE AT LEAST UNTIL YOUR SINGLE .
YOU GIVE NO BACKGROUND ARE YOU HAPPY AT HOME ?KIDS ?BESIDES HERS HOW MANY LIVES ARE YOU PLANNING ON SCREWING UP?
I JUST ENDED 4 YRS WITH A MM ,MY BEST FRIEND WAS MARRIED CHEATED 2 TIMES THE SECOND TIME AFTER 4 MONTHS SHE LEFT HER HUSBAND ,SHE WAS UNHAPPY BEFORE OBV SHE WAS SCREWING AROUND ,SHE LIVES WITH THIS GUY ,SHE'S MISERABLE ,SO IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS MESSED UP GET OUT THEN PURSUE HER .
HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE'S NOT HAPPY,STILL YOU DIDN'T GIVE ENOUGH BACKGROUND.
IF YOU HAVEN'T READ SOME OF THE POSTS ,DO THAT ,TRY TO FEEL SOME OF THE PAIN THESE WOMAN HAVE GONE THROUGH ,BECAUSE OF A MAN IN PROBLY HALF CASES BEING SELFISH .LEARN FROM THE MISTAKES OF OTHERS.
JUST AN OPION YOU'LL GET MORE .
In this thread is a woman similar to your situation. EVERYBODY jumped in to discourage her from making the biggest mistake of her life...She I think has got it and understands what was about to happen.
Go around and read some threads in Infidelity. See the pain these affairs cause. Do some thinking and homework before you do this.
I once had feelings for a short time for a married woman. There were others I developed friendships with, but never intended to go farther. Any kind of beyond-professional involvement with co-workers now turns me off if I even just think about it. Lunches, long visits just bs-ing, personal emails or instant messaging, all of it. There is a woman at work now who I could get close to if I wanted, and the whole idea just makes me feel ill. I lose respect for people I see crossing "the line" all the time. Whether they are married or not.
Consider this is a sign you need to look back at your homelife and arrange things there so that you aren't tempted anymore. Either fix your marriage or get out of it. If you have this temptation now, you'll act on it at some point, and the potential for unintended consequences is huge. Take the high road and be someone you would admire.
Think about ALL of the consequences:
1) loss of respect from your co-workers and superiors,
2) destruction of one or more families (maybe you think this will just be a casual thing you can walk away from?)
3) possible incompatibility: there is something about the safe environment you get into with someone like that at the office. They seem SO great. Then when you get what you want you often realize that you didn't have any idea what kind of person they really are.
4) whatever kind of relationship you have, as immature as it is, probably couldn't survive the trauma of two divorces at once.
5) in spite of what you think you know, you really have no idea what goes on at home. You have no clue how deep her feelings for her husband are. You could be in for quite a ride if you try to strap yourself to her.
6) are you sure you love and respect your own wife/family so little that you could go through with it?
7) In the eyes of God, you'll live with the stain of adultery on your soul, and you'll have to answer for it somehow. And if you don't believe in God, it's possible you'll know that stain is there regardless. You're letting yourself down almost as much as you are letting your family down.
8) If her marriage isn't going well, how is she contributing to that? Are you thinking that she's a reliable person if, when things get hard, she starts messing around with other guys at work?
9) If she gets serious about you, she could easily start thinking you're also not marriage material. You're a cheater. What happens when things get boring for you at home? You start messing around with easy married chicks at work.
I guarantee some or all of this will get to you. You'd be smart to back off.
Originally posted by MsMree
Think the whole scenario through - here are some questions you must ask yourself:
What do you hope to gain? Are you willing to pay the price of 1) losing the friendship 2) sleeping w/her and hurting your wife? If/when things do not work out, how will you handle working together?
My suggestion - BACK OFF! Do not act on your feelings - perhaps if you keep your cool you feel'gs will eventually subside.
If you have learned anything from reading these posts you will know that there is more pain involved w/relationships w/married partners than there is happiness - you have the opportuntity to not enter into this.
Finally, I met my MM @ work (i do believe i am in the majority) and let me tell you - there have been numerous times that i wanted to end my relationship but the fact that we work in close proximity to one another has been the biggest stumbling block - my how it would be easier if i could end the relationship and not have to see him every friggin day!!!
I met mine at work. I was a waitress and he was my cook. We worked the same exact schedule. I thought when we broke up (after a year) that it was gonna be just horrible. It was at first.. then after a while, not very long, it wasn't very tough. The best thing you can do (and the most fun) is walk by and just ignore him. I don't know what type of work you do.. but me, I would just walk by. not say a word. I would stand there waiting for my food and make snappy lil comments about him.. but the whole thing so much easier. And everybody commended me for just ignoring him.. being the bigger person.
You know the answer to this... if you are look'g for anyone to co-sign your want'g to tell her, you've probably come to the wrong place.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Do I Tell a Married Co-worker About My Feelings for Her?
) is walk by and just ignore him. I don't know what type of work you do.. but me, I would just walk by. not say a word. I would stand there waiting for my food and make snappy lil comments about him.. but the whole thing so much easier. And everybody commended me for just ignoring him.. being the bigger person.
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